Quotes proving ROger made me miserable more than happy
May 4, 2004
"i dont' want to break up over him being insensitive and then forgive him. everyone has said the same thing" it doesn't seem liek he is really focuesed on how you feel" well they're right, he's not, and i don' twant to deal with tht. i love roger, he is an amazing person, but i won't stand her and let him take me for granted,"
"i'm still in corpus, not one visit, not one letter, two sweet messages on my house phone.. and that's all since i've been here. i havne't even done anything wrong since august to cause us to fight. it has to be over."
"if a realtionship is real, it should be able to work no matter where you are. he's too young, hell, so am i. we are both not ready for forever... it is just bad timing. but somtiems you miss chances in life, and all youcan do is wait for another. "
"and i know that he's going to end up calling tomorrow and think it's not a big deal, but it is. who knows, maybe if he calls tomorrow, maybe i will forgive hime, it's doubtful but i know myself, but i'm not even sure if he will call tomorrow"
"The most difficult part will be knowing that what we were supposed to have we never will, atleast not with eachother. that is a very sad ralization for me, and i know i will think of roger everyday of my life because i think about what will never be every day of my life. i am afraid that tis is going to be an ongoing problem. the comfort i gave myself in the past was that one day things would happen as they were supposed to, late on down the line, and for the first time i am beginning to grasp fully that that is probably never going to happen. it breaks my heart.. to the point that for a single moment i heard it shatter and then that deafening silence that happens aftwerwards, i have lost my breath. like someone has thrown cold water on me."
May6, 2004
"i asked him if we were gonna wait untill it was over to talk about it, and he said yes, and i just todl him "that is really dick roger, bye." and i just hung up, and he never called back. and i know in my heart i do't want to be with someone who'se not going to call back at a time like this. i know that deep down i am really hurt, but right now i am so angry. how could he do this? after everything that i have prioritized and done for him... he can't do one thing in return."
" i am hurt very deeply, and there aren't really the right words to express it in anyway. i feel like heart ache is bleeding inside me.... i don't want a guy to make me feel like this... so i can't."
May 9, 2004
"so today was mother's day, but i was strong. i didn't cry too too much and most of the time i ddn't think about it. I'm very suprised that roger didnt' call me since he knew how hard today was probably going to be for me. just one more reason to let go i guess"
"and tomorrow is my hardest test, and i REALLY thought that he might remember, but no, why would he remember something like that. not a call, not an email, nothing. what a fuckin dick. so if he doesn't care than i know that i shouldn't either, and even though i do care, i'm not going to do anything about it. i know he expects me to pick up the phone within the next few days crying asking him how he could do this to me so he can apologize and things go back to .. well i don't know what, but ti's not gonna happen. i let go, and he didn't come after me, and that sucks, but it is what it is, and that means i need to move on, i want to be with someone who will come after me, especially after all the times i went after him. it just hurts"
"and if we never talk again then i guess that is the way it has to be, because i didn't do anyhing wrong and i shouldn't have to be the one to try and fix it, so i'm not. all i wanted to do was talk to him, and i had even figured out what i wanted to say to him, but he didn't want to hear it. i made such an effort and he didnt' even want to hear it. "
"i feel like the only reason he got back with me was because he thought heather was going to be in alternative school all year and he figured he might as well get back with me so he could get some over christmas break and once he realized heather wasn't in as much trouble as he thought, that was it. "
" think that everyone fucks up in thier life and that somtimes they have to learn the hard way. like with david, i would die for david to just talk to me one more time, jsut to say that he forgives me for how dick i was to him... but he won't, and he taught me that somethings you can never take back, and i guess that i have to be the one to teach this to roger. but i don't want to be that person. =( i don't want to let go, i don't want him not to care. i dont' want to have that awkward silence between us. i want him to be hurting over this too, and he's not. it breaks my heart into fuckin pieces. i hate to be the one to say goodbye, this is the same position i was in with larkin. he treated me horribly but i kept forgiving him and forgiving him untill finally he agreed with me that it was over"
May 12, 2003
"i mean, i know i shouldn't, but i still have this little part of me that thinks, maybe some way, it'll all work out in the end. but as each day passes without a call, i wonder how could i have kidded myself this long"
"i swear to you this situation mirrors David Muennink. god i was such a bitch to him, and i never called, for the longest time, and then i realized how much i missed him, and i kept trying and trying, but 3 years later, we haven't spoken a word. i send him a brithday card every year and usually a christmas card, but he still hates me. i don't want that to happen between me and roger. that he waits so long that i won't want to talk to him again. "
"so i get home and i go for a cruise with brandon. unfortunately he also has news about roger, and coming from brandon that is real. sad for me, dagger to the eart, but it is kind of expected at this point"
May17, 2004
"so i also heard some rumor tha the clap is spreading aroundt he junior class at clemens and that a bunch of heather's friends have it, and you know must people fuck in the same circle of people, so DAMN. what could the mean. i know that roger prolly doesn't have anything, but just the fact that he could, that's fuckin sick, and pisses me off that he would put my health in danger."
mAY 21, 2004
"i should've listened to him, but roger was my best friend and i would've followed him to the edge of the earth.. damn that blows!"
June 1, 2004
" i saw roger, we made eye contact, and he looked TERRIFIED! haha! i guess i have that effect of people! haha. so i start thinking...should i say congrats or let him be. well i decided that if i didn't say anything i would regret it for the rest of my life so i sucked it up, tried to stop my nervousness, and walked right up to him and grabbed his arm. when he turned around he looked surprised and sad at the same time. i was just like "hey i just wanted to say congrats" and he gave me a hug. and it was a REALLY big, good hug. so good it almost made me cry. he was just like "thanks babe" and i told him to have fun that night and he was like "you're going to corpus right" and i said yeah... then candace grabbed my hand and i walked away. and that was that. i didn't expect that response. when he hugged me it was like nothing had ever happened, like nothing was wrong, like we were still together and nothing could touch us.... but i let go first... cuz i know it isn't like that anymore and if i go blindly like that he will just try and get back with me and do it all over again. i didn't want him to call me babe because it broke my heart. i don' twant him to call me that because i''m not that girl to him anymore"
"i dont' want to break up over him being insensitive and then forgive him. everyone has said the same thing" it doesn't seem liek he is really focuesed on how you feel" well they're right, he's not, and i don' twant to deal with tht. i love roger, he is an amazing person, but i won't stand her and let him take me for granted,"
"i'm still in corpus, not one visit, not one letter, two sweet messages on my house phone.. and that's all since i've been here. i havne't even done anything wrong since august to cause us to fight. it has to be over."
"if a realtionship is real, it should be able to work no matter where you are. he's too young, hell, so am i. we are both not ready for forever... it is just bad timing. but somtiems you miss chances in life, and all youcan do is wait for another. "
"and i know that he's going to end up calling tomorrow and think it's not a big deal, but it is. who knows, maybe if he calls tomorrow, maybe i will forgive hime, it's doubtful but i know myself, but i'm not even sure if he will call tomorrow"
"The most difficult part will be knowing that what we were supposed to have we never will, atleast not with eachother. that is a very sad ralization for me, and i know i will think of roger everyday of my life because i think about what will never be every day of my life. i am afraid that tis is going to be an ongoing problem. the comfort i gave myself in the past was that one day things would happen as they were supposed to, late on down the line, and for the first time i am beginning to grasp fully that that is probably never going to happen. it breaks my heart.. to the point that for a single moment i heard it shatter and then that deafening silence that happens aftwerwards, i have lost my breath. like someone has thrown cold water on me."
May6, 2004
"i asked him if we were gonna wait untill it was over to talk about it, and he said yes, and i just todl him "that is really dick roger, bye." and i just hung up, and he never called back. and i know in my heart i do't want to be with someone who'se not going to call back at a time like this. i know that deep down i am really hurt, but right now i am so angry. how could he do this? after everything that i have prioritized and done for him... he can't do one thing in return."
" i am hurt very deeply, and there aren't really the right words to express it in anyway. i feel like heart ache is bleeding inside me.... i don't want a guy to make me feel like this... so i can't."
May 9, 2004
"so today was mother's day, but i was strong. i didn't cry too too much and most of the time i ddn't think about it. I'm very suprised that roger didnt' call me since he knew how hard today was probably going to be for me. just one more reason to let go i guess"
"and tomorrow is my hardest test, and i REALLY thought that he might remember, but no, why would he remember something like that. not a call, not an email, nothing. what a fuckin dick. so if he doesn't care than i know that i shouldn't either, and even though i do care, i'm not going to do anything about it. i know he expects me to pick up the phone within the next few days crying asking him how he could do this to me so he can apologize and things go back to .. well i don't know what, but ti's not gonna happen. i let go, and he didn't come after me, and that sucks, but it is what it is, and that means i need to move on, i want to be with someone who will come after me, especially after all the times i went after him. it just hurts"
"and if we never talk again then i guess that is the way it has to be, because i didn't do anyhing wrong and i shouldn't have to be the one to try and fix it, so i'm not. all i wanted to do was talk to him, and i had even figured out what i wanted to say to him, but he didn't want to hear it. i made such an effort and he didnt' even want to hear it. "
"i feel like the only reason he got back with me was because he thought heather was going to be in alternative school all year and he figured he might as well get back with me so he could get some over christmas break and once he realized heather wasn't in as much trouble as he thought, that was it. "
" think that everyone fucks up in thier life and that somtimes they have to learn the hard way. like with david, i would die for david to just talk to me one more time, jsut to say that he forgives me for how dick i was to him... but he won't, and he taught me that somethings you can never take back, and i guess that i have to be the one to teach this to roger. but i don't want to be that person. =( i don't want to let go, i don't want him not to care. i dont' want to have that awkward silence between us. i want him to be hurting over this too, and he's not. it breaks my heart into fuckin pieces. i hate to be the one to say goodbye, this is the same position i was in with larkin. he treated me horribly but i kept forgiving him and forgiving him untill finally he agreed with me that it was over"
May 12, 2003
"i mean, i know i shouldn't, but i still have this little part of me that thinks, maybe some way, it'll all work out in the end. but as each day passes without a call, i wonder how could i have kidded myself this long"
"i swear to you this situation mirrors David Muennink. god i was such a bitch to him, and i never called, for the longest time, and then i realized how much i missed him, and i kept trying and trying, but 3 years later, we haven't spoken a word. i send him a brithday card every year and usually a christmas card, but he still hates me. i don't want that to happen between me and roger. that he waits so long that i won't want to talk to him again. "
"so i get home and i go for a cruise with brandon. unfortunately he also has news about roger, and coming from brandon that is real. sad for me, dagger to the eart, but it is kind of expected at this point"
May17, 2004
"so i also heard some rumor tha the clap is spreading aroundt he junior class at clemens and that a bunch of heather's friends have it, and you know must people fuck in the same circle of people, so DAMN. what could the mean. i know that roger prolly doesn't have anything, but just the fact that he could, that's fuckin sick, and pisses me off that he would put my health in danger."
mAY 21, 2004
"i should've listened to him, but roger was my best friend and i would've followed him to the edge of the earth.. damn that blows!"
June 1, 2004
" i saw roger, we made eye contact, and he looked TERRIFIED! haha! i guess i have that effect of people! haha. so i start thinking...should i say congrats or let him be. well i decided that if i didn't say anything i would regret it for the rest of my life so i sucked it up, tried to stop my nervousness, and walked right up to him and grabbed his arm. when he turned around he looked surprised and sad at the same time. i was just like "hey i just wanted to say congrats" and he gave me a hug. and it was a REALLY big, good hug. so good it almost made me cry. he was just like "thanks babe" and i told him to have fun that night and he was like "you're going to corpus right" and i said yeah... then candace grabbed my hand and i walked away. and that was that. i didn't expect that response. when he hugged me it was like nothing had ever happened, like nothing was wrong, like we were still together and nothing could touch us.... but i let go first... cuz i know it isn't like that anymore and if i go blindly like that he will just try and get back with me and do it all over again. i didn't want him to call me babe because it broke my heart. i don' twant him to call me that because i''m not that girl to him anymore"