Pirates 3
Saw it today with my friend Emily.
Beware! Detailed AWE SPOILERS!
Firstly, let me say--I am a J/E shipper. That being said up front, I tried to be as objective as possible. Unfortunately, even with shipper blinders off, AWE left me cold.
Firstly, there are about 20 minutes of actual plot (loose guess...not to be taken seriously) out of an almost 3 hour movie. The rest is reserved for shooting, sword-fighting, and all around Piratey goodness. Cool for the big screen...can't say I actually regret seeing it...but I am interested to see how it will transfer to the small screen. Is anyone really going to care to watch it more than once without the sound system and larger than life action? It may entertain on the visual sense, but I walked out going...where the hell was the story? Not a problem I had with 1 or 2.
Problem number two is...what the hell happened to the characters I knew and loved? Norrington was beautiful...but he was in about ten minutes worth of movie. I must say, I loved the little hug and kiss. Before this, I verged on Norrabeth. Now, it's full on. And the death scene was perfect. He died a gentleman, and that's the most I had hoped for. He was the one character that ended up better or as good as he had started.
Elizabeth and Will...suck. Elizabeth lacks any real trace of softness. Perhaps more due to Keira than anything, sorry to say. You can tell she was miserable for a good deal of the filming. She ends up a shadow of herself, which would be fine if she'd turned Pirate. I wouldn't have a problem with Elizabeth the Bloody, or something like that. What I DID hate is that she ends up bitter, stuck on an island with Whelp Jr. And speaking of the Whelp--sorry, sorry. Not as objective as I'd hoped, ey? Anyway, he just...needs to impale himself or something. I started out the movie sort of like, 'hey, I love Sparrabeth, but I'm fine with a Willabeth ending since Will's a good guy and all.' Instead, I get this condescending git with a martyr complex. The only comfort I get out of the end is that he is stuck on that fucking ship collecting souls, and not benefitting from a Disneyfied happy ending. The Immortal Captain Whelp, indeed. What a joke.
Poor Jack. At least he's funny this film, even if his life sucks. And that's all I have to say on that matter.
And how much does it bite that even the good plot angles were abandoned? The Calypso stuff...ended. Halfway through the movie. I mean, was Tia Dalma suddenly putting on 10,000 pounds and getting a monster voice before turning into freaking crabs and hopping in the drink supposed to be a fullfilling conclusion to two hours of buildup?
You already know what I think of the ending. Lizzy turned Penelope makes me puke almost as hard as that disgusting island quasi-sex scene. Oh, yeah, Liz...I just bet that Mr--oh, oh, sorry! Captain Virgin Zombie was quite the stimulating lover. Give me a freaking break. Jack's ending wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Sort of liberating, I guess. It's nice that he managed to get one over on Barbossa, and I'm glad he ended up all "Captain Jack Sparrow!" on a quest. It felt right.
One point that became incredibly obvious as the film progressed...how hilarious was it that, in order to make the ridiculously tepid 'romance' between Will and Elizabeth even remotely believable they had to chop out any possible Jack/Elizabeth interraction. They have two freaking scenes together, and the chemistry generated in those tops (shudders) sex on the beach and (gag...gag...dead) the shipboard wedding/cuddle hands down. All I can say is, maybe we (Sparrabethers) will get some decent scenes in the deleted extras.
Otherwise...good luck with ticket sales, Spidey 3. I hope you kick Pirate ass.
Beware! Detailed AWE SPOILERS!
Firstly, let me say--I am a J/E shipper. That being said up front, I tried to be as objective as possible. Unfortunately, even with shipper blinders off, AWE left me cold.
Firstly, there are about 20 minutes of actual plot (loose guess...not to be taken seriously) out of an almost 3 hour movie. The rest is reserved for shooting, sword-fighting, and all around Piratey goodness. Cool for the big screen...can't say I actually regret seeing it...but I am interested to see how it will transfer to the small screen. Is anyone really going to care to watch it more than once without the sound system and larger than life action? It may entertain on the visual sense, but I walked out going...where the hell was the story? Not a problem I had with 1 or 2.
Problem number two is...what the hell happened to the characters I knew and loved? Norrington was beautiful...but he was in about ten minutes worth of movie. I must say, I loved the little hug and kiss. Before this, I verged on Norrabeth. Now, it's full on. And the death scene was perfect. He died a gentleman, and that's the most I had hoped for. He was the one character that ended up better or as good as he had started.
Elizabeth and Will...suck. Elizabeth lacks any real trace of softness. Perhaps more due to Keira than anything, sorry to say. You can tell she was miserable for a good deal of the filming. She ends up a shadow of herself, which would be fine if she'd turned Pirate. I wouldn't have a problem with Elizabeth the Bloody, or something like that. What I DID hate is that she ends up bitter, stuck on an island with Whelp Jr. And speaking of the Whelp--sorry, sorry. Not as objective as I'd hoped, ey? Anyway, he just...needs to impale himself or something. I started out the movie sort of like, 'hey, I love Sparrabeth, but I'm fine with a Willabeth ending since Will's a good guy and all.' Instead, I get this condescending git with a martyr complex. The only comfort I get out of the end is that he is stuck on that fucking ship collecting souls, and not benefitting from a Disneyfied happy ending. The Immortal Captain Whelp, indeed. What a joke.
Poor Jack. At least he's funny this film, even if his life sucks. And that's all I have to say on that matter.
And how much does it bite that even the good plot angles were abandoned? The Calypso stuff...ended. Halfway through the movie. I mean, was Tia Dalma suddenly putting on 10,000 pounds and getting a monster voice before turning into freaking crabs and hopping in the drink supposed to be a fullfilling conclusion to two hours of buildup?
You already know what I think of the ending. Lizzy turned Penelope makes me puke almost as hard as that disgusting island quasi-sex scene. Oh, yeah, Liz...I just bet that Mr--oh, oh, sorry! Captain Virgin Zombie was quite the stimulating lover. Give me a freaking break. Jack's ending wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Sort of liberating, I guess. It's nice that he managed to get one over on Barbossa, and I'm glad he ended up all "Captain Jack Sparrow!" on a quest. It felt right.
One point that became incredibly obvious as the film progressed...how hilarious was it that, in order to make the ridiculously tepid 'romance' between Will and Elizabeth even remotely believable they had to chop out any possible Jack/Elizabeth interraction. They have two freaking scenes together, and the chemistry generated in those tops (shudders) sex on the beach and (gag...gag...dead) the shipboard wedding/cuddle hands down. All I can say is, maybe we (Sparrabethers) will get some decent scenes in the deleted extras.
Otherwise...good luck with ticket sales, Spidey 3. I hope you kick Pirate ass.