it'd be easier to find my way out of the canadian boreal forest..
i want to know if this gets easier. and when. it didn't feel real until tonight. he said he didn't know when we'd talk next. i've spent every single day with him for the past eight or nine months... every. single. day. and now i don't know when i'll get to talk to him...
i don't even know how to process that.
i'm not even myself without him. i'm a better person when i'm with him. he challenges me everyday. he pushes me, i don't even think he knows it. he makes me more patient, more polite, more forgiving, more loving, he makes me appreciate everything so much more whenever i'm with him.
we met toward the end of my freshman year. we've grown into adults together. we've had more ups and downs, on and offs, than i can even remember. but it's always been him. i can't imagine starting over with someone else. it used to scare me to even think about the future, but i see myself with him, i know we have one. now it scares me to think about a future without him.
i'm so proud and happy as hell he's doing what he's dreamed of. but i can't say i don't wish he was still here.
i wore makeup today. i don't know why. it's probably cause i don't have anyone to make me feel pretty.
i really do appreciate everyone trying to help. it really doesn't help to be honest. but i feel better knowing so many people care.
everything and more than i asked for.
june 5, 2006...
Someday, I want to show up at his house, without him knowing. And I want that to be okay.
Someday, I want him to do the same.
Someday, I want to go to the beach together.
Someday, I want him to hold my hand and not let me go.
Someday, I want him to be the one I turn to when I need someone to listen.
Someday, I want him to show me why we're still together.
Someday, I want to know about the past.
Someday, I want to spend the night with him.
Someday, I want to him to know what's wrong before I tell him.
Someday, I want to be on his mind more than he is on mine.
Someday, I want him to be proud that I'm his girlfriend.
Someday, I want him to put me before anyone else.
Someday, I want to mean more to him than I do now.
Someday, I want him to stay up waiting for me.
Someday, I want him to call me out of the blue, just to talk.
Someday, I want him to want all this too.
i don't even know how to process that.
i'm not even myself without him. i'm a better person when i'm with him. he challenges me everyday. he pushes me, i don't even think he knows it. he makes me more patient, more polite, more forgiving, more loving, he makes me appreciate everything so much more whenever i'm with him.
we met toward the end of my freshman year. we've grown into adults together. we've had more ups and downs, on and offs, than i can even remember. but it's always been him. i can't imagine starting over with someone else. it used to scare me to even think about the future, but i see myself with him, i know we have one. now it scares me to think about a future without him.
i'm so proud and happy as hell he's doing what he's dreamed of. but i can't say i don't wish he was still here.
i wore makeup today. i don't know why. it's probably cause i don't have anyone to make me feel pretty.
i really do appreciate everyone trying to help. it really doesn't help to be honest. but i feel better knowing so many people care.
everything and more than i asked for.
june 5, 2006...
Someday, I want to show up at his house, without him knowing. And I want that to be okay.
Someday, I want him to do the same.
Someday, I want to go to the beach together.
Someday, I want him to hold my hand and not let me go.
Someday, I want him to be the one I turn to when I need someone to listen.
Someday, I want him to show me why we're still together.
Someday, I want to know about the past.
Someday, I want to spend the night with him.
Someday, I want to him to know what's wrong before I tell him.
Someday, I want to be on his mind more than he is on mine.
Someday, I want him to be proud that I'm his girlfriend.
Someday, I want him to put me before anyone else.
Someday, I want to mean more to him than I do now.
Someday, I want him to stay up waiting for me.
Someday, I want him to call me out of the blue, just to talk.
Someday, I want him to want all this too.