I am not having fun.
This is just a bitch note. Please skip if you want to continue to like me.
Okay. Its Friday. I've been working outside -- sort of. I have the (Nankin & Hansen) cherry bushes and the apple tree in ground but I ain't happy about it. I haven't gotten to the easier stuff because the trees really needed to be planted.
A little additional research on the cherries turned up that these tiny twigs are supposed to be planted 6-8 ' apart. Right. That means a hell of a lot of groundbreaking, turf removal and soil amending. (I ordered a package of six.) Turns out they are actually small TREES. (Not in the garden catalog.) I tossed two bushes and planted the other four, too close together I'm sure.
As for the apple tree, it came with a fancy-schmancy brace that is supposed to be attached to a "t-post" (not included). I THOUGHT a t-post was basically a garden fence post--one of those green, steel babies that you need a special driver for. Apparently I was wrong. Can't get the brace thing to fit on the post. So I planted the tree and will go look up an lj guy that plantgirl recommended I check out. Once I calm down and finish venting.
Aside from that, I find I don't WANT to be gardening. Or finishing any of the stuff on my list. I don't even want to pick up around the house. A dangerous slope, that. Its been nice this last week. I want to continue to be able to wander through the house and think, "There now. That's not so bad." I'm still there but there are dishes to be done etc etc. The animals need tending, I haven't retrieved the mail in two days. I am afraid to even look at all the financial stuff that I SAID I would do on Friday.
M-- is working on a final so I can't comfortably ask her to do it. Ch-- could help but not DO in my absence. R-- has D&D tonight and has been working all week (which MUST remain his highest priority) so I can't very well slam him when I next see him.
I would be self-nurturing and kind if I'd been really productive recently, but that was last weekend. I've sort of lost the week. I dated R--. I clogged. (Fun class by the by.) Wednesday I understand. Thursday I sort of get. Monday and Tuesday are mysteries. Where did all the time go? I haven't been on the phone. I haven't been watching much tv. I haven't slept excessively. I haven't gone out to meet friends.
I think that's what I want to do, by the way. I want to go into Anoka and write before hanging out with girlfriends all night. The problem here is that I don't feel like I deserve to do that. (Special note for anyone who DID decide to read this: I know that's insane. I'm not looking for anyone to tell me that its okay to want to play more than work.)
I think I've listed myself into a nasty, dark place. First I need to remove the timeline element from my lists. No one cares if or when I do most of that stuff ... except me.
(later)
I just planted a few more things with Ch-- and its nearly time to go to the rabbit clinic. I'm not even going to spellcheck. This is me, warts and all.
Okay. I spellchecked. Can't help myself.
(later still)
AND I came back to catch the stuff that the spellcheck didn't. Geez I'm a freak.
Okay. Its Friday. I've been working outside -- sort of. I have the (Nankin & Hansen) cherry bushes and the apple tree in ground but I ain't happy about it. I haven't gotten to the easier stuff because the trees really needed to be planted.
A little additional research on the cherries turned up that these tiny twigs are supposed to be planted 6-8 ' apart. Right. That means a hell of a lot of groundbreaking, turf removal and soil amending. (I ordered a package of six.) Turns out they are actually small TREES. (Not in the garden catalog.) I tossed two bushes and planted the other four, too close together I'm sure.
As for the apple tree, it came with a fancy-schmancy brace that is supposed to be attached to a "t-post" (not included). I THOUGHT a t-post was basically a garden fence post--one of those green, steel babies that you need a special driver for. Apparently I was wrong. Can't get the brace thing to fit on the post. So I planted the tree and will go look up an lj guy that plantgirl recommended I check out. Once I calm down and finish venting.
Aside from that, I find I don't WANT to be gardening. Or finishing any of the stuff on my list. I don't even want to pick up around the house. A dangerous slope, that. Its been nice this last week. I want to continue to be able to wander through the house and think, "There now. That's not so bad." I'm still there but there are dishes to be done etc etc. The animals need tending, I haven't retrieved the mail in two days. I am afraid to even look at all the financial stuff that I SAID I would do on Friday.
M-- is working on a final so I can't comfortably ask her to do it. Ch-- could help but not DO in my absence. R-- has D&D tonight and has been working all week (which MUST remain his highest priority) so I can't very well slam him when I next see him.
I would be self-nurturing and kind if I'd been really productive recently, but that was last weekend. I've sort of lost the week. I dated R--. I clogged. (Fun class by the by.) Wednesday I understand. Thursday I sort of get. Monday and Tuesday are mysteries. Where did all the time go? I haven't been on the phone. I haven't been watching much tv. I haven't slept excessively. I haven't gone out to meet friends.
I think that's what I want to do, by the way. I want to go into Anoka and write before hanging out with girlfriends all night. The problem here is that I don't feel like I deserve to do that. (Special note for anyone who DID decide to read this: I know that's insane. I'm not looking for anyone to tell me that its okay to want to play more than work.)
I think I've listed myself into a nasty, dark place. First I need to remove the timeline element from my lists. No one cares if or when I do most of that stuff ... except me.
(later)
I just planted a few more things with Ch-- and its nearly time to go to the rabbit clinic. I'm not even going to spellcheck. This is me, warts and all.
Okay. I spellchecked. Can't help myself.
(later still)
AND I came back to catch the stuff that the spellcheck didn't. Geez I'm a freak.