(no subject)
So I've been tweaking my daily dozen over the weekend. I've moved teaching, deep cleaning, farming and writing out of the mix and slightly changed the thrust of the remaining items. I divided personal care into two items -- nutrition and grooming. I created a "new" task called centering which can be satisfied by: "meditate, read, knit, pray, stargaze, sit outside, yoga, tarot". I wanted to make the dozen very defined and reflective of every day behaviors. I guess it's time to actually work up that yatzee-addition to Keeping Score which I referenced several times last fall -- before I went on break. Doing so will create a space for the four primary focuses of my life. I'll want to come back to explore that further but I've got to get to teaching and shopping for Thanksgiving soon.
I found this in my email box this morning when I wandered in to the studio for wake-up time:
Gemini (May 21 - Jun 20)
It's not too late to make a simple change in your daily routine, even if it's one you should have made yesterday. A subtle change at this time of your life can set a series of profound consequences into motion. The potential is greater than you realize, so make your actions count as much as possible.
And from the day before:
Gemini (May 21 - Jun 20)
Your life is coming to a turning point and you can't just keep going along on your current path without making some changes. This doesn't need to be a major redirection, for you can be most effective today by creating small adjustments to your daily routines. Diet and exercise are two sensible places to start.
Funny.
So why have I been so quiet lately? I know that I have been busier because I'm teaching my son full-time but I don't think that entirely explains my absence from the pages of a journal. Today I am wondering if I have been in a resting state. I was able to transcribe my actions, thoughts and feelings well enough when I felt like I was growing, changing and striving. At some point, though, I became repetitive. I couldn't remember if I'd written something similar within the past weeks or months without going back to check. I also grew tired of chronicling ideals rather than achievements. The achievements I could detail felt small and unimportant. There were just too many failures in my efforts to get it all right. I think I simply got sick of myself.
I may have learned from that little self-analysis, but I know I've lost a goodly chunk of time to my silence. When I wonder, in the future, what the summer and autumn of 2006 was like, I will have not much more than the memory of working with Ch-- and recollections of what my friends were up to. I will assume that I was in a low-grade depression for most of it -- which could be true.
The truth is that life is good in many ways but I'm hurting in relation to my age and stage again. I so often feel like the rest of the world is charging ahead without me. I don't resent their successes but I mourn my own lack of significant progress. So much of what I ALWAYS chose to dedicate myself too is under-the-radar shit ... with not many shining moments to be earned along the way.
The Godfather called me at 12:30 on Saturday night with amazing news. He's been awarded a significant career advancement with some killer attached perks. He's been appointed to an international council of advisers to the president of his Fortune 500 company. Over the next year he will fly to four conferences with 15 other advisers to express his ideas about the future of the company. He will go to Germany, Asia and I forget where else for these conferences. He has also earned the use of a German-made car, a trip to the tropics with his wife, a beautiful crystal award and a big check.
He's given so much of himself to his career. It's good to see that his work is being acknowledged. I'm deeply pleased that he called me late in the night. We have a weird relationship but he knew that I would be awake and genuinely happy for him. He needed to talk to someone so badly that night. Do you know how strange it is to recognize the boy inside the man when he's telling about such an adult achievement? I haven't witnessed that kind of happiness in him since he dissected a broken telephone, tinkered with the internal bits and reassembled it only to discover he'd fixed it. I think he was 9 or 10 at the time.
Good on ye, boy.
And it's time to get back to my own work now. Oops -- ran over a little bit.