Thursday's Putterings (With a little Wednesday thrown in.)

[moderately_mad]

Topics contained herein:
What: Coming out of a fog that I didn’t notice surrounding me.
Why: Goats, donkeys, kittens, a llama and an eight year old girl.
Oh...
And The Great Calendar of Anxiety Banishment.

Comments

[moderately_mad]

Funny. I was just reading through some of your recent posts. I realized tonight that I have trouble understanding your level of ... social-ness. I often don't know what to say in response to your posts. It's not that I think your drive is bad or strange -- just (usually) more pronounced than my own.

But that's not quite right. I write (and obsess) about my husband, kids and family all the time ... and that's not really different from the level of your community / family needs. I don't know. I'm not quite at a point where I understand what I'm trying to say. I think you often sound lonely in the midst of a kaleidoscope of much beloved friends. Is that way off?

On a lighter note:
Take your poor hands and get thee to a petting zoo, pronto. (Make sure it's a good clean organization with happy, healthy animals.) Stroking such animals will help to heal you...at least a little bit. Do you know that my (mostly single) daughter comes out to spend the night at our house sometimes just so that she can cuddle with all the critters? (And to have me scratch her back:) I think too many people go through life without getting enough touch.

Gwawk! It's after 2 again! I've got to stop doing this. What are you doing up? We should both be sleeping.

[plantgirl]

It's not way off, but it's not quite accurate, either. Here's some background that might help.

I have a lovely group of friends (we'll call them group A). Wonderful people. I've known them for quite a few years now, they've been there for me through a lot, & are fun to spend time with. Only problem is they are mostly *not* cuddly folk. (They're also mostly married. Any single people in the group have been determined to be not a match for me, and eventually I'd like to have a serious relationship again).

After my last relationship ended, I knew I was going to be single for a while. To do that and stay sane I need a regular source of touch from somewhere. So I went looking for new friends. I've met some wonderful people I like quite a bit (hereby labeled group B), but they're all still fairly new. It's taken time to sort through the large numbers of people I've been meeting to figure out who I want to focus on (still doing that to some extent). A lot of what you're seeing is me spending the time to get to know people, and to help these friendships form & gel. I'm also now trying to keep up with two social groups. Actually, it's more like 2.5, as there's a 3rd set that partially overlaps with the 2nd. (Oh, & none of these count my friends who live in other parts of the country, or in other countries, such as the friends I saw off at the airport last night). That's really the larger time-suck, is just the sheer number of people I try to see on some sort of regular basis.

It's been a deliberate choice to spend my energy in this way in the short term in hopes of longer term gains. However, it can't/won't last for much longer, because, well, I *don't* have that much drive. I want to have a more focused life, one with quality time for me, my blood family, and my chosen family.

The last few weeks have made it clear to me that I've spent about as much energy as I care to spend for now. Luckily, things are slowly forming patterns that allow me to see where I want to spend time. I'm also becoming more willing to draw an arbitrary line, and say, "The rest of y'all are probably wonderful people. I just don't have the time/energy to make you a focus in my life right now." I decided last week to start prioritizing my time toward those who 1) put energy into trying to see me, and 2) are willing to reciprocate by coming to see me, and not just hosting me when I'm in their neighborhood. I'm currently scheduled far enough in advance that it will take a while for that decision to start being felt in my life, so I'm aiming to have a saner, less go-back-&-forth life by the end of the year.

Does that help clarify what you're perceiving?

[plantgirl]

By the way, I appreciate your asking this, as I've been meaning to write up something connected for my journal, about what's been going on in my head, and this may be most of it, right here.

[moderately_mad]

YES!

I feel much more capable of offering you support now that I understand what you are doing / trying to do. I'm glad that the time you took to write this will be useful elsewhere too.

"I want to have a more focused life, one with quality time for me, my blood family, and my chosen family."

That is exactly the sort of thing that I've been hoping for in your life.