Do what you love. Fuck everything else.
so it's almost midnight on a thursday, i'm drunk and exhausted but i cannot fall asleep. i just watched 4 episodes of home movies, 7 of my name is earl...that's alot of time wasted. alot of wasted time. like the skid row song, except it's tv instead of the drugs.
so for the past like 3 days, my left thigh has been killing me. the muscle. yeah. for those keepings tabs (mainly you, dennis), that's the thigh i have a nasty cut on. it's the second worst cut i have ever given myself. the first one was okay, i have a nasty scar that passes as a stretch mark near the right side of my ass. but it's okay. this one...man, it's rough. we're talking exposed fatty tissue nasty nasty shit. and i was actually limping around at work today cuz my leg hurt so bad. so there's that.
you guys, i seriously want to go back to high school. and like...finish. i know i got my ged. woopty shit. i'm fucking 26 years old, with a 10th grade education, and i am firmly convinced something is lacking cuz i didn't have a prom, i didn't have a graduation, i didn't have to stand in front of 300 people and announce my extended essay as i turned it in...yeah, that last one was an IB thing, only one amongst you would understand, and i doubt he even reads his lj anymore or is even on my friends list.
i wrote a novel when i was 15. aside from that, i have never finished anything in my entire life. shit, i still have the fucking OUTLINE of a tattoo that got started 6 years ago. i doubt it will ever be filled in. i am the world's laziest person. it would be nice, it would make me feel better, to see at least one important thing in my life through to the end.
anyway.
technically, i did have a prom, cuz derek took me to his senior prom. i'm glad i went, although i imagine the fun factor would've been higher if i had known more than like 3 people there. but at least there was journey.
and truth be told, i still totally wear my prom dress from time to time. for no reason at all. and i look 100 times hotter in it now cuz my rack finally grew in last year. but that is neither here nor there. that was one of only two times in 1999 that i felt pretty. the other was my wedding day. i was smoking hot that day, ya'll. but i digress.
i think it would be amazingly fun to go back to high school knowing what i know now. seriously, people in high school only think of how useless it is and how stupid it is and how much they can't wait to be out. they waste that time. i wasted that time. i fucking gave up on that time. fuck it. let people stop going to school at 13 and get a shitty job and postpone high school until they're like 22. i guess that's called "college" in some places. whatever. point is, if i had it to do all over again, not one single decision i made between the ages of 12 and 18 would remain the same. except joey, cuz come on, who are we kidding?
so yeah, it's too late for me to apply for the winter semester at pjc. besides, it's been too long since i took the placement tests, so i'd have to do that malarky again, and it's been too long since the classes i took when i came back, so they wouldn't count...god pjc is the gay. seriously, i was so intent on going to college when i moved back from oklahoma. i had the highest gpa in my math class. i have god damned dyscalculia (google that shit some time and be amazed at how stupid i am), and i had a 4.0 in a fucking MATH class. that's how fucking serious i was. but that fucking place had all this bullshit to navigate..."oh we're sorry sarah, but you have to take 3 prep courses, and due to the fact that it's THREE prep courses, you also have to take this college success course...basically, you have to go waste an entire year giving us piles of money for no reason at all before you can take an credit courses." FUCK THAT.
i am fully aware that there are options in college for people with learning disabilities. but if you really consider what i want to do with my life, it's basically science and math related. and they're more or less not leniant about that. so fuck it. what do i do? the only thing in this world that makes me feel good about myself without any outside help from people or booze is the one thing in this world i will NEVER be able to do.
welcome to adulthood, sarah. we're sure, provided you take the required classes, you'll do quite mediocre.
so for the past like 3 days, my left thigh has been killing me. the muscle. yeah. for those keepings tabs (mainly you, dennis), that's the thigh i have a nasty cut on. it's the second worst cut i have ever given myself. the first one was okay, i have a nasty scar that passes as a stretch mark near the right side of my ass. but it's okay. this one...man, it's rough. we're talking exposed fatty tissue nasty nasty shit. and i was actually limping around at work today cuz my leg hurt so bad. so there's that.
you guys, i seriously want to go back to high school. and like...finish. i know i got my ged. woopty shit. i'm fucking 26 years old, with a 10th grade education, and i am firmly convinced something is lacking cuz i didn't have a prom, i didn't have a graduation, i didn't have to stand in front of 300 people and announce my extended essay as i turned it in...yeah, that last one was an IB thing, only one amongst you would understand, and i doubt he even reads his lj anymore or is even on my friends list.
i wrote a novel when i was 15. aside from that, i have never finished anything in my entire life. shit, i still have the fucking OUTLINE of a tattoo that got started 6 years ago. i doubt it will ever be filled in. i am the world's laziest person. it would be nice, it would make me feel better, to see at least one important thing in my life through to the end.
anyway.
technically, i did have a prom, cuz derek took me to his senior prom. i'm glad i went, although i imagine the fun factor would've been higher if i had known more than like 3 people there. but at least there was journey.
and truth be told, i still totally wear my prom dress from time to time. for no reason at all. and i look 100 times hotter in it now cuz my rack finally grew in last year. but that is neither here nor there. that was one of only two times in 1999 that i felt pretty. the other was my wedding day. i was smoking hot that day, ya'll. but i digress.
i think it would be amazingly fun to go back to high school knowing what i know now. seriously, people in high school only think of how useless it is and how stupid it is and how much they can't wait to be out. they waste that time. i wasted that time. i fucking gave up on that time. fuck it. let people stop going to school at 13 and get a shitty job and postpone high school until they're like 22. i guess that's called "college" in some places. whatever. point is, if i had it to do all over again, not one single decision i made between the ages of 12 and 18 would remain the same. except joey, cuz come on, who are we kidding?
so yeah, it's too late for me to apply for the winter semester at pjc. besides, it's been too long since i took the placement tests, so i'd have to do that malarky again, and it's been too long since the classes i took when i came back, so they wouldn't count...god pjc is the gay. seriously, i was so intent on going to college when i moved back from oklahoma. i had the highest gpa in my math class. i have god damned dyscalculia (google that shit some time and be amazed at how stupid i am), and i had a 4.0 in a fucking MATH class. that's how fucking serious i was. but that fucking place had all this bullshit to navigate..."oh we're sorry sarah, but you have to take 3 prep courses, and due to the fact that it's THREE prep courses, you also have to take this college success course...basically, you have to go waste an entire year giving us piles of money for no reason at all before you can take an credit courses." FUCK THAT.
i am fully aware that there are options in college for people with learning disabilities. but if you really consider what i want to do with my life, it's basically science and math related. and they're more or less not leniant about that. so fuck it. what do i do? the only thing in this world that makes me feel good about myself without any outside help from people or booze is the one thing in this world i will NEVER be able to do.
welcome to adulthood, sarah. we're sure, provided you take the required classes, you'll do quite mediocre.