(no subject)
in the past 2 days i've filled 10 garbage bags full of clothes i'll never wear. i've also cleaned parts of the house a bit. i've also been working on those days. i'm just tired. i don't want a roommate. i felt obligated to say yes & every time i think about it, i feel that my freedom is just getting that much more limited. i know that maybe he won't be around much, that maybe he won't be that noticeable, but i think that he will be over all these fucking technicalities. i won't be able to walk around my house in any manner i choose, i won't be able to drink a beer in the afternoon if i want to, stay up all night watching movies & dancing to loud music in the living room, take an hour long shower or sing at the to of my lungs, pluck unwanted hairs from my face in the preferred light of the living room, there will be fucking MEAT around probably, things will have to be kept clean & i'm just not clean or tidy. a million fucking things make me dread this to a point that i want to cry. maybe i'm overreacting, but i actually don't care. if anyone ever knew anything about me i think the fact that's always remained true is that i like privacy. i just feel like it's a big invasion. i keep thinking about how terrible it was before when i had roommates. maybe i am overreacting. & there are other things. it's just all stress, one thing after another. i feel okay then something new happens. the past few days i feel like i'm having a nervous breakdown, losing my mind, etc. where does all of this end. where do the clothes even end. the answer is they fucking don't.