(no subject)
also i'm nervous that my party won't be what i want it to be. a real party, a fun party, not awkward but just a good time. in my head this can only be achieved by having large amounts of people, which really isn't true but it does add spice & variety. i think the problem is that everyone knows everyone too well & stick to their own social groups, too many young ones show up & some intensely bad fight usually happens or somebody somehow gets hurt. also when cocaine is present it does nothing to aid everyone. half the people that live here are white trash & not people i would be friends with under normal circumstances. i only have maybe 4 friends that i would call friends. it can never be one of those situations where you haven't see someone in ages & it's really exciting. i want to get drugs for my party but there are no drugs to be found. i want to supply beer for my party but i am broke. i want everyone to have a good time at my party but i don't even know who is invited yet. i just am tired of all the parties i don't have any fun at. it's okay sitting in the basements or corners with james & sam & having good conversations, i guess that's what would happen at a party anyway is a bonding session with some individual, but i long for the real parties, the ones you jump around & have multiple bonding sessions, the parties of legends. a real party. i just don't want to be disappointed!