Happy Birthday, David
Today would have been David's (know as "mockery" in this forum) 25th birthday, a milestone in anyone's life. As his mother, I wonder what his life would be like today had be chosen to fight to live, rather than completing suicide to escape whatever pain he was in. His friends have graduated from college, started careers, gotten married, had families, purchased homes, etc. His sister Sarah has relocated to Tampa and begun a new life there. David's life ended before he turned 22, at the cusp of adulthood. To visit him, I have a one-sided conversation with a spirit or stop at the columbarium at our church where his cremains are interred. (For any friends that wish to pay him respects at his final resting spot, go to the Green Mountain United Methodist Church located at 12755 W. Cedar Drive (west off of Union, north of Alameda) in Lakewood, CO.)
I continue to be involved with suicide support groups and suicide prevention efforts. The next community event is the fourth annual Second Wind walk/run being held on Sunday, September 18. Registration is from 10 a.m. to 12:15 p.m. at the Green Mountain Presbyterian Church at Alameda and W. Mississippi (across the street from the Green Mountain Safeway store). Doug and I will be working registration as well as walking the one mile walk. Last year there were 1000 individuals who walked or ran. It is heartening for us to know that so many care so much about preventing suicide to the extent possible. Suicide doesn't just end someone's pain; it passes it around to all his/her loved ones. Doug, Sarah, and I will live with that pain for the rest of our lives.
One of David's friends told me that I didn't deserve that pain. No one deserves that pain. Suicide is preventable; depression can be successfully resolved through medication and/or therapy. I remain on medication just so I can sleep and may remain on that medication for the rest of my life. There should be no stigma associated with seeking medical assistance for medical problems. We would have assisted David in any way possible through whatever issues or problems. Our love for him had no boundaries; we continue to love and honor him. If you're reading this, know that your loved ones would do likewise. Choose life, not death. Suicide is a permanent solution to what could well be a temporary problem. Your loved ones would grieve your death for the rest of their lives. There are always consequences to actions, no matter how well-intentioned. David took steps to try and make his suicide somehow easier for us. We appreciate his thoughtfulness, but knew that it could not take away our pain and grief. It helped to the extent that we knew he was thinking of us in a positive way and that his suicide was not because of us. As parents, you take such actions very personally and it would be easy to take on that responsibility. David is responsible for his choice.
In hindsight, his friends and loved ones may realize that David was in trouble and needed assistance. Hindsight can be 20/20. All we can do is learn from our experience and intervene when someone else may need us. It's better to intervene whether or not the individual truly needs that intervention then to avoid doing so to not embarrass either the other person or ourself. The consequences could be deadly.
I hope that anyone who happens to read this is happy, healthy, and loved. That's all that I wanted for my kids. If you aren't, please take positive steps to work towards those goals. You don't have to be stuck in a negative state of mind.
Take care,
Mary Wylie
David's (and Sarah's!) mom
I continue to be involved with suicide support groups and suicide prevention efforts. The next community event is the fourth annual Second Wind walk/run being held on Sunday, September 18. Registration is from 10 a.m. to 12:15 p.m. at the Green Mountain Presbyterian Church at Alameda and W. Mississippi (across the street from the Green Mountain Safeway store). Doug and I will be working registration as well as walking the one mile walk. Last year there were 1000 individuals who walked or ran. It is heartening for us to know that so many care so much about preventing suicide to the extent possible. Suicide doesn't just end someone's pain; it passes it around to all his/her loved ones. Doug, Sarah, and I will live with that pain for the rest of our lives.
One of David's friends told me that I didn't deserve that pain. No one deserves that pain. Suicide is preventable; depression can be successfully resolved through medication and/or therapy. I remain on medication just so I can sleep and may remain on that medication for the rest of my life. There should be no stigma associated with seeking medical assistance for medical problems. We would have assisted David in any way possible through whatever issues or problems. Our love for him had no boundaries; we continue to love and honor him. If you're reading this, know that your loved ones would do likewise. Choose life, not death. Suicide is a permanent solution to what could well be a temporary problem. Your loved ones would grieve your death for the rest of their lives. There are always consequences to actions, no matter how well-intentioned. David took steps to try and make his suicide somehow easier for us. We appreciate his thoughtfulness, but knew that it could not take away our pain and grief. It helped to the extent that we knew he was thinking of us in a positive way and that his suicide was not because of us. As parents, you take such actions very personally and it would be easy to take on that responsibility. David is responsible for his choice.
In hindsight, his friends and loved ones may realize that David was in trouble and needed assistance. Hindsight can be 20/20. All we can do is learn from our experience and intervene when someone else may need us. It's better to intervene whether or not the individual truly needs that intervention then to avoid doing so to not embarrass either the other person or ourself. The consequences could be deadly.
I hope that anyone who happens to read this is happy, healthy, and loved. That's all that I wanted for my kids. If you aren't, please take positive steps to work towards those goals. You don't have to be stuck in a negative state of mind.
Take care,
Mary Wylie
David's (and Sarah's!) mom