(no subject)
zak just spent 3hours trying to convince me that i'm a bad person. he used words like disgusting & disturbing. he was furious that i was unmoved by his words to change. he can't wrap his mind around the fact that i really don't care about how others feel. i mean, i can understand how people feel & why, but i don't make it a part of me. everyone is free to make their own decisions in their life. i maintain my own feelings. you maintain yours. it's a very simple agreement. i also understand that my attitude can sometimes have a negative effect on people, but only because they allow it to happen, so whatever, it's their gig. i think he's mostly upset that when he broke up with me all i said was "okay" & didn't argue about it at all. i didn't even get upset nor shed a single tear. funny thing is, HE'S the one all fucked up from the break up, which he himself initiated. i don't want to feel like that, so i don't. is it really that complicated? he called me a cop out & accused me of denouncing the responsibilities of my actions. i just act however i want that makes me happy, & if people like it, good, if not, get the fuck away from me & don't waste my time. if people can't respect that i'm happy with the way that i am, how could i possibly respect them? i really don't give a fuck about what any of you think, but if you're happy to know me, then i'm happy to know that. it's about as far as it goes. if you don't like what i have to say, don't read my livejournal, similarly, if you don't like how i act, don't put yourself in a position to experience it. seems simple enough to me. & dont, DONT, ever think that you know what's best for me. that's kind of annoying & it doesn't help me at all. in fact if you present yourself that way to me, i'm MORE inclined to listen lightly. don't try to give me advice if you don't know where i'm coming from. if you can't understand me, how can you possibly be able to see what might be the best for me? it's fucking weird to have a bunch of things pointed out to you that you're well aware of. he kept telling me "how i am" & he was mostly right, but the way he exhibited the intention of "making me see" & then "change my ways" was complete silliness. it was like he was trying to make me realize what a bitch i am & renounce it. instead i pretty much agreed with the things he was saying, altho he put a negative spin on everything. i fucking love myself. i think i'm the goddamn shit. why would i wanna change that? moreover, why would i want to be like him? negative, worrying, stress-driven.. incapable of letting someone know how he feels except to try to use guilt. that tactic NEVER works on me. so fucking what if you are still upset about things, get over it, or don't, don't try to make it out to be my fault that you aren't over it. i am not in your head making you do anything.