Back for one night only
Ok, I'm pretty sure everyone that might get ahold of my LJ knows Lisa and I are broken up...again, but I just want it out there, on the record exactly what happened. For my own well being and just because. This isn't the return of the "Nick's depressed" LJ rants either, I'm actually just the opposite. Anyways, on with the tale.
Lisa started going out with Jenny a lot the last 2 months again. I really didn't notice much because everything else was, as far as I could tell, going swimmingly. Valentines Day, or the weekend before it, wen't off really well and I could honestly say I was never more happy. So, the saturday before Valentines, Lisa and I went to Olive Garden. I really hadn't been able to find anything really special this year for V-day, but she insisted that dinner was fine so I was happy to take a year off. We had a nice time and went back to Valpo where she got ready and went out to the bar with Jenny that night. Whenever Lisa goes out I usually stay up watching TV, playing games, stuff like that until she comes home just in case she needs a ride because she's drank too much or her old ass car finally breaks down. Well I was up until 4:30 that morning before falling asleep on the couch. I texted her a little after 3 (when the bar closes) to see if she was gonna be home soon because I was tired. 45 minutes later I got something like, "We're at SNS, be home soon!" and she wasn't back before I finally dozed off. (more on this later)
So next comes last weekend. I had to go to Toledo sunday afternoon and spend a week at Owens Corning HQ for a sales training program. Lisa went out the night before with Jenny again. I didn't bother staying up because I had to be awake enough to drive 3 hours to ohio. Suprisingly to me, I wake up at about 5:00 am to take a leak and she's still not home. Now I wont go into the long, elaborate history of Lisa and I's many, many, falling out's, but this is the exact pattern it always follows. So she gets back around 6 am (it was already daylight out) and I'd been worried as hell about whats going on. She climbs into bed and I ask her flat out if she's seeing this guy Mike who she ditched me for last time. She'd mentioned seeing and talking to Mike a few times before, but in the spirit of being a trusting bf I didn't let her know how much that bothered me. She denied it up and down and layed a pretty good guilt trip on me about how she thought I was past all that, ect ect. The next day things are a little awkward but not bad and I leave for Toledo.
I pretty much spent the entire drive worrying about if I was right to accuse her like I did. It's always gone bad like that and I was still very uneasy about the whole thing. When Tuesday comes by, I try to talk to her about it on the phone and Lisa gets all dodgy and I really didn't want to get into a big thing over the phone 200 miles away. Before it ends though, I ask her, "well are you still happy?" and got, "I dunno, we'll talk about it when you get back." Which completely sucked the guts right out of me. Not only because I know what that means, but because I was right and she tried to make me feel bad about it that morning. So I sit in my room freaking out and end up blowing off some folks from my training class because I was afraid of breaking down in front of them. The next day Lisa texts me something like, "Im sorry about yesterday, didn't want to talk about that over the phone" and I kinda fooled myself into thinking I just misread the way she said it. Anyways, to make this a little more brief. Thursday I went to a bar in Toledo with a bunch of guys and girls from the class, got really trashed, but kept my ass parked firmly in a chair because I just didn't want to go back to Valpo feeling like I'd cheated on her. And believe me, by being my "gots a girlfriend" I had girls talking to me that I never would have had talk to me any other night. It was terrible. :-P
So, I get back and I dont want to waste any time. Lisa say's she's not happy and that since we're pretty much just friends anyway anymore (grandparents fool around more than we do) we might as well see other people. This hurts my feelings terribly because sex was always the reason that aggravated me before, and I'd managed to finally get over that bugaboo in our relationship and now she's dumping ME over it. How's that for irony? So I tell her to take a fucking walk because I'd laid down the rules of living together when she begged me to give her another chance last year. And I mean that, she begged and pleaded for a goddamn week to take her with me to Ft Wayne when I moved. I meant what I said though and she got all pissed like this was my doing and gave me the cold shoulder until she left to go to the bar with Jenny. I laid on the couch thinking about this whole thing for a long time and at some point Lisa's cat Shinka came and snuggled up with me and started purring and made me happy for the first time all day. So I decided that I'd give staying in the same place as friends a try, especially since I couldn't be sure I'd be able to get the other half of the rent money and I'd really miss her cats and (possibly) her company.
So yesterday was pretty good. I convinced myself that I could find another girl and be able to handle Lisa, at least for the short term. She went out again last night and didn't come home till 6:30. I know this because I'd already woken up 10 minutes before that because the sun was crazy bright. While taking a leak in the bathroom, I noticed her camera sitting there. So I checked out what pics were on it and there were like 6 from an apartment that looks just like ours with Jenny, some guys and some other girls all over. At first I got insane pissed because I thought she was having these people over while I was sleeping. Seriously, I almost walked in there and started choking her. Luckily for her upon closer inspection there were liquor bottles along the cupboards in the pic and so it must be someone who lives in this complex somewhere or something. So I hit the menu button and it brought up the date: 2-12-06. The morning after our Valentines dinner. I wen't from angry to shocked. If I'd had a gun, I seriously would have shot myself in the head just so that she could find my dead body there with her camera and know. She was telling me she loved me and how great our weekend was and then spent who knows how long boozing with some guys, possibly right here in my own complex. So now I don't know what to do. I'm having a hard time even looking at her. She spent the entire day online or on the phone (with the door shut) like she's 13 and I'm her dad. She's now off somewhere and I wish I'd never agreed to let her stay. I'm so tired and stressed right now. Between the week in Ohio and this weekend, I haven't slept normally in 10 days. I'm approaching burn out and it's frustrating.
so thats all, hopefully this will at least let me get to sleep in less than an hour.
Lisa started going out with Jenny a lot the last 2 months again. I really didn't notice much because everything else was, as far as I could tell, going swimmingly. Valentines Day, or the weekend before it, wen't off really well and I could honestly say I was never more happy. So, the saturday before Valentines, Lisa and I went to Olive Garden. I really hadn't been able to find anything really special this year for V-day, but she insisted that dinner was fine so I was happy to take a year off. We had a nice time and went back to Valpo where she got ready and went out to the bar with Jenny that night. Whenever Lisa goes out I usually stay up watching TV, playing games, stuff like that until she comes home just in case she needs a ride because she's drank too much or her old ass car finally breaks down. Well I was up until 4:30 that morning before falling asleep on the couch. I texted her a little after 3 (when the bar closes) to see if she was gonna be home soon because I was tired. 45 minutes later I got something like, "We're at SNS, be home soon!" and she wasn't back before I finally dozed off. (more on this later)
So next comes last weekend. I had to go to Toledo sunday afternoon and spend a week at Owens Corning HQ for a sales training program. Lisa went out the night before with Jenny again. I didn't bother staying up because I had to be awake enough to drive 3 hours to ohio. Suprisingly to me, I wake up at about 5:00 am to take a leak and she's still not home. Now I wont go into the long, elaborate history of Lisa and I's many, many, falling out's, but this is the exact pattern it always follows. So she gets back around 6 am (it was already daylight out) and I'd been worried as hell about whats going on. She climbs into bed and I ask her flat out if she's seeing this guy Mike who she ditched me for last time. She'd mentioned seeing and talking to Mike a few times before, but in the spirit of being a trusting bf I didn't let her know how much that bothered me. She denied it up and down and layed a pretty good guilt trip on me about how she thought I was past all that, ect ect. The next day things are a little awkward but not bad and I leave for Toledo.
I pretty much spent the entire drive worrying about if I was right to accuse her like I did. It's always gone bad like that and I was still very uneasy about the whole thing. When Tuesday comes by, I try to talk to her about it on the phone and Lisa gets all dodgy and I really didn't want to get into a big thing over the phone 200 miles away. Before it ends though, I ask her, "well are you still happy?" and got, "I dunno, we'll talk about it when you get back." Which completely sucked the guts right out of me. Not only because I know what that means, but because I was right and she tried to make me feel bad about it that morning. So I sit in my room freaking out and end up blowing off some folks from my training class because I was afraid of breaking down in front of them. The next day Lisa texts me something like, "Im sorry about yesterday, didn't want to talk about that over the phone" and I kinda fooled myself into thinking I just misread the way she said it. Anyways, to make this a little more brief. Thursday I went to a bar in Toledo with a bunch of guys and girls from the class, got really trashed, but kept my ass parked firmly in a chair because I just didn't want to go back to Valpo feeling like I'd cheated on her. And believe me, by being my "gots a girlfriend" I had girls talking to me that I never would have had talk to me any other night. It was terrible. :-P
So, I get back and I dont want to waste any time. Lisa say's she's not happy and that since we're pretty much just friends anyway anymore (grandparents fool around more than we do) we might as well see other people. This hurts my feelings terribly because sex was always the reason that aggravated me before, and I'd managed to finally get over that bugaboo in our relationship and now she's dumping ME over it. How's that for irony? So I tell her to take a fucking walk because I'd laid down the rules of living together when she begged me to give her another chance last year. And I mean that, she begged and pleaded for a goddamn week to take her with me to Ft Wayne when I moved. I meant what I said though and she got all pissed like this was my doing and gave me the cold shoulder until she left to go to the bar with Jenny. I laid on the couch thinking about this whole thing for a long time and at some point Lisa's cat Shinka came and snuggled up with me and started purring and made me happy for the first time all day. So I decided that I'd give staying in the same place as friends a try, especially since I couldn't be sure I'd be able to get the other half of the rent money and I'd really miss her cats and (possibly) her company.
So yesterday was pretty good. I convinced myself that I could find another girl and be able to handle Lisa, at least for the short term. She went out again last night and didn't come home till 6:30. I know this because I'd already woken up 10 minutes before that because the sun was crazy bright. While taking a leak in the bathroom, I noticed her camera sitting there. So I checked out what pics were on it and there were like 6 from an apartment that looks just like ours with Jenny, some guys and some other girls all over. At first I got insane pissed because I thought she was having these people over while I was sleeping. Seriously, I almost walked in there and started choking her. Luckily for her upon closer inspection there were liquor bottles along the cupboards in the pic and so it must be someone who lives in this complex somewhere or something. So I hit the menu button and it brought up the date: 2-12-06. The morning after our Valentines dinner. I wen't from angry to shocked. If I'd had a gun, I seriously would have shot myself in the head just so that she could find my dead body there with her camera and know. She was telling me she loved me and how great our weekend was and then spent who knows how long boozing with some guys, possibly right here in my own complex. So now I don't know what to do. I'm having a hard time even looking at her. She spent the entire day online or on the phone (with the door shut) like she's 13 and I'm her dad. She's now off somewhere and I wish I'd never agreed to let her stay. I'm so tired and stressed right now. Between the week in Ohio and this weekend, I haven't slept normally in 10 days. I'm approaching burn out and it's frustrating.
so thats all, hopefully this will at least let me get to sleep in less than an hour.