Felt like telling an inanimate object how I feel.
Why? Right now I have the mutual feeling of envy and jealousy. Which if I talk it through with myself is not getting me anywhere obviously. If I look at 100 of my classmates/friends/coworkers I would consider myself in the top 20 (at least) successful in what I have done and accomplished heck even in my family for the most part. If those 100 people each told me I was more successful than them I don't think I would believe it. I feel like a fake. I feel so useless in this world. I think the thing I do best is make everyone of those 100 people laugh or smile. I miss Chris everytime I go into Target, it's ten times harder when I see people that look just like her coming through the door. A successful person...whose (from my standpoint) purpose it was to work at Target and be a loving mother and wife. A life taken briefly while I go on thinking malonious thoughts (it's not a word but I think you will understand live journal). I go crazy to think what my purpose is...to think at any moment I could be gone and my purpose was only to be me. I don't think fame and grandure is what I'm aiming for at all (but in essence it is what I'm thinking of as a purpose), but I want to be someone someday... something more. And thus concludes my depression therapy...