(no subject)
so its been a week or so of pressure and worries (and also some enjoyment), and now i'm free again, for an entire month this time.
this happened in high school too: after i have finished some huge stressful task i feel not only relief, but also something like redemption. I can't really rationalize this, except for maybe somewhere i believe that my hard work studying for and then taking tests washes away whatever laziness I have harboured earlier in the semester. So then I am setting myself free when i am done with it all. whatever the reason, its certainly not on the top level of my consciousness.
still, i think its good that i talk through it here, especially because lately i've been trying to pinpoint the exact reason that I write in here. Its a way for me to figure out myself sometimes, and other times a way to memorialize how I feel. there.
i said this last time but i still am trying to figure myself out. Either way, I am really very happy lately.
At the very end of the first semester, I am having a new social burst and befriending new people, or strengthening friendships were previously surface-level only. And i'm seeing how fond i really am of some people, and how genuinely nice some students here are.
I am watching Little Miss Sunshine on a date tomorrow, i'm excited. Even though its probably my last date with Justin, or at least my last until sophomore year. smile, I'm walking away from it with great memories and a better understanding of myself and the dynamics of dating. smile, I didn't let myself get scared and run away, which I have felt myself begin to do with other relationships in the recent past. smile, i met a wonderful person.
this has turned out to be quite a personal post. i feel clean and honest and excited for my life, maybe thats why i let loose.
this happened in high school too: after i have finished some huge stressful task i feel not only relief, but also something like redemption. I can't really rationalize this, except for maybe somewhere i believe that my hard work studying for and then taking tests washes away whatever laziness I have harboured earlier in the semester. So then I am setting myself free when i am done with it all. whatever the reason, its certainly not on the top level of my consciousness.
still, i think its good that i talk through it here, especially because lately i've been trying to pinpoint the exact reason that I write in here. Its a way for me to figure out myself sometimes, and other times a way to memorialize how I feel. there.
i said this last time but i still am trying to figure myself out. Either way, I am really very happy lately.
At the very end of the first semester, I am having a new social burst and befriending new people, or strengthening friendships were previously surface-level only. And i'm seeing how fond i really am of some people, and how genuinely nice some students here are.
I am watching Little Miss Sunshine on a date tomorrow, i'm excited. Even though its probably my last date with Justin, or at least my last until sophomore year. smile, I'm walking away from it with great memories and a better understanding of myself and the dynamics of dating. smile, I didn't let myself get scared and run away, which I have felt myself begin to do with other relationships in the recent past. smile, i met a wonderful person.
this has turned out to be quite a personal post. i feel clean and honest and excited for my life, maybe thats why i let loose.