Bit of a Bad Day.
Pray for me now, I'm in need.
I'm having a bit of a bad day. First and foremost, my cousin Jessica's 5 month old baby Keegan was airlifted to the hospital because he was having trouble breathing this morning. Now, they've discovered that he has a severe case of croup. This whole ordeal is a bit scary, so please, pray for him, and if you don't pray, then he could at least use some good thoughts.
I'm also extremely frustrated with myself today. I just need to say that I'm sorry I don't always hear what's being said, and I don't say what's on my mind. The truth is, I've spent 23 years of my life completely alone, with not many people to open up to, so it's really hard for me to just spit out what I'm thinking. I've always relied entirely on paper to relay my feelings. Talking is a fairly new concept to me, because it's harder for me to organize my thoughts. And I'm embarrassed to blurt out what I'm thinking because 90 percent of the time, it's incoherent.
I pride myself on being a good listener, when people need someone to talk to, and it's embarrassing for me if I don't catch what was said. I don't have the greatest hearing- when I'm listening to people I need to be looking at them or at least not somewhere where there are other noises. But I do care, I always care, and I don't ever want anyone to think I'm ignoring them, because I would never do that. I feel like total shit, why would I purposely bring that upon myself?
It's bad enough that I take everything so personally. I feel like I always have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I want to let it go, but it's difficult. If you spend enough time feeling bad about things, it's hard to get out of that rut.
I just wish I was good at being a person. Good at paying attention, good at quick thinking and good at reacting period. I am trying though, I promise you that.
I'm having a bit of a bad day. First and foremost, my cousin Jessica's 5 month old baby Keegan was airlifted to the hospital because he was having trouble breathing this morning. Now, they've discovered that he has a severe case of croup. This whole ordeal is a bit scary, so please, pray for him, and if you don't pray, then he could at least use some good thoughts.
I'm also extremely frustrated with myself today. I just need to say that I'm sorry I don't always hear what's being said, and I don't say what's on my mind. The truth is, I've spent 23 years of my life completely alone, with not many people to open up to, so it's really hard for me to just spit out what I'm thinking. I've always relied entirely on paper to relay my feelings. Talking is a fairly new concept to me, because it's harder for me to organize my thoughts. And I'm embarrassed to blurt out what I'm thinking because 90 percent of the time, it's incoherent.
I pride myself on being a good listener, when people need someone to talk to, and it's embarrassing for me if I don't catch what was said. I don't have the greatest hearing- when I'm listening to people I need to be looking at them or at least not somewhere where there are other noises. But I do care, I always care, and I don't ever want anyone to think I'm ignoring them, because I would never do that. I feel like total shit, why would I purposely bring that upon myself?
It's bad enough that I take everything so personally. I feel like I always have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I want to let it go, but it's difficult. If you spend enough time feeling bad about things, it's hard to get out of that rut.
I just wish I was good at being a person. Good at paying attention, good at quick thinking and good at reacting period. I am trying though, I promise you that.