(no subject)
High school is so much better than college. I thought growing up would be amazing; no one telling you what you need to do, the freedom, etc. But it's just turned into this one huge nightmare. It's like this never ending cycle of responsibilities and exams, as well as god awful teachers who can't teach. Sometimes I feel like I'm just stuck in this one spot where I can't move or I'm just not heading anywhere.
I also feel like I've turned into this person who I never wanted to become. I feel like I've been partying too much, and I never used to be like that. And the work just keeps piling up because apparently I'm enrolled in one of the hardest majors. Sometimes I just don't know how I'm going to be able to balance my academics, extracurriculars, and social life on the same plate. There's only so many hours in a day, and I'm already utterly exhausted. And then I start to think that maybe I should just change my major, I mean it's so competitive. Don't get me wrong, I'm good with competitive and I live for it. But I feel like there's no one here that can push me and make my killer instinct surface.
I also really miss my parents, especially my mom. I feel like they're in this whole different world now, one that I left a while back. I can't say that I feel like I'm with strangers when I am with them, it just feels forced and not as natural as it once was.
I'm also considering the fact of being this hermit. I feel like everyone is so worried about loosing each other as friends, but I feel like I just don't give a damn. People start stuff that are ridiculous and everyone ends up hating on each other. The truth is that time breaks friendships, sometimes we just grow apart. If she could understand this, I probably wouldn't be so upset and annoyed with her. I'm okay with being a hermit, by the way. The thought of it doesn't scare me at all, it actually promises peace and quiet. I really should consider this more thoroughly, it promises a lot of wonderful things.
I think I'm just ready to start my life. I feel like college is this place that is just holding me back. I've never been one who thrived being restrained. I need to do something, I need to start this journey. I feel like every single day in this place is making me lose a little bit of hope and of dreams one day at a time.