Outlines (Taecyeon-centric)
Fandom: 2PM
Title: Outlines
Rating: PG
Pairing(s)/Focus: Taecyeon-centric, past!Chansung/Wooyoung, implied!Minjun/Wooyoung, and a subdivision of Taecyeon/Chansung/Junho that’s for you to interpret as you read the story. :3
Length: ~5,000 words
Summary: In which a possible triangle becomes a shapeless tangle.
Warnings: language, alcohol
Notes: Written for kpop-ficmix; originally posted here. A remix of verocity’s Untitled.
+
Taecyeon is not the most observant of creatures, especially when it comes to other people. He knows that and it doesn’t bother him, it’s actually something he tries to keep up. He doesn’t want anybody meddling in his life, so the less tempted he is to do that to others, the safer he will be himself.
Once something does catch his attention, though, then he watches. Silently. He has done that enough to make it seem as if he’s not aware of his surroundings, which makes it all that easier not to care when he doesn’t want to. If he holds the feeling back, if his reaction seems slow or doesn’t come into shape or form, one might even say no feeling at all has come to pass.
He does need to be perceptive of people and things, though. If he weren’t good at that when he wanted and needed it, then he wouldn’t be on the way to becoming a successful entrepreneur. As far as he could tell, at first, the matter at hand was also part of business. As personal as it might be, having problems within the group could affect them as artists. He’s seen it enough, the small things building up until they become unbearable and eventually blow up. When it comes to 2PM, he cares too much not to get worried or feel the need to do something.
+
Not living in the dorm anymore makes him feel like an intruder. It’s a ridiculous impression, but it’s there, and the bonds he notices enhance it. Chansung is really close to Junho, Minjun and Wooyoung. Nichkhun is close to them all, including Taecyeon himself. Taecyeon knows he can count on all of them, but when it comes to being friends, he has to agree with Wooyoung when he says the two of them have more of a “bro like” relationship. That rules Wooyoung out, as in Taecyeon wouldn’t feel comfortable trying to get to him. He’s sure Nichkhun would handle this better and Wooyoung would probably confide in him, whereas Minjun would try to talk things out no matter how nosy he seemed, because he cares that much. Wooyoung has always had fun with their hyung, and until recently Chansung joined them more often than not, but then--
Taecyeon doesn’t really know what happened. He has an idea, just as Junho does, but neither of them can make claims past what they’ve witnessed. Whatever has trespassed between Wooyoung and Chansung, that probably isn’t for Taecyeon to know, and he usually wouldn’t mind not knowing except it leaves him with little room to maneuver. He wants to help, but if he can’t exactly solve the problem-- “Maybe it’s not a problem,” Junho’s words echo in his mind-- he can at least try to make his dongsaengs feel better.
+
“You brought us take-out again, hyung?” Chansung has a smile on his face as he takes the bags from Taecyeon, who watches him as he places them on the kitchen counter and then proceeds to set the table. He’s thin, their maknae, thinner than Taecyeon remembers him ever being. His face shows how tired he is no matter how good he’s got at concealing that. The bags under his eyes are evidence enough, despite his neverending cheerfulness and energetic disposition. He’s always ready to laugh, to have fun, to forget everything. Taecyeon can relate, but it also worries him, to know that Chansung hasn’t opened up to Junho, that Nichkhun doesn’t know what to do either.
“You should thank Minjun this time,” Taecyeon says, taking the boxes out of the bags to put them on the table. He brought beer too, though Minjun said both maknaes might refuse it for the sake of dieting. Taecyeon had rolled his eyes so hard Minjun flicked his arm repeatedly, but then Wooyoung asked him for help choosing dessert and that was the end of their conversation. Minjun had paid for everything Taecyeon brought to the dorm though.
“Is Minjunnie coming?” Junho greets Taecyeon with a fleeting smile. His eyes flicker to Chansung before he takes in the spicy chicken and the beer bags, and then he’s looking at Taecyeon again, piercing. “Are you lonely, Taecyeonnie hyung? It’s the third time you brought us dinner this week.” He seems to be joking, but Taecyeon catches the calculating glint in his eyes, and he knows Junho will question him later, he might be questioning him right now. They’ve discussed and argued about what to do and what not to do, and all the visits might fall under what Junho categorized as Coming On Too Strong, Chansung Will Realize Something’s Off. Junho hasn’t gotten any farther than him, though, so Taecyeon will keep on trying to cheer Chansung up for as long as the maknae lets him. And food has always been effective.
“Minjun’s clubbing with Woodong,” Taecyeon says, alert to Chansung’s sharp intake of breath, his hands stopping midway before he gets to fetch one of the boxes with food to help himself. It’s something he’d usually miss or ignore, but not now. Junho looks pointedly at him and Taecyeon tries to shrug imperceptibly in a silent apology that should actually be for Chansung, but Junho makes a dismissive gesture. They both sit down opposite each other to eat, Chansung at the end of the table.
“We should thank Taecyeonnie for his generosity, Nuneo,” Chansung says, already stuffing his face with food. It pleases Taecyeon, and it sure as hell assuages part of Junho’s worry even if his nose scrunches up slightly at Taecyeon and generosity being in the same sentence.
“As he said, we owe Minjunnie this time. Did you eat with him and Youngie, Taec?” Junho snaps a cloth napkin open and hangs it around his neck carefully, his fingers precise.
“No, I just stopped by because Minjun called me.”
“What about?” Junho asks, and Chansung looks from him to Taecyeon for a second. His gaze settles back on Junho, who coughs and tries to school his face into a friendly expression.
“Is there something going on?” he looks at Taecyeon, who makes sure to calm his breathing before meeting his eyes.
“I guess Nuneo’s jealous,” Taecyeon says, voice light despite its mocking edge. He lets the words hang before adding what’s no better than a lie. “He probably wanted to go out with his favorite hyung, but instead you two got stuck with me.”
Chansung sighs, shaking his head. “I like having you here, hyung. I bet Junho likes it too, he’s just in one of his moods right now.”
Junho looks sideways at Chansung, and Taecyeon can only imagine how hard he’s biting his tongue not to lash at the maknae, too.
+
“What’s bothering you?”
Junho keeps folding clothes, organizing them into neat piles. Airport outfit, interview outfit. Random extra clothes he probably won’t wear because he’ll hardly have any time to do things unrelated to his solo work. Socks, underwear. A large number of accessories. He would probably choose and take care of his own stage outfits if it weren’t for the staff responsible just for that. There’s no disturbance to his movements, no pause or flinch or swallow that makes it clear whether he heard the question or not. By now, Taecyeon has learned enough to know that means the question hit home.
Junho looks at him, eventually. Taecyeon’s been leaning on the door frame for some time now, arms crossed, wondering how Junho’s not melting considering how hot it is; with the air conditioning off in his room.
“I’ve failed.”
The words seem out of context at first, but Taecyeon has a feeling he knows what he means. He was right, days ago, when he said Junho’s jealous, and he meant jealous of what Taecyeon’s been doing for Chansung. Junho’s a perfectionist, but more than that he probably knows Chansung best out of all of them. Taecyeon may understand how frustrating it is, to see somebody else getting to distract Chansung and make him laugh with more genuinity than he’s done in a while, but it doesn’t justify Junho’s brittleness towards him.
“We’re not competing,” he says, as softly as he can.
Junho doesn’t relax. In fact, he seems to be struggling harder, knuckles white around a pair of socks. “You just don’t know it yet.”
+
Taecyeon has always preferred traveling in urban areas. The city is practical, familiar, alive with the rush of people going to work, to school, to stores. It's noisy and crowded and it never stops. Not all cities are like that, he knows, but being in the nature for two days and one night makes for a striking change nonetheless.
He will have to give it to Chansung, whose love for places like this is undeniable. He hasn’t stopped talking about the trees and the large pool of water that leads to a small waterfall, how the water rushes in between stones and makes a continuous sound that won’t lull them to sleep, but seems to be calling to their core as night falls. He also talks about books he’s read and how that bird they saw in the afternoon is probably the one such and such mentioned in some article. Taecyeon can barely keep up with him. Chansung’s passion for nature has a driving force that makes Taecyeon want to listen to him, even if he may not commit every detail to memory.
They spend a long, half stressful hour trying to understand how to build their tent, but it’s also fun, how they accuse each other of not knowing something so simple. Taecyeon teases him and Chansung throws every word back, though he’s kinder and his smile is warm when they finally get the gist of it, and then it’s a half-hearted bragging game that takes place. Chansung says they wouldn’t have managed if it weren’t for him demanding they stop and read the effing instructions again. Taecyeon tells him to shove the excessive politeness in the tent’s hole because it was his strength that allowed them to fix the pins on the hard ground. They’re both grinning at this point, just glad they got to do this before it got too dark. They are also tired and hungry, and they attack the sandwiches Nichkhun prepared for them with gusto. It had been Nichkhun’s idea to bring Chansung here, and Taecyeon will gladly thank him later with a ticket to Disneyland or whatever Nichkhun wants if Chansung keeps up the good mood.
+
They find a trail that can be walked on without having to push too many branches aside or skip fallen tree trunks, and their morning is spent in the fresh air, the birds keeping them company through their constant chirping and singing. Taecyeon gets scared more than once by what’s probably just some wild, free animal moving around, and it never gets old to Chansung, whose guffaws send many birds flying before they’re back to their tent.
“Oh no, hyung! Look!” Chansung points at their coolbox, which was turned upside down, all remaining food bitten or vanished, drinks spilled on the ground. “Didn’t we put this in the tent before we left?”
“Didn’t you?” Taecyeon corrects him, but he’s not annoyed. He’s hungry, yes, but he finds their bags of chips and cookies still intact, safe in the tent, and they have the bottles of water they took for hiking. Chansung’s got a third of his left, and Taecyeon almost finished his own, but that will do, if they decide to leave earlier.
“I’m sorry, hyung...” Chansung sounds so disappointed with himself; Taecyeon shakes his head and puts an arm around his shoulders.
“Hey, hey, that’s nothing. Okay? We’ve still got some snacks, and we can leave just in time for lunch. How about that?”
“Only if you let me pay!”
“Well, if you insist...” Taecyeon’s cheeky grin comes easily and so does Chansung’s amused smile.
“I remember when we used to do that.”
“Do what?”
“You’d trap me into paying for things because I was the maknae, and I always fell for it.”
Taecyeon’s eyes crinkle at the edges. “You still do.”
Chansung shoves at him, and Taecyeon tries to slap his ass, but the other just takes another step away. “Anyway,” he says, crouching around the coolbox to try and clean that mess. “Back then, I didn’t mind it so much, because you were always around to fix things for us, so I felt like it was fair.” There’s some wistfulness in his voice that catches Taecyeon off guard, not because of the sense of longing itself but for the moment it comes out. Maybe Chansung’s not even aware of that. The tight smile he sends Taecyeon is quick in denying that, however.
Taecyeon’s lips curve up but it’s faint, fading just as quickly. "Well, now you're all grown up. Doing things for yourself." The admiration in his voice is real, and he’s said so enough for Chansung to know it’s true. The maknae remains in silence, though, moving to sit on the grass.
"Hyung..."
Taecyeon sits down next to him, but leaves some distance between them. Chansung looks at the water, the trees, the stones, the sky-- anywhere but at him. Taecyeon tries to do the same, but he can’t help looking at Chansung every now and then as the maknae finally lets him in on what the real problem is.
+
Taecyeon doesn’t know what to say. What can he tell Chansung? Should he even say anything? Chansung’s probably telling this more for himself than to Taecyeon, but he still feels like he ought to speak. What kind of hyung would he be if he couldn’t do something more for his dongsaeng?
He swallows, following the water as it rushes in between and over stones, slowing down into the natural pool, but not really stopping as it continues its way past what their eyes can see from where they’re sitting. The words don’t come. Not yet.
Chansung eventually says the one thing he told Wooyoung himself, the one thing Taecyeon knows about because Minjun told him about it. “I miss him.”
“He misses you too,” Taecyeon says, berating himself for letting that out, but isn’t that something Chansung ought to know? “I mean...”
“I know, hyung. He told me... that night, when I-” The interrupted sentence keeps on like that. Chansung had told Wooyoung how he felt, but it was too late. Wooyoung had already moved on by then, and he soon moved out as well. Chansung shakes his head as if at his younger self, or as if trying to get back to a moment where he could have changed things.
“Do you still...?”
Chansung blinks. "It’s not that. I guess Minjun hyung thinks that’s why I’m not partying with them anymore- I mean, not now, I miss them, I’ll get back to doing that, but...”
Taecyeon holds his questions back. He doesn’t have the right one to ask. He also doesn’t want to pressure Chansung, when it’s the very lack of pressure to speak that got them to this point.
Chansung shakes his head again. "I've already talked to Wooyoung about this. He should know we’re- it’s in the past now. I had my doubts at first, but he's really..." he trails off, plucking bad weeds from the ground and letting them fall slowly through his fingers. He sighs. "He's happy, hyung. In ways I could never make him."
Taecyeon takes his time at digesting that. Is Chansung jealous? The idea sounds strange to Taecyeon, it fits Junho easily but not Chansung. However, is that a feeling people could just control? What matters more is probably what you do about it, and Taecyeon is sure Chansung wouldn't react badly if he did feel that way. No bitterness or random displays of anger, just- withdrawal. Not the best solution either, but Taecyeon would say Chansung was handling the whole situation better than what might be expected, considering everything he has concealed so far. "Is that why... you stopped going out with him and Minjun?"
Chansung’s shrug is almost diffident. "I wanted to give them some privacy. There were times when... I felt like they would do something else if I wasn't there."
Taecyeon heaves a deep sigh, yet keeps it quiet. He hopes Chansung hasn’t overanalyzed the situation, but if he did feel like that at times, it wouldn’t matter what was really taking place or not. "But... you don’t want to get back-"
Chansung shakes his head. "I don't feel bad that way. I just don't want to be in their way. I'm happy for them, hyung, I'm not just saying it. But I..." He exhales through what’s the ghost of a smile, looking as if he found himself silly. "I wish I had something like that."
So Chansung is jealous, but not for the reasons Taecyeon thought. "Me too," He says, not just to comfort Chansung. He doubts the other would expect or want that anyway. Somebody who's always looking for knowledge and as thoughtful as Chansung couldn't also seek for something as simple as that. Comfort won’t come from overthinking. Taecyeon sees philosophy as an endless chain of questions, and that unsettles him. He needs certainty; he relies on what he knows, on the ground beneath his feet.
Maybe he should just keep helping Chansung find his own ground to stand on, for now.
+
Taecyeon takes his shoes off and runs to the water, jumping in with clothes and everything. It's freezing, a shock to his sunkissed skin. He resurfaces with a loud gasp followed by a childish scream. Chansung's laughing at him, surprise and excitement making his face glow. Taecyeon grins as he jumps in, after taking off his shirt and throwing it in the tent. The water splashes loudly and Chansung's bubbling with laughter as he approaches him and tries to shove him down, underwater.
They're still close enough to the riverbank that Taecyeon can plant his feet firmly on the ground and stand with his shoulders above water level, so even when Chansung persists, he doesn't budge.
"Hyung!" He chuckles despite his frustration. "Let's play!"
Chansung can't see the mischievous glint in his eyes, so by the time Taecyeon takes a firm hold of the hands on his shoulders to pull and then push Chansung down, the latter can't fight him. He lets the maknae come back up long enough to stare at his confused yet amused face, and then Taecyeon shoves him down again, letting him go this time.
Chansung laughs through a gasping, coughing fit that has Taecyeon smiling at him. He swims past Chansung, to the deeper side that leads to the small waterfall, where there are stones and the ground gets more slippery.
Chansung dives, disappears for a few seconds and then resurfaces closer to Taecyeon. "The water here is so clear!" He dives again, and for a few seconds everything’s eerily quiet.
Taecyeon can barely make the dark blur in the water that is Chansung before he's grabbed by the legs and pulled. He's not prepared and goes, but there's time to close his mouth and hold his breath. He kicks Chansung's hands off his shanks and moves to push him down again, but Chansung takes hold of his shoulders to press them down too. Taecyeon shouts nonsense in his face but Chansung just laughs happily, weighs on him to jump up and press down harder, and Taecyeon struggles because his feet are off the sandy, stony ground and he has to keep moving his legs or he'll sink. Chansung's grinning at him like the playful kid that he is. Taecyeon ends up succumbing to the strength in his joy, but when he goes he takes Chansung with him.
They're shoving and kicking at each other as they come back up. Chansung never stops laughing, but if that happens it's just a warning that he's got a plan. Taecyeon manages to block him or counter attack most of the time. Except when he's floating, enjoying the sun, the near silence and the slow flow of time - until two hands basically slap at his belly and chest to shove him down. Taecyeon can't help laughing along, content that his own primary plan seems to be working. He'll need to bring Chansung here or to similar places more often, but he won't mind. He's already enjoying the experience, and the look on Chansung's face is worth any combination of mosquito bites, lack of Internet and the loss of Taecyeon’s dignity every time some random animal scares him.
+
“We should make a fire next time!” Chansung says, his excitement unquestionable. Taecyeon’s lifting up the now folded tent and putting it in the car trunk, Chansung holding the lid up just in case Taecyeon hits it and causes some accident. The maknae used that as his argument, and Taecyeon couldn’t protest after he almost hurt himself while they took the tent down.
“Do you even know how to make one?” He asks, genuinely curious. He would bet not, but Chansung might have tried it without him knowing or at least have the theoretical knowledge that could also lead to Taecyeon’s amusement before it worked in practice.
“We could try,” Chansung says with a shrug. “We should also invite the others, so we’ll have more fun.”
Taecyeon knows he’s being honest and didn’t mean anything by that, but that doesn’t mean he can’t tease him. “So we didn’t have fun?”
“I said, more fun.” Chansung smiles at him. “Thanks, hyung.”
Taecyeon moves to close the trunk but he hits his head on the trunk lid when he’s standing up. He screams bloody murder and Chansung’s laughing despite obviously trying not to, but he also comes to remove Taecyeon’s hands from the back of his head to examine it.
“Aigooo Taecyeon ah,” he chuckles, massaging his scalp. “Give me the keys, I’ll drive.”
“Ha, as if I’d let you do that so easily.” He winces when Chansung pokes hard at his chest while still working to soothe his pain. “Okay, okay, you can drive. But you’ll have to follow my directions, we’re not going home after lunch.”
“We’re not?” Chansung stops for a moment, his curiosity keeping his lips parted and making him look younger than usual. “Where are we going?”
+
Chansung’s shaking with laughter, leaning on Taecyeon, and holding on to his arm so he won’t fall. The slightly taller one has to hold onto his arm in turn and pull him back up; otherwise they’ll both end up on the ground. “Come on, hyung, let’s go again!”
Taecyeon shakes his head once, resolutely. “I’m not going anywhere near that thing again.”
“But I screamed first! I had to drink a bottle of soju in one go, not you!”
“Yeah, but do we really want you to drink two in a row? I guess not.”
Chansung huffs at him. Taecyeon answers to that with a frown that only makes the other laugh instead of straightening up or anything else that might show some respect. “Okay, no Gyro Drop, then. But how about the Gyro Swing?”
“That’s even worse!” His voice sounds a little squeaky, so Taecyeon coughs, straightening himself up and nudging at Chansung’s back for him to do the same. The maknae still clings to his arm, though. Maybe he’s a little dizzy from the ride and the alcohol. They’ve been drinking since early in the afternoon: first beer at lunch, then soju even before they started betting on each other’s reactions as they made their way through several rides in the amusement park.
“We could try the Drunken Basket?”
Taecyeon’s eyebrows rise slightly. “Can you even handle that now?”
Chansung stops to look at him. He puts his hands on his waist and everything. The stance evidences his hips and Taecyeon is suddenly reminded of things he really wish he hadn’t paid attention to. Chansung is talking, though, so his eyes remain on the maknae’s face. “Whoever screams first will drink two bottles of soju.”
“Now you’re just-”
“You can slap me awake if I pass out.”
+
Maybe Chansung needed this, Taecyeon tells himself, a sense of guilt settling in his gut nonetheless. The maknae had been really excited about going to the amusement park and betting against his hyung, who then thought this was still a good idea as long as they had fun. He trusted Chansung to hold his liquor well because that’s how they’ve both been most of the time, they know how to drink, but-- Taecyeon should have foreseen that too much eagerness with lack of sleep and the rush of the rides might eventually take their toll.
He had to drag Chansung to the car, fix his seatbelt and somehow lean the seat back so Chansung’s head wouldn’t keep rolling to the side in a way that might hurt once he regained full consciousness. He was not completely out by the time they arrived at the dorm, but even if he were Taecyeon wouldn’t take his words to heart and hit his face. He did feel like closing Chansung’s mouth and pull his hair away from his face, but that was out of the question, too.
“What did you do?” Junho asks, after taking a long look at Chansung, his grimace almost cute if it weren’t just as offensive as the accusation in his voice.
“Poisoned him, obviously.” Taecyeon tries to joke, but the tension makes his words come out flat instead of teasing. That works into making Junho shut up for a while, though, so it’s probably for the best.
They both bring Chansung to the living room, dropping him on the couch. He rolls to the side and almost falls on the floor, but Junho pushes at his chest and face to get him back in place. Junho’s hands are not careless, but they’re not exactly gentle, either.
“I’m sorry he’s like this,” Taecyeon says, more for himself than for Junho’s sake. “He got a little carried away, I guess.”
Junho nods absently. When he finally looks up from Chansung to fix his stare on Taecyeon, the latter is only a little surprised at the emotion that seems to waver in Junho’s eyes. “Did you guys have a good time?”
“Yeah.” He nods. It feels necessary to reassure Junho of that.
Junho crosses his arms, but for a second it seems like he’s hugging himself. He looks to the side, then down at Chansung again. “That’s great.”
Taecyeon almost tells him that Chansung let some things out when they were camping, but he holds it back. He wants Junho to know their friend might be ok, on the way to being ok, but maybe Junho’s not. Junho might even get all that by himself, and he doesn’t need Taecyeon to boast about it, even if that’s not his intention.
“Do you want help getting him to his room?” he asks instead, knowing just how heavy the youngest one is in spite of his current extra slenderness.
Junho shakes his head. “He won’t be asleep for long.”
Taecyeon almost says he doubts that, but something in Junho’s tone tells him Chansung might be in for some nasty outburst once the two maknaes are alone. He takes a deep breath, checks a sigh. Junho might be difficult to handle, but he and Chansung have always gotten along perfectly well, pettiness and disagreements included. Taecyeon refuses to worry about that as well.
“Tell me if you guys need anything,” Taecyeon says as he walks to the door, Junho’s silence an answer in itself.
+
He’s falling asleep, phone in hand feeling like one in his lethargy. It’s a nice sensation, one he clings to in his will to rest, but somebody flops down next to him and he jerks up, disoriented by the loud music and jumbled conversations all around him. Flashing lights, moving bodies, the beat that’s not of his own heart.
“You should go home now, Taecyeonnie,” comes Wooyoung’s voice, loud but raspy from all the shouting but still cheerful. He’s wearing sunglasses but his smile and the way he moves to stand up and then sit down again are enough to show how much energy he still has. “Hey,” his tone changes, and Taecyeon strains to catch his next words. “Thank you, hyung.”
Wooyoung’s looking straight at him when he says that, sunglasses temporarily down to the tip of his nose, and then he’s standing up once more and searching through the crowd until he finds Minjun, who’s dancing with Chansung and Nichkhun.
Taecyeon blinks, the words and the place and Chansung’s being there with them finally registering, all at once, so he has to keep sitting down for a while. How long did he doze off? When did Chansung arrive? What time is it?
“Boring party, right?” Junho sits down on the couch, light as a feather. Taecyeon squints at him, not sure if Junho had also been there before.
“I need to go home,” he mumbles, but Junho seems to understand him, for he also gets up and then puts a hand on the back of Taecyeon’s neck, much like he would often do to Chansung as well. His fingers are warm. It lingers.
Junho looks at their group of friends and smiles at a grinning Chansung, who waves at them. “I’ll take you home, hyung,” Junho says, already leading him out. His amused smile at Taecyeon’s confused face is not forced, nor does it fade any time soon. His fingers are warm. It lingers.
Taecyeon is not the most observant of creatures, especially when he’s sleepy.
+
Title: Outlines
Rating: PG
Pairing(s)/Focus: Taecyeon-centric, past!Chansung/Wooyoung, implied!Minjun/Wooyoung, and a subdivision of Taecyeon/Chansung/Junho that’s for you to interpret as you read the story. :3
Length: ~5,000 words
Summary: In which a possible triangle becomes a shapeless tangle.
Warnings: language, alcohol
Notes: Written for kpop-ficmix; originally posted here. A remix of verocity’s Untitled.
+
Taecyeon is not the most observant of creatures, especially when it comes to other people. He knows that and it doesn’t bother him, it’s actually something he tries to keep up. He doesn’t want anybody meddling in his life, so the less tempted he is to do that to others, the safer he will be himself.
Once something does catch his attention, though, then he watches. Silently. He has done that enough to make it seem as if he’s not aware of his surroundings, which makes it all that easier not to care when he doesn’t want to. If he holds the feeling back, if his reaction seems slow or doesn’t come into shape or form, one might even say no feeling at all has come to pass.
He does need to be perceptive of people and things, though. If he weren’t good at that when he wanted and needed it, then he wouldn’t be on the way to becoming a successful entrepreneur. As far as he could tell, at first, the matter at hand was also part of business. As personal as it might be, having problems within the group could affect them as artists. He’s seen it enough, the small things building up until they become unbearable and eventually blow up. When it comes to 2PM, he cares too much not to get worried or feel the need to do something.
+
Not living in the dorm anymore makes him feel like an intruder. It’s a ridiculous impression, but it’s there, and the bonds he notices enhance it. Chansung is really close to Junho, Minjun and Wooyoung. Nichkhun is close to them all, including Taecyeon himself. Taecyeon knows he can count on all of them, but when it comes to being friends, he has to agree with Wooyoung when he says the two of them have more of a “bro like” relationship. That rules Wooyoung out, as in Taecyeon wouldn’t feel comfortable trying to get to him. He’s sure Nichkhun would handle this better and Wooyoung would probably confide in him, whereas Minjun would try to talk things out no matter how nosy he seemed, because he cares that much. Wooyoung has always had fun with their hyung, and until recently Chansung joined them more often than not, but then--
Taecyeon doesn’t really know what happened. He has an idea, just as Junho does, but neither of them can make claims past what they’ve witnessed. Whatever has trespassed between Wooyoung and Chansung, that probably isn’t for Taecyeon to know, and he usually wouldn’t mind not knowing except it leaves him with little room to maneuver. He wants to help, but if he can’t exactly solve the problem-- “Maybe it’s not a problem,” Junho’s words echo in his mind-- he can at least try to make his dongsaengs feel better.
+
“You brought us take-out again, hyung?” Chansung has a smile on his face as he takes the bags from Taecyeon, who watches him as he places them on the kitchen counter and then proceeds to set the table. He’s thin, their maknae, thinner than Taecyeon remembers him ever being. His face shows how tired he is no matter how good he’s got at concealing that. The bags under his eyes are evidence enough, despite his neverending cheerfulness and energetic disposition. He’s always ready to laugh, to have fun, to forget everything. Taecyeon can relate, but it also worries him, to know that Chansung hasn’t opened up to Junho, that Nichkhun doesn’t know what to do either.
“You should thank Minjun this time,” Taecyeon says, taking the boxes out of the bags to put them on the table. He brought beer too, though Minjun said both maknaes might refuse it for the sake of dieting. Taecyeon had rolled his eyes so hard Minjun flicked his arm repeatedly, but then Wooyoung asked him for help choosing dessert and that was the end of their conversation. Minjun had paid for everything Taecyeon brought to the dorm though.
“Is Minjunnie coming?” Junho greets Taecyeon with a fleeting smile. His eyes flicker to Chansung before he takes in the spicy chicken and the beer bags, and then he’s looking at Taecyeon again, piercing. “Are you lonely, Taecyeonnie hyung? It’s the third time you brought us dinner this week.” He seems to be joking, but Taecyeon catches the calculating glint in his eyes, and he knows Junho will question him later, he might be questioning him right now. They’ve discussed and argued about what to do and what not to do, and all the visits might fall under what Junho categorized as Coming On Too Strong, Chansung Will Realize Something’s Off. Junho hasn’t gotten any farther than him, though, so Taecyeon will keep on trying to cheer Chansung up for as long as the maknae lets him. And food has always been effective.
“Minjun’s clubbing with Woodong,” Taecyeon says, alert to Chansung’s sharp intake of breath, his hands stopping midway before he gets to fetch one of the boxes with food to help himself. It’s something he’d usually miss or ignore, but not now. Junho looks pointedly at him and Taecyeon tries to shrug imperceptibly in a silent apology that should actually be for Chansung, but Junho makes a dismissive gesture. They both sit down opposite each other to eat, Chansung at the end of the table.
“We should thank Taecyeonnie for his generosity, Nuneo,” Chansung says, already stuffing his face with food. It pleases Taecyeon, and it sure as hell assuages part of Junho’s worry even if his nose scrunches up slightly at Taecyeon and generosity being in the same sentence.
“As he said, we owe Minjunnie this time. Did you eat with him and Youngie, Taec?” Junho snaps a cloth napkin open and hangs it around his neck carefully, his fingers precise.
“No, I just stopped by because Minjun called me.”
“What about?” Junho asks, and Chansung looks from him to Taecyeon for a second. His gaze settles back on Junho, who coughs and tries to school his face into a friendly expression.
“Is there something going on?” he looks at Taecyeon, who makes sure to calm his breathing before meeting his eyes.
“I guess Nuneo’s jealous,” Taecyeon says, voice light despite its mocking edge. He lets the words hang before adding what’s no better than a lie. “He probably wanted to go out with his favorite hyung, but instead you two got stuck with me.”
Chansung sighs, shaking his head. “I like having you here, hyung. I bet Junho likes it too, he’s just in one of his moods right now.”
Junho looks sideways at Chansung, and Taecyeon can only imagine how hard he’s biting his tongue not to lash at the maknae, too.
+
“What’s bothering you?”
Junho keeps folding clothes, organizing them into neat piles. Airport outfit, interview outfit. Random extra clothes he probably won’t wear because he’ll hardly have any time to do things unrelated to his solo work. Socks, underwear. A large number of accessories. He would probably choose and take care of his own stage outfits if it weren’t for the staff responsible just for that. There’s no disturbance to his movements, no pause or flinch or swallow that makes it clear whether he heard the question or not. By now, Taecyeon has learned enough to know that means the question hit home.
Junho looks at him, eventually. Taecyeon’s been leaning on the door frame for some time now, arms crossed, wondering how Junho’s not melting considering how hot it is; with the air conditioning off in his room.
“I’ve failed.”
The words seem out of context at first, but Taecyeon has a feeling he knows what he means. He was right, days ago, when he said Junho’s jealous, and he meant jealous of what Taecyeon’s been doing for Chansung. Junho’s a perfectionist, but more than that he probably knows Chansung best out of all of them. Taecyeon may understand how frustrating it is, to see somebody else getting to distract Chansung and make him laugh with more genuinity than he’s done in a while, but it doesn’t justify Junho’s brittleness towards him.
“We’re not competing,” he says, as softly as he can.
Junho doesn’t relax. In fact, he seems to be struggling harder, knuckles white around a pair of socks. “You just don’t know it yet.”
+
Taecyeon has always preferred traveling in urban areas. The city is practical, familiar, alive with the rush of people going to work, to school, to stores. It's noisy and crowded and it never stops. Not all cities are like that, he knows, but being in the nature for two days and one night makes for a striking change nonetheless.
He will have to give it to Chansung, whose love for places like this is undeniable. He hasn’t stopped talking about the trees and the large pool of water that leads to a small waterfall, how the water rushes in between stones and makes a continuous sound that won’t lull them to sleep, but seems to be calling to their core as night falls. He also talks about books he’s read and how that bird they saw in the afternoon is probably the one such and such mentioned in some article. Taecyeon can barely keep up with him. Chansung’s passion for nature has a driving force that makes Taecyeon want to listen to him, even if he may not commit every detail to memory.
They spend a long, half stressful hour trying to understand how to build their tent, but it’s also fun, how they accuse each other of not knowing something so simple. Taecyeon teases him and Chansung throws every word back, though he’s kinder and his smile is warm when they finally get the gist of it, and then it’s a half-hearted bragging game that takes place. Chansung says they wouldn’t have managed if it weren’t for him demanding they stop and read the effing instructions again. Taecyeon tells him to shove the excessive politeness in the tent’s hole because it was his strength that allowed them to fix the pins on the hard ground. They’re both grinning at this point, just glad they got to do this before it got too dark. They are also tired and hungry, and they attack the sandwiches Nichkhun prepared for them with gusto. It had been Nichkhun’s idea to bring Chansung here, and Taecyeon will gladly thank him later with a ticket to Disneyland or whatever Nichkhun wants if Chansung keeps up the good mood.
+
They find a trail that can be walked on without having to push too many branches aside or skip fallen tree trunks, and their morning is spent in the fresh air, the birds keeping them company through their constant chirping and singing. Taecyeon gets scared more than once by what’s probably just some wild, free animal moving around, and it never gets old to Chansung, whose guffaws send many birds flying before they’re back to their tent.
“Oh no, hyung! Look!” Chansung points at their coolbox, which was turned upside down, all remaining food bitten or vanished, drinks spilled on the ground. “Didn’t we put this in the tent before we left?”
“Didn’t you?” Taecyeon corrects him, but he’s not annoyed. He’s hungry, yes, but he finds their bags of chips and cookies still intact, safe in the tent, and they have the bottles of water they took for hiking. Chansung’s got a third of his left, and Taecyeon almost finished his own, but that will do, if they decide to leave earlier.
“I’m sorry, hyung...” Chansung sounds so disappointed with himself; Taecyeon shakes his head and puts an arm around his shoulders.
“Hey, hey, that’s nothing. Okay? We’ve still got some snacks, and we can leave just in time for lunch. How about that?”
“Only if you let me pay!”
“Well, if you insist...” Taecyeon’s cheeky grin comes easily and so does Chansung’s amused smile.
“I remember when we used to do that.”
“Do what?”
“You’d trap me into paying for things because I was the maknae, and I always fell for it.”
Taecyeon’s eyes crinkle at the edges. “You still do.”
Chansung shoves at him, and Taecyeon tries to slap his ass, but the other just takes another step away. “Anyway,” he says, crouching around the coolbox to try and clean that mess. “Back then, I didn’t mind it so much, because you were always around to fix things for us, so I felt like it was fair.” There’s some wistfulness in his voice that catches Taecyeon off guard, not because of the sense of longing itself but for the moment it comes out. Maybe Chansung’s not even aware of that. The tight smile he sends Taecyeon is quick in denying that, however.
Taecyeon’s lips curve up but it’s faint, fading just as quickly. "Well, now you're all grown up. Doing things for yourself." The admiration in his voice is real, and he’s said so enough for Chansung to know it’s true. The maknae remains in silence, though, moving to sit on the grass.
"Hyung..."
Taecyeon sits down next to him, but leaves some distance between them. Chansung looks at the water, the trees, the stones, the sky-- anywhere but at him. Taecyeon tries to do the same, but he can’t help looking at Chansung every now and then as the maknae finally lets him in on what the real problem is.
+
Taecyeon doesn’t know what to say. What can he tell Chansung? Should he even say anything? Chansung’s probably telling this more for himself than to Taecyeon, but he still feels like he ought to speak. What kind of hyung would he be if he couldn’t do something more for his dongsaeng?
He swallows, following the water as it rushes in between and over stones, slowing down into the natural pool, but not really stopping as it continues its way past what their eyes can see from where they’re sitting. The words don’t come. Not yet.
Chansung eventually says the one thing he told Wooyoung himself, the one thing Taecyeon knows about because Minjun told him about it. “I miss him.”
“He misses you too,” Taecyeon says, berating himself for letting that out, but isn’t that something Chansung ought to know? “I mean...”
“I know, hyung. He told me... that night, when I-” The interrupted sentence keeps on like that. Chansung had told Wooyoung how he felt, but it was too late. Wooyoung had already moved on by then, and he soon moved out as well. Chansung shakes his head as if at his younger self, or as if trying to get back to a moment where he could have changed things.
“Do you still...?”
Chansung blinks. "It’s not that. I guess Minjun hyung thinks that’s why I’m not partying with them anymore- I mean, not now, I miss them, I’ll get back to doing that, but...”
Taecyeon holds his questions back. He doesn’t have the right one to ask. He also doesn’t want to pressure Chansung, when it’s the very lack of pressure to speak that got them to this point.
Chansung shakes his head again. "I've already talked to Wooyoung about this. He should know we’re- it’s in the past now. I had my doubts at first, but he's really..." he trails off, plucking bad weeds from the ground and letting them fall slowly through his fingers. He sighs. "He's happy, hyung. In ways I could never make him."
Taecyeon takes his time at digesting that. Is Chansung jealous? The idea sounds strange to Taecyeon, it fits Junho easily but not Chansung. However, is that a feeling people could just control? What matters more is probably what you do about it, and Taecyeon is sure Chansung wouldn't react badly if he did feel that way. No bitterness or random displays of anger, just- withdrawal. Not the best solution either, but Taecyeon would say Chansung was handling the whole situation better than what might be expected, considering everything he has concealed so far. "Is that why... you stopped going out with him and Minjun?"
Chansung’s shrug is almost diffident. "I wanted to give them some privacy. There were times when... I felt like they would do something else if I wasn't there."
Taecyeon heaves a deep sigh, yet keeps it quiet. He hopes Chansung hasn’t overanalyzed the situation, but if he did feel like that at times, it wouldn’t matter what was really taking place or not. "But... you don’t want to get back-"
Chansung shakes his head. "I don't feel bad that way. I just don't want to be in their way. I'm happy for them, hyung, I'm not just saying it. But I..." He exhales through what’s the ghost of a smile, looking as if he found himself silly. "I wish I had something like that."
So Chansung is jealous, but not for the reasons Taecyeon thought. "Me too," He says, not just to comfort Chansung. He doubts the other would expect or want that anyway. Somebody who's always looking for knowledge and as thoughtful as Chansung couldn't also seek for something as simple as that. Comfort won’t come from overthinking. Taecyeon sees philosophy as an endless chain of questions, and that unsettles him. He needs certainty; he relies on what he knows, on the ground beneath his feet.
Maybe he should just keep helping Chansung find his own ground to stand on, for now.
+
Taecyeon takes his shoes off and runs to the water, jumping in with clothes and everything. It's freezing, a shock to his sunkissed skin. He resurfaces with a loud gasp followed by a childish scream. Chansung's laughing at him, surprise and excitement making his face glow. Taecyeon grins as he jumps in, after taking off his shirt and throwing it in the tent. The water splashes loudly and Chansung's bubbling with laughter as he approaches him and tries to shove him down, underwater.
They're still close enough to the riverbank that Taecyeon can plant his feet firmly on the ground and stand with his shoulders above water level, so even when Chansung persists, he doesn't budge.
"Hyung!" He chuckles despite his frustration. "Let's play!"
Chansung can't see the mischievous glint in his eyes, so by the time Taecyeon takes a firm hold of the hands on his shoulders to pull and then push Chansung down, the latter can't fight him. He lets the maknae come back up long enough to stare at his confused yet amused face, and then Taecyeon shoves him down again, letting him go this time.
Chansung laughs through a gasping, coughing fit that has Taecyeon smiling at him. He swims past Chansung, to the deeper side that leads to the small waterfall, where there are stones and the ground gets more slippery.
Chansung dives, disappears for a few seconds and then resurfaces closer to Taecyeon. "The water here is so clear!" He dives again, and for a few seconds everything’s eerily quiet.
Taecyeon can barely make the dark blur in the water that is Chansung before he's grabbed by the legs and pulled. He's not prepared and goes, but there's time to close his mouth and hold his breath. He kicks Chansung's hands off his shanks and moves to push him down again, but Chansung takes hold of his shoulders to press them down too. Taecyeon shouts nonsense in his face but Chansung just laughs happily, weighs on him to jump up and press down harder, and Taecyeon struggles because his feet are off the sandy, stony ground and he has to keep moving his legs or he'll sink. Chansung's grinning at him like the playful kid that he is. Taecyeon ends up succumbing to the strength in his joy, but when he goes he takes Chansung with him.
They're shoving and kicking at each other as they come back up. Chansung never stops laughing, but if that happens it's just a warning that he's got a plan. Taecyeon manages to block him or counter attack most of the time. Except when he's floating, enjoying the sun, the near silence and the slow flow of time - until two hands basically slap at his belly and chest to shove him down. Taecyeon can't help laughing along, content that his own primary plan seems to be working. He'll need to bring Chansung here or to similar places more often, but he won't mind. He's already enjoying the experience, and the look on Chansung's face is worth any combination of mosquito bites, lack of Internet and the loss of Taecyeon’s dignity every time some random animal scares him.
+
“We should make a fire next time!” Chansung says, his excitement unquestionable. Taecyeon’s lifting up the now folded tent and putting it in the car trunk, Chansung holding the lid up just in case Taecyeon hits it and causes some accident. The maknae used that as his argument, and Taecyeon couldn’t protest after he almost hurt himself while they took the tent down.
“Do you even know how to make one?” He asks, genuinely curious. He would bet not, but Chansung might have tried it without him knowing or at least have the theoretical knowledge that could also lead to Taecyeon’s amusement before it worked in practice.
“We could try,” Chansung says with a shrug. “We should also invite the others, so we’ll have more fun.”
Taecyeon knows he’s being honest and didn’t mean anything by that, but that doesn’t mean he can’t tease him. “So we didn’t have fun?”
“I said, more fun.” Chansung smiles at him. “Thanks, hyung.”
Taecyeon moves to close the trunk but he hits his head on the trunk lid when he’s standing up. He screams bloody murder and Chansung’s laughing despite obviously trying not to, but he also comes to remove Taecyeon’s hands from the back of his head to examine it.
“Aigooo Taecyeon ah,” he chuckles, massaging his scalp. “Give me the keys, I’ll drive.”
“Ha, as if I’d let you do that so easily.” He winces when Chansung pokes hard at his chest while still working to soothe his pain. “Okay, okay, you can drive. But you’ll have to follow my directions, we’re not going home after lunch.”
“We’re not?” Chansung stops for a moment, his curiosity keeping his lips parted and making him look younger than usual. “Where are we going?”
+
Chansung’s shaking with laughter, leaning on Taecyeon, and holding on to his arm so he won’t fall. The slightly taller one has to hold onto his arm in turn and pull him back up; otherwise they’ll both end up on the ground. “Come on, hyung, let’s go again!”
Taecyeon shakes his head once, resolutely. “I’m not going anywhere near that thing again.”
“But I screamed first! I had to drink a bottle of soju in one go, not you!”
“Yeah, but do we really want you to drink two in a row? I guess not.”
Chansung huffs at him. Taecyeon answers to that with a frown that only makes the other laugh instead of straightening up or anything else that might show some respect. “Okay, no Gyro Drop, then. But how about the Gyro Swing?”
“That’s even worse!” His voice sounds a little squeaky, so Taecyeon coughs, straightening himself up and nudging at Chansung’s back for him to do the same. The maknae still clings to his arm, though. Maybe he’s a little dizzy from the ride and the alcohol. They’ve been drinking since early in the afternoon: first beer at lunch, then soju even before they started betting on each other’s reactions as they made their way through several rides in the amusement park.
“We could try the Drunken Basket?”
Taecyeon’s eyebrows rise slightly. “Can you even handle that now?”
Chansung stops to look at him. He puts his hands on his waist and everything. The stance evidences his hips and Taecyeon is suddenly reminded of things he really wish he hadn’t paid attention to. Chansung is talking, though, so his eyes remain on the maknae’s face. “Whoever screams first will drink two bottles of soju.”
“Now you’re just-”
“You can slap me awake if I pass out.”
+
Maybe Chansung needed this, Taecyeon tells himself, a sense of guilt settling in his gut nonetheless. The maknae had been really excited about going to the amusement park and betting against his hyung, who then thought this was still a good idea as long as they had fun. He trusted Chansung to hold his liquor well because that’s how they’ve both been most of the time, they know how to drink, but-- Taecyeon should have foreseen that too much eagerness with lack of sleep and the rush of the rides might eventually take their toll.
He had to drag Chansung to the car, fix his seatbelt and somehow lean the seat back so Chansung’s head wouldn’t keep rolling to the side in a way that might hurt once he regained full consciousness. He was not completely out by the time they arrived at the dorm, but even if he were Taecyeon wouldn’t take his words to heart and hit his face. He did feel like closing Chansung’s mouth and pull his hair away from his face, but that was out of the question, too.
“What did you do?” Junho asks, after taking a long look at Chansung, his grimace almost cute if it weren’t just as offensive as the accusation in his voice.
“Poisoned him, obviously.” Taecyeon tries to joke, but the tension makes his words come out flat instead of teasing. That works into making Junho shut up for a while, though, so it’s probably for the best.
They both bring Chansung to the living room, dropping him on the couch. He rolls to the side and almost falls on the floor, but Junho pushes at his chest and face to get him back in place. Junho’s hands are not careless, but they’re not exactly gentle, either.
“I’m sorry he’s like this,” Taecyeon says, more for himself than for Junho’s sake. “He got a little carried away, I guess.”
Junho nods absently. When he finally looks up from Chansung to fix his stare on Taecyeon, the latter is only a little surprised at the emotion that seems to waver in Junho’s eyes. “Did you guys have a good time?”
“Yeah.” He nods. It feels necessary to reassure Junho of that.
Junho crosses his arms, but for a second it seems like he’s hugging himself. He looks to the side, then down at Chansung again. “That’s great.”
Taecyeon almost tells him that Chansung let some things out when they were camping, but he holds it back. He wants Junho to know their friend might be ok, on the way to being ok, but maybe Junho’s not. Junho might even get all that by himself, and he doesn’t need Taecyeon to boast about it, even if that’s not his intention.
“Do you want help getting him to his room?” he asks instead, knowing just how heavy the youngest one is in spite of his current extra slenderness.
Junho shakes his head. “He won’t be asleep for long.”
Taecyeon almost says he doubts that, but something in Junho’s tone tells him Chansung might be in for some nasty outburst once the two maknaes are alone. He takes a deep breath, checks a sigh. Junho might be difficult to handle, but he and Chansung have always gotten along perfectly well, pettiness and disagreements included. Taecyeon refuses to worry about that as well.
“Tell me if you guys need anything,” Taecyeon says as he walks to the door, Junho’s silence an answer in itself.
+
He’s falling asleep, phone in hand feeling like one in his lethargy. It’s a nice sensation, one he clings to in his will to rest, but somebody flops down next to him and he jerks up, disoriented by the loud music and jumbled conversations all around him. Flashing lights, moving bodies, the beat that’s not of his own heart.
“You should go home now, Taecyeonnie,” comes Wooyoung’s voice, loud but raspy from all the shouting but still cheerful. He’s wearing sunglasses but his smile and the way he moves to stand up and then sit down again are enough to show how much energy he still has. “Hey,” his tone changes, and Taecyeon strains to catch his next words. “Thank you, hyung.”
Wooyoung’s looking straight at him when he says that, sunglasses temporarily down to the tip of his nose, and then he’s standing up once more and searching through the crowd until he finds Minjun, who’s dancing with Chansung and Nichkhun.
Taecyeon blinks, the words and the place and Chansung’s being there with them finally registering, all at once, so he has to keep sitting down for a while. How long did he doze off? When did Chansung arrive? What time is it?
“Boring party, right?” Junho sits down on the couch, light as a feather. Taecyeon squints at him, not sure if Junho had also been there before.
“I need to go home,” he mumbles, but Junho seems to understand him, for he also gets up and then puts a hand on the back of Taecyeon’s neck, much like he would often do to Chansung as well. His fingers are warm. It lingers.
Junho looks at their group of friends and smiles at a grinning Chansung, who waves at them. “I’ll take you home, hyung,” Junho says, already leading him out. His amused smile at Taecyeon’s confused face is not forced, nor does it fade any time soon. His fingers are warm. It lingers.
Taecyeon is not the most observant of creatures, especially when he’s sleepy.
+