Day Three
Well, today has been a lot better. Still having problems sleeping, and again I didn't get to sleep until about 10 this morning. Slept until 12, then slept for another couple of hours between 1 and 3, but even though that could hardly be described as a good nights sleep I do feel more alive today. More alert.
Also feeling a lot better mentally. Mi's sister has finally left us, which is a real relief. I can't believe how much her being here affected me. I think it just boils down to what she represents. She was so healthy, and so full of life that it was an unpleasant comparison with how I have been recently. I resented her lack of vices and youthful exuberance. Doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, doesn't do drugs, all of which I've done in abundance convinced that life would eventually just fall into place. And I think that is the very root of all of the problems that have manifested themselves. I just expected life to take care of itself, and now that it hasn't I haven't dealt with it particularly well. It's a learning curve I guess. I know it was unfair of me to be so resentful of her, but to err is only human!
Haven't actually left the flat today though, although I have tidied the old place up and it looks a lot better. Tomorrow I am actually going to venture out again. See the three dimensional people once more instead of the ones that are made from pixels. Running is a must as the Wolverhampton marathon is now only about 6 weeks away. Haven't done any serious running in about 4 weeks, but up until then I was doing ok. Got it up to 1 hour 20 every other day and did just the one 1 hour 40 run, which is the longest I have ever run in my life. Was bloody tired after though! So tomorrow I'm aiming to just do 1 hour and start to gradually build it back up. See how flabby I really am. It's the best measure. Like a swing-o-meter, you can actually feel the movement of the belly if you've put on weight :-)
Anyway, things are looking a little better.
Life goes on!
Also feeling a lot better mentally. Mi's sister has finally left us, which is a real relief. I can't believe how much her being here affected me. I think it just boils down to what she represents. She was so healthy, and so full of life that it was an unpleasant comparison with how I have been recently. I resented her lack of vices and youthful exuberance. Doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, doesn't do drugs, all of which I've done in abundance convinced that life would eventually just fall into place. And I think that is the very root of all of the problems that have manifested themselves. I just expected life to take care of itself, and now that it hasn't I haven't dealt with it particularly well. It's a learning curve I guess. I know it was unfair of me to be so resentful of her, but to err is only human!
Haven't actually left the flat today though, although I have tidied the old place up and it looks a lot better. Tomorrow I am actually going to venture out again. See the three dimensional people once more instead of the ones that are made from pixels. Running is a must as the Wolverhampton marathon is now only about 6 weeks away. Haven't done any serious running in about 4 weeks, but up until then I was doing ok. Got it up to 1 hour 20 every other day and did just the one 1 hour 40 run, which is the longest I have ever run in my life. Was bloody tired after though! So tomorrow I'm aiming to just do 1 hour and start to gradually build it back up. See how flabby I really am. It's the best measure. Like a swing-o-meter, you can actually feel the movement of the belly if you've put on weight :-)
Anyway, things are looking a little better.
Life goes on!