(no subject)
is it strange that I rode a fucking bus to downtown mt clemens to hang out with the newly-single girl that i've felt the rawest attraction ever to, drunk off my ass, and didn't make a single move towards her?
i don't understand it.
what the fuck happened to my drive when it comes to perfect opportunities such as this?
the whole time. there was this feeling in the back of my head telling me to "just be cool. don't be on the offense this time. play it off. you'll find somebody eventually. this can't be real. it won't work. wait until you work out all of your options."
i'm starting to get sick of my interpersonal thoughts. it's really held me back from doing a lot of things i would have loved to and can no longer do due to ..whatever reason.
sometimes i wish i could just shut my thoughts up. run solely on instincts and needs.
but other times i want to let it take over. if i did that, i'd practically be a buddhist monk living in a monistery called "metro detroit".
this isn't how i work though. the two are constantly mangling each other in a brutal fight to the death, winner deciding how i act at that exact moment in time, any given time. it's a real pain in the ass.
meh.
i hate wanting to talk to some body.
and no one is there.
it's worse than being lonely because "oh i dont have a girlfriend and nobody fuckin starts up conversations with me and i fucking suck" is NOTHING compared to the feeling i get when i actually want to vent.
it's a rare occasion. and nobody ever seems to be around when it comes.
in other news:
you're gonna love my nuts.
i don't understand it.
what the fuck happened to my drive when it comes to perfect opportunities such as this?
the whole time. there was this feeling in the back of my head telling me to "just be cool. don't be on the offense this time. play it off. you'll find somebody eventually. this can't be real. it won't work. wait until you work out all of your options."
i'm starting to get sick of my interpersonal thoughts. it's really held me back from doing a lot of things i would have loved to and can no longer do due to ..whatever reason.
sometimes i wish i could just shut my thoughts up. run solely on instincts and needs.
but other times i want to let it take over. if i did that, i'd practically be a buddhist monk living in a monistery called "metro detroit".
this isn't how i work though. the two are constantly mangling each other in a brutal fight to the death, winner deciding how i act at that exact moment in time, any given time. it's a real pain in the ass.
meh.
i hate wanting to talk to some body.
and no one is there.
it's worse than being lonely because "oh i dont have a girlfriend and nobody fuckin starts up conversations with me and i fucking suck" is NOTHING compared to the feeling i get when i actually want to vent.
it's a rare occasion. and nobody ever seems to be around when it comes.
in other news:
you're gonna love my nuts.