Snippet Sunday
I'm posting with a "request" this time, rather than just showing a snippet. If you read, I'd like to know: Does this make sense? I've fiddled and fiddled with this paragraph, trying not to be too descriptive while still drawing a clear picture for the reader. It is the "clear" I'm worried about.
In the distance, two earthstars lit the massive, freestanding gate that separated the jungles of Paoqei from the capital. The gate stood upon a sheer cliff which ringed Open City and its harbor, making a wall unnecessary. Wider by several lengths than the paved, rammed-earth road leading up to it, the gate sufficed for keeping offislanders in the caldera where they belonged. The capital might be open to traders and seafarers from afar but the island was not.
In the distance, two earthstars lit the massive, freestanding gate that separated the jungles of Paoqei from the capital. The gate stood upon a sheer cliff which ringed Open City and its harbor, making a wall unnecessary. Wider by several lengths than the paved, rammed-earth road leading up to it, the gate sufficed for keeping offislanders in the caldera where they belonged. The capital might be open to traders and seafarers from afar but the island was not.