(no subject)
Good gods my brother and his girlfriend are actually going out shopping this early on Black Friday. I feel like I should be hitting him over the head. Or handing him my crossbow. Either way.
Also, been thinking a bit about self-consciousness, lately. I'm perhaps a bit too self-conscious, as I'm starting to feel unable to make myself talk about certain things here. And considering this is supposed to be a journal... I suppose I could always make a private post, but that seems to defeat the point of posting it here in the first place. If it was something I felt the need to be that secretive about, I would use a physical journal instead of an online one.
Still, even though it's a journal, the fact of the matter is that other people do occasionally read it. People I see face-to-face on a semi-regular basis. It's easier to talk about private things if the only people reading it are those I'll never actually meet, so I don't have to deal with them knowing something potentially embarrassing. It's not like I'm talking about criminal acts, here, but things that are just...
I don't know. Tied heavily into my identity, I suppose. How I see myself, and how I try to present myself to others. Deep psychological stuff, and my own analysis thereof. Except I'm keenly aware of how my self-analysis can be wrong (I think I'm generally right, but I have made serious errors before), so I'm rather reluctant to admit to anything serious in a forum like this. I don't want to be (seen as) a person who claims a different psychological disorder every month, just because I'd read about it recently or it crossed my mind.
I'm fighting the urge to delete everything after that first paragraph, actually. Even dancing around the admission that I have something personally embarrassing going on in my head feels too embarrassing to post. I think there's maybe only one person that I actually know with whom I feel I could talk about this thing directly... And that's still just a "maybe." There used to be another person, but that hasn't been so for a couple years. There's another person I wouldn't mind being able to talk so frankly with, but that would also require her to think the same of me, which I doubt will happen any time soon.
And that's part of another thing that's bugging me lately about myself, but it's also something I don't feel confident talking about on here. Bah!
Also, been thinking a bit about self-consciousness, lately. I'm perhaps a bit too self-conscious, as I'm starting to feel unable to make myself talk about certain things here. And considering this is supposed to be a journal... I suppose I could always make a private post, but that seems to defeat the point of posting it here in the first place. If it was something I felt the need to be that secretive about, I would use a physical journal instead of an online one.
Still, even though it's a journal, the fact of the matter is that other people do occasionally read it. People I see face-to-face on a semi-regular basis. It's easier to talk about private things if the only people reading it are those I'll never actually meet, so I don't have to deal with them knowing something potentially embarrassing. It's not like I'm talking about criminal acts, here, but things that are just...
I don't know. Tied heavily into my identity, I suppose. How I see myself, and how I try to present myself to others. Deep psychological stuff, and my own analysis thereof. Except I'm keenly aware of how my self-analysis can be wrong (I think I'm generally right, but I have made serious errors before), so I'm rather reluctant to admit to anything serious in a forum like this. I don't want to be (seen as) a person who claims a different psychological disorder every month, just because I'd read about it recently or it crossed my mind.
I'm fighting the urge to delete everything after that first paragraph, actually. Even dancing around the admission that I have something personally embarrassing going on in my head feels too embarrassing to post. I think there's maybe only one person that I actually know with whom I feel I could talk about this thing directly... And that's still just a "maybe." There used to be another person, but that hasn't been so for a couple years. There's another person I wouldn't mind being able to talk so frankly with, but that would also require her to think the same of me, which I doubt will happen any time soon.
And that's part of another thing that's bugging me lately about myself, but it's also something I don't feel confident talking about on here. Bah!