(no subject)
I drove around tonight after seeing a familiar face from my past. i aimlessly wondered up and down the lakefront thats been left in ruins. nothing looked the same as i remembered it, except that face. i can remember so many nights by the water's edge, just wondering where the future might take me, never dreaming that it'd bring me back to this very spot with the same familiar friend still lingering in my head. i sat and listened to static coming from the radio but i never thought to change it because it reminded me of my new home that i missed so much. this retrograde of my new life and the old one i left so far behind brought forth a plethora of emotions. none that i chose to express, of course. my stubborness will catch up with me one day and i'll break down into tears for no apparent reason other than the simple fact that life has finally caught up with me and i can no longer hold things inside. tears in my eyes seem like such an impossible thing now. i feel like robots will cry before i do again. anyways, back to the original subject of the forgotten friend. his face brought back so many memories and thoughts of this place. it seemed like highschool was so surreal again. we were sophmores all over again and i was a little girl who'd been hurt by a boy. three years have passed since i cared for the familiar face and when i saw him we spoke about old times. he said "i was always a dissappointment to you, wasn't i?" our words were short but they made me feel so guilty. he truly was a dissappointment to me. theres nothing i can do about that. can't change a lush, now can you? i always thought if i cared enough for him or if i did enough for him that he'd actually stop smoking/drinking like he told me he did. i knew he never gave up a damn thing for me but i chose to believe the lies rather then to open my eyes to the fact that i would possibly have to terminate the only relationship that ever meant a thing to me. wow, three years have passed and with just one short conversation, all of these memories and thoughts, regrets and guilts, everything just comes rushing back like it never left. will things always be this way? will i ever forget that face? that name? for memory's sake, i sure hope not...