(no subject)
my grandpa is dieing.
i have to go see himin about 30 mintues in ocala.
they are telling me that he doesn't know anyone and that he has just a blank stare at the ceiling.
why is this happening?
why all of a sudden is this shit happening?
i might go blind.
my cousin is barely hanging on.
and now my grandpa won't even know who i am when i go to see him.
life is so sad and pointless.
and i dont care if it sounds like im whining or complaining,
i have a fucking right to.
everything is going downhill.
i want my mema back.
things would be so much different with her here.
i wouldn't be feeling like i do now that's for sure.
now im crying.
i just started thinking about how much i miss my mema.
everytime i went to go see her she would always have something special for me.
just for me... b/c i was special to her.
ive had so many bad reoccuring dreams about her.
and i feel like if i type it down... maybe it will stop happening.
it starts out with me in her house, and my mom picks up the phone and hands it to me.
she tells me that it's my mema.
and i start talking to her about everything.
about how i wish she was still here b/c everything is horrible without her.
and i started crying b/c i missed her so much.. and i asked her...
"Mema, do you see me when I cry for you?"
and she doesn't answer.
And I ask her again...
"Mema, do you see me when I cry for you?"
and then she says with a low voice...
"quit the bullshit Shannon... and just kill yourself!"
and i've had it 5 or 6 times.
i love her so much... so why would i have dreams like that?
im under a lot of stress rught now.
i just want everything to resolve.
i want my nickle pickle back<3
i want my mema back<3
and i dont want to go blind
i have to go see himin about 30 mintues in ocala.
they are telling me that he doesn't know anyone and that he has just a blank stare at the ceiling.
why is this happening?
why all of a sudden is this shit happening?
i might go blind.
my cousin is barely hanging on.
and now my grandpa won't even know who i am when i go to see him.
life is so sad and pointless.
and i dont care if it sounds like im whining or complaining,
i have a fucking right to.
everything is going downhill.
i want my mema back.
things would be so much different with her here.
i wouldn't be feeling like i do now that's for sure.
now im crying.
i just started thinking about how much i miss my mema.
everytime i went to go see her she would always have something special for me.
just for me... b/c i was special to her.
ive had so many bad reoccuring dreams about her.
and i feel like if i type it down... maybe it will stop happening.
it starts out with me in her house, and my mom picks up the phone and hands it to me.
she tells me that it's my mema.
and i start talking to her about everything.
about how i wish she was still here b/c everything is horrible without her.
and i started crying b/c i missed her so much.. and i asked her...
"Mema, do you see me when I cry for you?"
and she doesn't answer.
And I ask her again...
"Mema, do you see me when I cry for you?"
and then she says with a low voice...
"quit the bullshit Shannon... and just kill yourself!"
and i've had it 5 or 6 times.
i love her so much... so why would i have dreams like that?
im under a lot of stress rught now.
i just want everything to resolve.
i want my nickle pickle back<3
i want my mema back<3
and i dont want to go blind