Half Life: Well, now we're even.
Title: Now we’re even
Fandom: Half-Life/HDM (His Dark Materials Crossover)
Genre: Humorous One-Shot
Rating: G.
Summary: Gordon blew up a microwave; Barney blew up a Kitchen sink. Now they’re even.
Notes: Cam asked for daemon fiction, and since I’ve gone through most of my fandom and written this story this one kind of wrote itself. Given what she’s said Gordon’s daemon is I think it’d be pretty funny to see a tiny paramecium floating away in its sphere as the person helplessly swam after it.
For the record, Gordon's daemon is Shakti while Barney's is Rachel annnnd...They are different in this because I forgot.
Bwop.
Black Mesa General Repair usually fell to the security guards. It wasn’t a job that Barney minded doing, there was a time in his life he wasn’t particularly proud of where he’d done far worse things (cleaning grills and fryers came to mind) but it did make things rather difficult.
He sat in front of the kitchen sink and willed himself to find the hole-something that to her credit Lara was actually assisting with. The Retriever sat, nose on her paws scrutinizing every inch of the compartment before pointing with her nose, “…There.”
Ahah! Barney nodded once, pulling a clamp from his toolkit and moving slowly toward the sucker. He was sitting in less then an inch of water, one delicate move would close the pipe forever while another far harsher move, noise, anything would keep it open, perhaps worsen the problem.
He inched forward-
“Barn?”
Barney jumped. He half-heard Lara’s yelp as the tool twisted to the left in his hand opening the gash several more instances.
“Carl!”
Carl Vance ran a hand over his bat daemon, “…Barn-what-“
A jet of water hit him in the chest. Barney shot him a dirty look, “do you mind? DO I INTERRUPT YOU WHILE YOU ARE TRYING TO REARRANGE SPACE AND TIME?”
Carl blinked. A steady jet, almost like spit (or piss for that matter) was hitting Barney in the chest. Lara was the one who growled.
“…Sorry.” He added the Geez as he stroked Bruce’s wing. The bat shook his head, taking to flight beside the doctor, “…What the hell’s his problem?”
This is the problem with general repair of any sort. Barney shook his head, grabbing for his clamp again. At any moment someone was bound to interrupt you just as you were doing something incredibly crucial to the survival of whatever you were trying to repair.
Didn’t the scientists see that?
“My paws are getting wet.” Lara whined, “Can’t we stop?”
His hands were damp, sweaty. He attributed that to nervousness rather then the fact that his daemon’s feet were almost ankle deep by now, “…We’re almost done.”
“We were almost done ten minutes ago.”
“Look, just because you’re needing to leave supposedly reflects my needing to leave? Doesn’t mean that we can leave the job half done.” He grimaced, “One more clamp.”
“Better clamp it right.”
He inched closer. Metal touched metal and he prepared to squeeze-
“Ah! Officer Calhoun.”
The clamp squeezed tight, providing a hell of a lot more pressure then he’d intended. He shot up straight. Dr. Isaac Kleiner’s face glowed like the supposed moon outside. (It had been so long since he and Lara had seen the moon he considered it less then a rumor.)
The grilling was less painful then he’d imagined. Kleiner’s dour hawk continued to glare down at Lara who managed to stand-tail erect like the marine with the brownest nose in the goddamn unit.
“…In any case, keep up the good…what on earth is that?”
It was very possible that it couldn’t be anything from earth. Barney didn’t put it past this place. Bracing himself for an invasion, he put a hand on his hip as Lara raised her eyes to the sink.
“…That sounds like-“
Kleiner’s hawk spoke, rising off his master’s shoulder and staring wide-eyed and confused, “…Gurgling-“
“Barney.”
Lara’s voice was soft.
“How hard did you clamp that pipe shut?”
Chain reaction follows starting event. That is the first and foremost law of nature. Cut off the flow of something and pressure will eventually build until-
“Look out!” The hawk dove to the floor, dragging Dr. Kleiner down with him, “IT’S GOING TO BLOW!”
Barney didn’t have any time to ask “What?” as the Sink exploded spraying water in all directions.
-----------
“You’re suspended for how long?”
“A week. Possibly more.”
Gordon smiled, “…Well. It could have been worse. I would have fired your ass.”
“That’s a nice thing to say coming from a friend.” Lara shot Gordon a dirty look as Barney scratched her behind an ear, “…What-I ruin something crucial?”
“…Yeah. I love being on my lunch break and suddenly feeling that incredible pain that comes with having my daemon being dragged away on the afternoon tide.”
Barney’s mouth opened and closed as he studied the ball Gordon held securely in his hands, earth made miniature, “…Sorry…”
<< Did you fix the leak? >>
“…We’re uh…not going to be using that break room for awhile…”
Gordon rolled his eyes, “Barney-“
Barney had had it, “. But you know what’s working fine?” He smiled, standing up straight, “The microwave.”
<>
“Cause hey? At least the microwave’s fine. At least I didn’t blow up anything in the microwave.”
<> The daemon’s chastising voice in his head was silenced. Gordon could look pretty damn scary when he wanted to. `
“I suppose.” Gordon said, “We’re even now?”
“Like hell. That was my burrito.”
“…In one of the best break rooms in the building.” Gordon rose, gripping the ball under his arm, “…We’re even.”
“We’re totally not!”
<< I can only hope this trend of escalation won’t continue. >> Deep within her globe, Gordon’s daemon shook herself, << A sink, and a microwave what’s next? >>
“The building.”
Lara’s voice was so matter of fact, so correctly on the money that all present, humans and daemons alike burst out laughing.
Fandom: Half-Life/HDM (His Dark Materials Crossover)
Genre: Humorous One-Shot
Rating: G.
Summary: Gordon blew up a microwave; Barney blew up a Kitchen sink. Now they’re even.
Notes: Cam asked for daemon fiction, and since I’ve gone through most of my fandom and written this story this one kind of wrote itself. Given what she’s said Gordon’s daemon is I think it’d be pretty funny to see a tiny paramecium floating away in its sphere as the person helplessly swam after it.
For the record, Gordon's daemon is Shakti while Barney's is Rachel annnnd...They are different in this because I forgot.
Bwop.
Black Mesa General Repair usually fell to the security guards. It wasn’t a job that Barney minded doing, there was a time in his life he wasn’t particularly proud of where he’d done far worse things (cleaning grills and fryers came to mind) but it did make things rather difficult.
He sat in front of the kitchen sink and willed himself to find the hole-something that to her credit Lara was actually assisting with. The Retriever sat, nose on her paws scrutinizing every inch of the compartment before pointing with her nose, “…There.”
Ahah! Barney nodded once, pulling a clamp from his toolkit and moving slowly toward the sucker. He was sitting in less then an inch of water, one delicate move would close the pipe forever while another far harsher move, noise, anything would keep it open, perhaps worsen the problem.
He inched forward-
“Barn?”
Barney jumped. He half-heard Lara’s yelp as the tool twisted to the left in his hand opening the gash several more instances.
“Carl!”
Carl Vance ran a hand over his bat daemon, “…Barn-what-“
A jet of water hit him in the chest. Barney shot him a dirty look, “do you mind? DO I INTERRUPT YOU WHILE YOU ARE TRYING TO REARRANGE SPACE AND TIME?”
Carl blinked. A steady jet, almost like spit (or piss for that matter) was hitting Barney in the chest. Lara was the one who growled.
“…Sorry.” He added the Geez as he stroked Bruce’s wing. The bat shook his head, taking to flight beside the doctor, “…What the hell’s his problem?”
This is the problem with general repair of any sort. Barney shook his head, grabbing for his clamp again. At any moment someone was bound to interrupt you just as you were doing something incredibly crucial to the survival of whatever you were trying to repair.
Didn’t the scientists see that?
“My paws are getting wet.” Lara whined, “Can’t we stop?”
His hands were damp, sweaty. He attributed that to nervousness rather then the fact that his daemon’s feet were almost ankle deep by now, “…We’re almost done.”
“We were almost done ten minutes ago.”
“Look, just because you’re needing to leave supposedly reflects my needing to leave? Doesn’t mean that we can leave the job half done.” He grimaced, “One more clamp.”
“Better clamp it right.”
He inched closer. Metal touched metal and he prepared to squeeze-
“Ah! Officer Calhoun.”
The clamp squeezed tight, providing a hell of a lot more pressure then he’d intended. He shot up straight. Dr. Isaac Kleiner’s face glowed like the supposed moon outside. (It had been so long since he and Lara had seen the moon he considered it less then a rumor.)
The grilling was less painful then he’d imagined. Kleiner’s dour hawk continued to glare down at Lara who managed to stand-tail erect like the marine with the brownest nose in the goddamn unit.
“…In any case, keep up the good…what on earth is that?”
It was very possible that it couldn’t be anything from earth. Barney didn’t put it past this place. Bracing himself for an invasion, he put a hand on his hip as Lara raised her eyes to the sink.
“…That sounds like-“
Kleiner’s hawk spoke, rising off his master’s shoulder and staring wide-eyed and confused, “…Gurgling-“
“Barney.”
Lara’s voice was soft.
“How hard did you clamp that pipe shut?”
Chain reaction follows starting event. That is the first and foremost law of nature. Cut off the flow of something and pressure will eventually build until-
“Look out!” The hawk dove to the floor, dragging Dr. Kleiner down with him, “IT’S GOING TO BLOW!”
Barney didn’t have any time to ask “What?” as the Sink exploded spraying water in all directions.
-----------
“You’re suspended for how long?”
“A week. Possibly more.”
Gordon smiled, “…Well. It could have been worse. I would have fired your ass.”
“That’s a nice thing to say coming from a friend.” Lara shot Gordon a dirty look as Barney scratched her behind an ear, “…What-I ruin something crucial?”
“…Yeah. I love being on my lunch break and suddenly feeling that incredible pain that comes with having my daemon being dragged away on the afternoon tide.”
Barney’s mouth opened and closed as he studied the ball Gordon held securely in his hands, earth made miniature, “…Sorry…”
<< Did you fix the leak? >>
“…We’re uh…not going to be using that break room for awhile…”
Gordon rolled his eyes, “Barney-“
Barney had had it, “. But you know what’s working fine?” He smiled, standing up straight, “The microwave.”
<>
“Cause hey? At least the microwave’s fine. At least I didn’t blow up anything in the microwave.”
<> The daemon’s chastising voice in his head was silenced. Gordon could look pretty damn scary when he wanted to. `
“I suppose.” Gordon said, “We’re even now?”
“Like hell. That was my burrito.”
“…In one of the best break rooms in the building.” Gordon rose, gripping the ball under his arm, “…We’re even.”
“We’re totally not!”
<< I can only hope this trend of escalation won’t continue. >> Deep within her globe, Gordon’s daemon shook herself, << A sink, and a microwave what’s next? >>
“The building.”
Lara’s voice was so matter of fact, so correctly on the money that all present, humans and daemons alike burst out laughing.