PepperONY fic: "Kitchen Sinks"
Title: Iron Man vs. The Kitchen Sink
Fandom: Iron Man Movieverse
Characters/Pairings: Pepper Potts, Tony Stark, and Pepper/Tony
Genre: Amusing one-shot.
Rating: PG for a sexual innuendo.
Summary: Iron man versus his toughest challenge! The kitchen sink! With trusty pepper potts his sidekick to…help!
Notes: …We had a leak in our air conditioner and this one (on several different levels in several different fandom) kind of wrote itself
Pepper Potts had faced down rampaging giant robots. She had seen normal human men become gigantic monsters only to be shackled by the very government that created them. Hell, she’d seen a man try to take off a robotic suit with the help of a massive machine. She should (should, the key word here was should) have realized that there were still things that could surprise her.
“You know, instead of making snide remarks, you could help me.”
Tony Stark.
Tony Stark, Ironman, Tony stark, her erstwhile employer, Tony Stark the man who occasionally vied for her affections when the mood suited him was completely oblivious to anything like-Armani or Five hundred dollar suit, or You have two inches of water on your kitchen floor you should call a plumber.
“…Tony-where was Stark Industry Stock?”
“…Up three points today.” He grunted, “…Pepper-hand me the wrench-Pepper-PEPPER-“
She walked forward-delicately-picking up the wrench and nearly dropping it into his outstretched hand, “…I’m gonna ask you again-“
“I have a feeling I know what you’re about to ask.” He grunted, “…And yes, this haircut is new. I had it done all by myself, aren’t you proud?”
“Ecstatic.” She sort of was, but now wasn’t the time to call attention to that, “…Tony, up three points is a good sign. We’re doing great, your family fortunes are intact. Here in your castle-“ she spread her hands wide, “You are in fact secure.”
Another grunt, another twist, “…And?”
“…And…”
There was a gurgling noise from the kitchen, “…And why the HELL are you trying your own home repair?” She glared upward, “…Jarvis! -“
The AI’s voice was curt, “Ma’am.”
“…Didn’t you call a plumber?”
“Three ma’am. But…ah…”
“Those guys.” Tony pulled himself out from under the sink and shook his head-doglike. Water sprayed in all directions, “Are parasites. I have a degree in mechanical engineering.”
He picked a wonderful time for an act of snobbery, “…At any time Tony, did you stop and think of the workshop down below?”
“I have that covered ma’am.” Jarvis’s voice was crisp, “We’ve got everything under tarps but with my calculations-“
“Why the hell didn’t you actually call the plumber?”
For the first time in her career, Pepper Potts heard Jarvis sound apologetic, almost sad, “…There is an adage that the marines use. “Ours is not to Question why…”
“Ours is but to listen to your CREATOR-“ Tony waved a wrench around to make his point before sliding back under the sink, “And not call the plumber.”
He paused, “…Hell, my dad didn’t let anybody handle his home repair. Nope. He passed on his sacred knowledge to me-his living heir and I apply it and-“
There was a jet of something. Pepper gasped, hiding a smile as Tony coughed and sputtered. He came away quickly; the occasional drip now a fountain in the piping and advanced hardware.
“…So when was the last time that you applied said sacred knowledge?”
Tony shot her a dirty look, “…It’s just a kitchen sink. I can do this.” His face set into a determined look, the same gaze he wore when going out to battle insurgents. She shook her head, mentally comparing the five rings organization to a leaking kitchen sink put on earth to vex Tony Stark-
“JESUS-“
The earth opened and the fountain sprouted. There was a hiss as a jet of water hit the table, “DUCK! -“
Pepper did as she was required, “…PLUMBERS-“
“Hey, I WENT TO MIT OKAY?” The noise of the rushing water was muffling them both, “I think I can fix a goddamn sink! -“
“So what, that advanced plumbing was in between your course on robotics or computer programming?”
Tony stared at her, wiping liquid from his face, “…What?”
“I said, WHEN DID YOU TAKE THAT-“
“Sir, I must advice you that probability that the leak will spread to other areas of the building is building from the initially calculated-“
“JARVIS.”
Tony and Pepper’s voices joined as one, “SHUT. UP.”
Tony moved forward, leaping back, “…It’s no use. The pressure’s too high. I’ve got to go shut it off.” He rose before slipping back to fall on his rear end.
Pepper laughed. She couldn’t help it. She took a tentative step towards the exit of the kitchen and spilled flat, her skirt instantly drenched. Their gazes met as both burst out laughing.
Like a blessed event, the water lowered. The pressure dropped and the two-standing inches from each other sopping wet glanced upward.
Tony spoke first, “…Jarvis?”
“Sir.”
“…What happened?”
“I shut off the water power sir.”
“Why didn’t you tell us?” Pepper asked, “…You scared the hell out of us both.”
This time, she was almost certain there was a very real sarcastic undertone, “…I was under strict orders to be quiet. Mine is not to question why, mine is but to-“
“Thank you Jarvis.” Tony held up his hands, shaking water off them, “Why don’t you dial the plumber? And uh…Stanley Steamer. Tell um I’ll pay double to get um out here today.”
“Very good sir.”
There was a bleep and a bing as Pepper stared at him.
His gaze was solid, his voice firm, “…Thinking you might not have wanted to wear white today.”
Her mouth opened. She covered her chest, rising up from the floor, “ Instead of making snide remarks you could get me a shirt.”
“I’d offer you mine, but mine’s…kind of drenched.” Tony held up his hands, “…You know where I keep my clothes though.”
She wrapped her arms around her front stalking out of the kitchen. The carpet squished beneath her toes, sopping wet.
“Your dad really did all his own home repair?”
They sat on the couch as the carpet crews and the plumbers went to work, trading glances at the two of them as Tony laughed, “Pretty much.”
“How’d it turn out?”
“…He usually only got the kitchen wet. Clearly a better man then I.”
She laughed aloud before putting a hand over her mouth and staring at him nervously. He shook his head, grinning, “…Clearly there is a lesson here.”
“Just because you went to MIT doesn’t mean that you’re some kind of god of engineering?”
“…Nope.”
Tony nodded at her, a gleam in his eye, “Means I might have to take a class or something. Read a book on this.”
She sighed, rolling her eyes and looking away. The one thing that never stopped, never changed, never ceased to surprise her. Tony Stark-staying the same.
Fandom: Iron Man Movieverse
Characters/Pairings: Pepper Potts, Tony Stark, and Pepper/Tony
Genre: Amusing one-shot.
Rating: PG for a sexual innuendo.
Summary: Iron man versus his toughest challenge! The kitchen sink! With trusty pepper potts his sidekick to…help!
Notes: …We had a leak in our air conditioner and this one (on several different levels in several different fandom) kind of wrote itself
Pepper Potts had faced down rampaging giant robots. She had seen normal human men become gigantic monsters only to be shackled by the very government that created them. Hell, she’d seen a man try to take off a robotic suit with the help of a massive machine. She should (should, the key word here was should) have realized that there were still things that could surprise her.
“You know, instead of making snide remarks, you could help me.”
Tony Stark.
Tony Stark, Ironman, Tony stark, her erstwhile employer, Tony Stark the man who occasionally vied for her affections when the mood suited him was completely oblivious to anything like-Armani or Five hundred dollar suit, or You have two inches of water on your kitchen floor you should call a plumber.
“…Tony-where was Stark Industry Stock?”
“…Up three points today.” He grunted, “…Pepper-hand me the wrench-Pepper-PEPPER-“
She walked forward-delicately-picking up the wrench and nearly dropping it into his outstretched hand, “…I’m gonna ask you again-“
“I have a feeling I know what you’re about to ask.” He grunted, “…And yes, this haircut is new. I had it done all by myself, aren’t you proud?”
“Ecstatic.” She sort of was, but now wasn’t the time to call attention to that, “…Tony, up three points is a good sign. We’re doing great, your family fortunes are intact. Here in your castle-“ she spread her hands wide, “You are in fact secure.”
Another grunt, another twist, “…And?”
“…And…”
There was a gurgling noise from the kitchen, “…And why the HELL are you trying your own home repair?” She glared upward, “…Jarvis! -“
The AI’s voice was curt, “Ma’am.”
“…Didn’t you call a plumber?”
“Three ma’am. But…ah…”
“Those guys.” Tony pulled himself out from under the sink and shook his head-doglike. Water sprayed in all directions, “Are parasites. I have a degree in mechanical engineering.”
He picked a wonderful time for an act of snobbery, “…At any time Tony, did you stop and think of the workshop down below?”
“I have that covered ma’am.” Jarvis’s voice was crisp, “We’ve got everything under tarps but with my calculations-“
“Why the hell didn’t you actually call the plumber?”
For the first time in her career, Pepper Potts heard Jarvis sound apologetic, almost sad, “…There is an adage that the marines use. “Ours is not to Question why…”
“Ours is but to listen to your CREATOR-“ Tony waved a wrench around to make his point before sliding back under the sink, “And not call the plumber.”
He paused, “…Hell, my dad didn’t let anybody handle his home repair. Nope. He passed on his sacred knowledge to me-his living heir and I apply it and-“
There was a jet of something. Pepper gasped, hiding a smile as Tony coughed and sputtered. He came away quickly; the occasional drip now a fountain in the piping and advanced hardware.
“…So when was the last time that you applied said sacred knowledge?”
Tony shot her a dirty look, “…It’s just a kitchen sink. I can do this.” His face set into a determined look, the same gaze he wore when going out to battle insurgents. She shook her head, mentally comparing the five rings organization to a leaking kitchen sink put on earth to vex Tony Stark-
“JESUS-“
The earth opened and the fountain sprouted. There was a hiss as a jet of water hit the table, “DUCK! -“
Pepper did as she was required, “…PLUMBERS-“
“Hey, I WENT TO MIT OKAY?” The noise of the rushing water was muffling them both, “I think I can fix a goddamn sink! -“
“So what, that advanced plumbing was in between your course on robotics or computer programming?”
Tony stared at her, wiping liquid from his face, “…What?”
“I said, WHEN DID YOU TAKE THAT-“
“Sir, I must advice you that probability that the leak will spread to other areas of the building is building from the initially calculated-“
“JARVIS.”
Tony and Pepper’s voices joined as one, “SHUT. UP.”
Tony moved forward, leaping back, “…It’s no use. The pressure’s too high. I’ve got to go shut it off.” He rose before slipping back to fall on his rear end.
Pepper laughed. She couldn’t help it. She took a tentative step towards the exit of the kitchen and spilled flat, her skirt instantly drenched. Their gazes met as both burst out laughing.
Like a blessed event, the water lowered. The pressure dropped and the two-standing inches from each other sopping wet glanced upward.
Tony spoke first, “…Jarvis?”
“Sir.”
“…What happened?”
“I shut off the water power sir.”
“Why didn’t you tell us?” Pepper asked, “…You scared the hell out of us both.”
This time, she was almost certain there was a very real sarcastic undertone, “…I was under strict orders to be quiet. Mine is not to question why, mine is but to-“
“Thank you Jarvis.” Tony held up his hands, shaking water off them, “Why don’t you dial the plumber? And uh…Stanley Steamer. Tell um I’ll pay double to get um out here today.”
“Very good sir.”
There was a bleep and a bing as Pepper stared at him.
His gaze was solid, his voice firm, “…Thinking you might not have wanted to wear white today.”
Her mouth opened. She covered her chest, rising up from the floor, “ Instead of making snide remarks you could get me a shirt.”
“I’d offer you mine, but mine’s…kind of drenched.” Tony held up his hands, “…You know where I keep my clothes though.”
She wrapped her arms around her front stalking out of the kitchen. The carpet squished beneath her toes, sopping wet.
“Your dad really did all his own home repair?”
They sat on the couch as the carpet crews and the plumbers went to work, trading glances at the two of them as Tony laughed, “Pretty much.”
“How’d it turn out?”
“…He usually only got the kitchen wet. Clearly a better man then I.”
She laughed aloud before putting a hand over her mouth and staring at him nervously. He shook his head, grinning, “…Clearly there is a lesson here.”
“Just because you went to MIT doesn’t mean that you’re some kind of god of engineering?”
“…Nope.”
Tony nodded at her, a gleam in his eye, “Means I might have to take a class or something. Read a book on this.”
She sighed, rolling her eyes and looking away. The one thing that never stopped, never changed, never ceased to surprise her. Tony Stark-staying the same.