Enraged
My social circle has degenerated into a group of gossiping, viscous little high-schoolers. I have watched it happen and have tried to take the high road, but since a number of them have started spreading dangerous rumors that could hurt other people, I feel compelled to set the record straight
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I just want to point out that you are using real names which kinda weirds me out a bit on an unlocked post in this format.
I understand your feelings and your point of view. I am wondering if I am one of the people you are mad at. Being lifeofreilly's roommate obviously this subject has come up. I am pretty good about distinguishing rumor from fact and stating the difference in what comes out of my mouth so i am not sure if from your point of view I belong on your shit list or not.
I think that you do not think I do since I would expect you to feel free to express yourself to me in any way and at any time. I hope I have given you the impression you can do that. I think you might have talked to me about it if I have upset you.
I am actually writing this because of the way you reacted to me at your workplace this week. It seemed to me that you didn't want anything to do with me. I don't think that I am on a side but from where you sit I might be and I understand that. I also understand that I am probably way down on your priority list right now and that you are probably really busy at work and I was just misinterpreting how that meeting went.
Although I am privy to some of the conversation around this I don't feel like I am involved and at the same time I am hoping that it works out for the best for everyone including yourself.
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I don't think I have accused you of anything. I do think that some of your behaviors serve to compound the situation. I may be wrong about that, I don't really keep tabs on you like that. I think you might be well served not to run off without answering me when I say hi to you. That just smacks of guilt. I don't think that you are guilty. What I am saying is freaking out about things that you haven't verified is the same thing you are accusing others of. Assuming everyone is against you and is after you or something just adds to the confusion.
Perhaps following up on a case by case basis when you care what someone thinks of you and have reason to believe that their opinion may have taken a turn.
Sometimes giving other people a chance to tell you what they think is all they need, They don't even believe it half the time. Resisting an idea you have not verified just makes it seem like you have a position to defend.
As far as forming a negative opinion about another without asking their side of the story I think that you once claimed you would never forgive me for how I had treated a mutual freind/lover of ours and I don't remember having a talk with you about it. That just might have been a rumor though and you know what I did? I waited to see if it mattered to you enough to bring it up. That way I found out if it was true that you felt that way or if time passed and you would let it go or if it was of no consequense. I think that not making a big deal out of that was a good plan. I think ,correct me here if I am wrong, that you either never took that position or got over it on your own. That is how it works as far as I can see. People get all worked up all the time and it is often of no consequence. We give each other room to be human and it all settles down and we are fine. You seem human enough to me.
So I am going to operate on the assumption that you will talk directly to me about anything that matters to you and otherwise these posts are just an indication that you are concerned and upset. Everyone handles that differently. Hang in there.
Incidentally I know that you don't need a lecture from me right now, I am just trying to help. That's why I answered your post in the first place.
M
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Second, if I once treated you the way you are treating me I am truly sorry. Being on the other end of it now is teaching me a great deal about how I need to treat my friends, and I hope that I will never make anyone feel the way I feel now.
Third, I will never glibly accept that talking smack is just what people do, especially when that talk ends up hurting other people, and I am not the only one being hurt here. I know we all do it, I know I will fall into the trap myself some day, but I will not excuse myself by saying "hey, we all do it". It is unhealthy, and at times very hurtful, and I hope I will have the courage to stand up and say "ooops, my bad", not "get over it".
Fourth, what behaviors are you talking about? If you have not kept tabs on me, how do you know? Knowing the state of mind I am in, do you think that was a productive comment? For that matter, was the tone overall likely to be in any way productive?
Finally, you are right, freaking out about nothing serves no purpose. However now I have confirmation. A person who we are mutually acquainted with overheard a conversation last night regarding the drama and VOLUNTEERED that the reason Jonathan is mad at me is that I broke a promise and had sex with Ashley. When told that that was not true, she corrected them and argued it was. She claims she does not remember who told her this, but for some reason still felt it was worth repeating. Let me stress this again: I have not had sex with Ashley. If nobody in that room had any idea what the truth was, they would have believed it. This is not talking smack. This is spreading lies. And even if this turns out to be the only thing anyone really did that was hurtful, that is enough to wound me deeply.
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I should shut the fuck up.
If I have been a bad friend I apologize for that. It is not my intention to make your life difficult or to oppose you and your view.
For your information NO ONE in our mutual circle of friends is accusing you of anything. In fact I got a call from someone saying that if they had accused you it was not true. I had never heard them do so. If they did I don't remember them doing so. No one in the Monster House is accusing you of anything.
I see that my ability to let the opinions of other be just that, the opinions of others, is not for everyone. I understand that you are dealing with things that have been presented as facts that were not facts. I get your point that people need to get those facts straight before they discuss it and form opinions that effect others. I can understand what you are saying about it hurting other people and I see where you are coming from as you go about setting the record straight.
From here it looks like your community supports you.
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