Revelation
So my mom sent me a letter along with the package containing a letter explaining stuff and so now not only am i a dissapointment to my dad...
i get to live with the fact that the letter I sent my mother broke her heart and that she thinks she’s failed as a mother which of course I don’t think is true but I don’t know that there is anything I can do to change her mind either- I mean it sucked worse to me when she didn’t want to talk to me after she got it more than anything in the world and I still don’t know what she thinks I mean she wants me to be happy and make my own decisions but that still doesn’t say anything about what she thinks about me dating him- and she also thinks that she’s the reason me and lawrence broke up which is completely ridiculous and it wasn’t
And I want to believe what she says about it being my choice and not that they dont care but that they dont want to interfere but I don’t think thats really possible in that they are always going to have some sway and influence on me- i mean it can’t just always be about what makes me happy because at the moment what would make me happy is not having to do school anymore untill get this all sorted out and i don’t just mean the whole relationship thing- i mean all of it- what I want to do if I want to do grad school whether I want to even be in school and on and on and on it goes
Now I just feel worse about the whole thing- not that I didn’t feel bad the whole time I wasn’t telling them- and now I am not sure what my next move is about them coming to visit- do I try to down play it so that I dont make the situation worse-ugh I just don’t know what to think at this point, but I guess since i chose the situation its my own fault and i shouldn’t complain
i get to live with the fact that the letter I sent my mother broke her heart and that she thinks she’s failed as a mother which of course I don’t think is true but I don’t know that there is anything I can do to change her mind either- I mean it sucked worse to me when she didn’t want to talk to me after she got it more than anything in the world and I still don’t know what she thinks I mean she wants me to be happy and make my own decisions but that still doesn’t say anything about what she thinks about me dating him- and she also thinks that she’s the reason me and lawrence broke up which is completely ridiculous and it wasn’t
And I want to believe what she says about it being my choice and not that they dont care but that they dont want to interfere but I don’t think thats really possible in that they are always going to have some sway and influence on me- i mean it can’t just always be about what makes me happy because at the moment what would make me happy is not having to do school anymore untill get this all sorted out and i don’t just mean the whole relationship thing- i mean all of it- what I want to do if I want to do grad school whether I want to even be in school and on and on and on it goes
Now I just feel worse about the whole thing- not that I didn’t feel bad the whole time I wasn’t telling them- and now I am not sure what my next move is about them coming to visit- do I try to down play it so that I dont make the situation worse-ugh I just don’t know what to think at this point, but I guess since i chose the situation its my own fault and i shouldn’t complain