Day 24: The Advantages of Opposable Thumbs (DragaeraVerse, Vlad Taltos) R

[dustandroses]

Title: The Advantages of Opposable Thumbs
Author: dustandroses 
Beta: trillingstar, my other hero and shit
Fandom: DragaeraVerse (Novels by Steven Brust)
Characters: Vlad, Loiosh
Rating: R
Warnings: None
Spoilers: The first novel: Jhereg
Word Count: 584
Author's Notes: This story takes place early in Vlad's career as an assassin.

As in the books, all psionic conversation will be in italics. In this instance, that means when Loiosh speaks to Vlad, his half of the conversation (which takes place in Vlad's head) will be in italics.

The DragaeraVerse novels are a fantasy series by Steven Brust. I've included a short paragraph of intro to the two characters in this story, which is all you need to understand their relationship.

Intro to the characters:

Vlad Taltos is a witch as well as an assassin. He has a familiar called Loiosh. (That's pronounced 'Loy' as in boy, osh as in 'oh, shit' - without the 'it' on the end.) Loiosh is a jhereg, a creature much like a dragon in shape, but much, much smaller. His wingspan is no wider than the length of Vlad's arm. He sits perched on Vlad's shoulder a fair amount of the time, and he's picked up a couple of bad habits from Vlad. First off, he calls Vlad "Boss," which is what Vlad calls his employer. And second, they've both got a really nasty sense of humor.


The Advantages of Opposable Thumbs

Vlad collapsed on his couch, exhausted and dirty, and too tired to move. Usually he was much more animated after he’d ‘worked’, but this job had been a tough one and had left him too tired to do more than drag himself home to recuperate. He rubbed his cock through his breeches absent-mindedly, kneading his half-hearted erection; he wasn’t sure he could manage a full hard-on at this point.

“Boss, you aren’t seriously considering going back out, are you?”

He rolled his head along the cushions to look at Loiosh who was sitting on the back of the couch, looking much more refreshed than Vlad felt at the moment. He frowned. “You’ve got nerve. Maybe if I’d spent all my time sitting on someone else’s shoulder while he did all the hard work, I’d be a lot more awake, too.”

Loiosh managed to sound offended. “I worked just as hard as you did. I just didn’t have to slough through the mud to do it.”

Vlad sighed. “Yeah, it’d be much easier if I could fly like you. Think I could trade these arms in for wings?”

“You don’t want to do that, boss. I’d consider trading my wings in for arms if they had hands attached. I could really use a set of opposable thumbs.”

“Oh yeah?” Vlad raised an eyebrow, about all he could manage at the moment. “What do you need thumbs for?”

“I’m sure they’d come in handy from time to time.”

Loiosh did that mental smirk thing that always seemed to unnerve Vlad, and then he realized Loiosh was watching Vlad’s hand as it kneaded his growing hard-on.

“Yeah, okay. There are definitely some advantages to having opposable thumbs. What made you think I wanted to go out?”

Loiosh hopped down to the couch cushions, then climbed up onto Vlad’s knee, giving his busy hand a thorough examination. “You’re always horny after you kill someone. If you’re not hunting up some girl or other, you’re headed for the brothels in the Eastern Quarter.

“Well, yeah.” Vlad shrugged. “But not tonight. There’s no way I could manage to drag myself all the way to the Eastern Quarter after the day we’ve had.”

“I guess you’ll just have to take care of yourself. You and your opposable thumbs.”

Vlad laughed. “Okay, you’ve got me there. Opposable thumbs are definitely better than wings when you’re talking about self-pleasure.”

Loiosh preened a little, raising his head in appreciation of Vlad’s easy capitulation. “Of course I’m right. I’m always right.”

Vlad rolled his eyes. “Oh yes. Of course you are. Now, get the hell out of here and give me some privacy, would you?”

Loiosh took off, in the direction of the kitchen. “I could use a bite to eat. Did you leave some of that lyorn leg, or did you eat the whole thing?”

“Resorting to extortion now, are we?” Vlad struggled to get to his feet and headed wearily for the kitchen.

“Of course I am. I learned from the best, didn’t I?”

Well, he couldn’t argue with that, since Loiosh had learned everything he knew from Vlad. He pulled the lyorn out of the larder and set some on a plate for Loiosh. Then he headed for the chamber pot, and a chance to wash up before he fell into bed. “And no disturbing me, understood? I have a hot date with my opposable thumb.”

Loiosh snickered in his mind, and Vlad shuddered. Sometimes he wondered about Loiosh, he really did.

~