#272: Do you have any pets? Would you like some?
I think I get animals better than most people in many ways. Most animals rely on their senses of smell and hearing more than people while the latter are much more visual. So, I guess you could say I get a dog's view of the world a lot of the time. I will often know why animals are acting strangely, why dogs stop at a particular street corner or why they bark at something unseen. I get it. I hear what they hear, and smell what they smell. And I do like animals, I've just never had a pet and don't think I'm the right kind of person to take care of anything that's actually alive right now. I suppose a cat would be low-maintenance enough, but with my luck Bullseye would probably show up and kill it just for fun. Sorry if I'm being a little dramatic here, but my life hasn't been going well lately. So, no pets. At least not now.
Of course, the pet question comes up in conversation from time to time. Or, more specifically, the dog question. Ever since shortly after I was blinded, people I barely know have asked me why I don't have a guide dog, the (mistaken) assumption being that if you're totally blind, you need a dog. Naturally, I don't need a dog. I don't need a cane either, but the latter is at least somewhat useful. Dogs are friendly and love you without even knowing you, but there's not a single thing a dog can do that I can't. They don't hear any better, and I'm pretty sure they don't have a better sense of smell either. Okay, so maybe they see better than I do, but that's irrelevant since they can't actually tell me about it. In fact, the only way I'd get any kind of use out of a dog would be if it could:
1) Read street signs. There are parts of town where that would be useful.
2) Let me know if we're passing a sign announcing some kind of "get ten CDs for the price of one" deal. No, I don't buy a lot of CDs, but that might be because I'm missing a bunch of sweet deals I don't know about.
3) Read and remember license plate numbers. Although, I would have to take it out on patrol with me for that to really start paying off (which reminds me of that time Foggy tried to stick me with a canine partner...). It's kind of awkward trying to describe a suspect's getaway car to the cops when your only ways of doing so is to give its make, model (if you can identify it), point out that it had a broken muffler and smelled of pot and some kind of pine-shaped air freshener. But I suppose a talking dog would be even stranger. Also, I'm not exactly on good terms with the cops anymore.
4) Handle touch screens. In fact, this goes for most things in the screen category. Ninjas are easier to deal with (though doing so is usually more painful than the bruised ego of having to ask an innocent bystander for a favor).
5) Lick the scraps from Foggy's supposedly empty containers of Chinese food from the place around the corner. They stink up the office. Foggy should get better Chinese food, though I'm not sure he'd be able to tell the difference.
6) Keep Foggy entertained while I'm out. The guy is really social and I'm not much to talk to these days. If the dog could actually talk that would work out really well.
There are probably a few other things a reasonably intelligent talking dog with some degree of literacy could be used for but since that kind isn't readily available, I think I'll pass. I guess it would be nice to have someone waiting for you when you get home now that the house is empty all the time, but taking care of an animal takes time I just don't have. Maybe some day in another life or fifteen years from now. Until then, at least I've got Foggy. I don't even need those CD deals as long as he decides to put up with me, he gets me a couple every year for my birthday anyway. Puts a whole new spin on "man's best friend."
Of course, the pet question comes up in conversation from time to time. Or, more specifically, the dog question. Ever since shortly after I was blinded, people I barely know have asked me why I don't have a guide dog, the (mistaken) assumption being that if you're totally blind, you need a dog. Naturally, I don't need a dog. I don't need a cane either, but the latter is at least somewhat useful. Dogs are friendly and love you without even knowing you, but there's not a single thing a dog can do that I can't. They don't hear any better, and I'm pretty sure they don't have a better sense of smell either. Okay, so maybe they see better than I do, but that's irrelevant since they can't actually tell me about it. In fact, the only way I'd get any kind of use out of a dog would be if it could:
1) Read street signs. There are parts of town where that would be useful.
2) Let me know if we're passing a sign announcing some kind of "get ten CDs for the price of one" deal. No, I don't buy a lot of CDs, but that might be because I'm missing a bunch of sweet deals I don't know about.
3) Read and remember license plate numbers. Although, I would have to take it out on patrol with me for that to really start paying off (which reminds me of that time Foggy tried to stick me with a canine partner...). It's kind of awkward trying to describe a suspect's getaway car to the cops when your only ways of doing so is to give its make, model (if you can identify it), point out that it had a broken muffler and smelled of pot and some kind of pine-shaped air freshener. But I suppose a talking dog would be even stranger. Also, I'm not exactly on good terms with the cops anymore.
4) Handle touch screens. In fact, this goes for most things in the screen category. Ninjas are easier to deal with (though doing so is usually more painful than the bruised ego of having to ask an innocent bystander for a favor).
5) Lick the scraps from Foggy's supposedly empty containers of Chinese food from the place around the corner. They stink up the office. Foggy should get better Chinese food, though I'm not sure he'd be able to tell the difference.
6) Keep Foggy entertained while I'm out. The guy is really social and I'm not much to talk to these days. If the dog could actually talk that would work out really well.
There are probably a few other things a reasonably intelligent talking dog with some degree of literacy could be used for but since that kind isn't readily available, I think I'll pass. I guess it would be nice to have someone waiting for you when you get home now that the house is empty all the time, but taking care of an animal takes time I just don't have. Maybe some day in another life or fifteen years from now. Until then, at least I've got Foggy. I don't even need those CD deals as long as he decides to put up with me, he gets me a couple every year for my birthday anyway. Puts a whole new spin on "man's best friend."