dno why im posting this, i usually keep this stuff private.
but i just dont give a fuck lately. so i dont care who reads this, and who doesnt.
after taking psychology im like 90% sure im bi-polar... the teach said to not diagnose ourselves but i just dont see how i wouldnt be. it described me perfectly. and then if i did have it, it would explain a lot. most people dont know the depressed side of me too well, but i have a really intense sad side. i'll either be very up or very down. very extreme. im impulsive and easily excited and down for anything, and then im so sad i cant leave my bed and i just sulk for hours...even days. and i never knew that there was such a thing as passive suicidal... but that's me. to the tee. i always just thought i was okay with dying and didnt fear death, and that that was okay. but when i get in car accidents and think that i wouldnt have mind dying or when im in a dangerous situation and say id ont care if i died... that's being passive suicidal and it's not good to have those thoughts a lot, my teacher said if you think things like that you should see a psychiatrist for anti depressants and seek therapy.
i never knew.
and really though... im so sick of being so god damn sad over things i cant even control...and the things i can control im doing wrong and still sad.
im just a sad sad soul lately.
my depressions usually dont last this long but things are the worst they have ever been. and i have no one. except my mother....
i just want a friend.
i cant fucking even chill for a second. i just want to die.
honestly, i think i would kill myself if i didnt want to have kids so badly. that's the only thing im living for right now. my children that i dont even have. if i ever find out i have bad ovaries or something, i'll probably become extremely suicidal. but, i dont have to worry about that for awhile. so for now im going to live.
i ahte my life.
after taking psychology im like 90% sure im bi-polar... the teach said to not diagnose ourselves but i just dont see how i wouldnt be. it described me perfectly. and then if i did have it, it would explain a lot. most people dont know the depressed side of me too well, but i have a really intense sad side. i'll either be very up or very down. very extreme. im impulsive and easily excited and down for anything, and then im so sad i cant leave my bed and i just sulk for hours...even days. and i never knew that there was such a thing as passive suicidal... but that's me. to the tee. i always just thought i was okay with dying and didnt fear death, and that that was okay. but when i get in car accidents and think that i wouldnt have mind dying or when im in a dangerous situation and say id ont care if i died... that's being passive suicidal and it's not good to have those thoughts a lot, my teacher said if you think things like that you should see a psychiatrist for anti depressants and seek therapy.
i never knew.
and really though... im so sick of being so god damn sad over things i cant even control...and the things i can control im doing wrong and still sad.
im just a sad sad soul lately.
my depressions usually dont last this long but things are the worst they have ever been. and i have no one. except my mother....
i just want a friend.
i cant fucking even chill for a second. i just want to die.
honestly, i think i would kill myself if i didnt want to have kids so badly. that's the only thing im living for right now. my children that i dont even have. if i ever find out i have bad ovaries or something, i'll probably become extremely suicidal. but, i dont have to worry about that for awhile. so for now im going to live.
i ahte my life.