"...and that's what it's all about."
One of life's small pleasures is explaining to someone who has never heard of it before how to dance the Hokey Pokey. "Well, you see, it's pretty simple. First you put your right foot in..."
I knew I was a cool person when someone spilled a can of soda onto the board game and, with the snap judgment of an electric Solomon, I untucked my shirt and started mopping up the spill with it. I only felt a little embarrassed when I noticed that no one else was moving. Ugh, it wasn't even my game. But when the can was balanced on its edge and you could see the skin sagging off of people's skulls and the screams pre-load into their throats, it felt like the right thing to do.
My sisters (YOLY, YAZMIN) were whispering into each other's ears.
ME: What are you guys talking about?
YOLY: Nothing.
ME: Doesn't sound like nothin'. Sounds like somethin'.
YOLY: It's a secret.
ME: I'm good at keeping secrets.
YOLY: So am I.
ME: C'mon, tell me. (I would be a brilliant police interrogator.)
YOLY: Fine, but I can't tell you here. *nods towards parents in other room* You'll have to go upstairs. I'll let Oliver tell you. Oliver, tell your uncles the secret.
I pick Oliver up under one arm and carry him upstairs. My brother (ALONSO) follows.
ME: Okay, Oliver. What's the secret?
OLIVER: (Quietly, conspiratorially.) I think my mommy is going to buy me a Pokemon game.
Back downstairs.
ME: Your secrets are garbage.
YOLY: Nuh-uh, I have good secrets.
ME: Secrets only count if they're things people want to know. (For example, I now know that a sandwich made of peanut butter and wasabi paste is a terrible mistake, but that's not a secret because nobody cares that I know that.) Oliver getting a Pokemon game isn't a secret.
YOLY: Oliver, not THAT secret. The OTHER secret. *whispers into his ear*
OLIVER: Oh! Follow me!
Oliver runs upstairs. My brother and I run after him. My older sister follows us to see our reaction. Upstairs, Oliver whispers into my ear.
ME: What?! Yazmin, you?!
YAZMIN: Nooo!
Oliver whispers into my brother's ear.
ALONSO: What?! Yazmin, you?!
YAZMIN: Nooo! Stop saying that!
ALONSO: Wait a minute, so it's--
ME: (In my best Homer voice) Yoly's pregnant?!...Again.
Back downstairs
ME: Okay, that was a pretty good secret.
YOLY: Told you.
ME: And Oliver, can I borrow the Pokemon game when you're done?
OLIVER: Yes.
I knew I was a cool person when someone spilled a can of soda onto the board game and, with the snap judgment of an electric Solomon, I untucked my shirt and started mopping up the spill with it. I only felt a little embarrassed when I noticed that no one else was moving. Ugh, it wasn't even my game. But when the can was balanced on its edge and you could see the skin sagging off of people's skulls and the screams pre-load into their throats, it felt like the right thing to do.
My sisters (YOLY, YAZMIN) were whispering into each other's ears.
ME: What are you guys talking about?
YOLY: Nothing.
ME: Doesn't sound like nothin'. Sounds like somethin'.
YOLY: It's a secret.
ME: I'm good at keeping secrets.
YOLY: So am I.
ME: C'mon, tell me. (I would be a brilliant police interrogator.)
YOLY: Fine, but I can't tell you here. *nods towards parents in other room* You'll have to go upstairs. I'll let Oliver tell you. Oliver, tell your uncles the secret.
I pick Oliver up under one arm and carry him upstairs. My brother (ALONSO) follows.
ME: Okay, Oliver. What's the secret?
OLIVER: (Quietly, conspiratorially.) I think my mommy is going to buy me a Pokemon game.
Back downstairs.
ME: Your secrets are garbage.
YOLY: Nuh-uh, I have good secrets.
ME: Secrets only count if they're things people want to know. (For example, I now know that a sandwich made of peanut butter and wasabi paste is a terrible mistake, but that's not a secret because nobody cares that I know that.) Oliver getting a Pokemon game isn't a secret.
YOLY: Oliver, not THAT secret. The OTHER secret. *whispers into his ear*
OLIVER: Oh! Follow me!
Oliver runs upstairs. My brother and I run after him. My older sister follows us to see our reaction. Upstairs, Oliver whispers into my ear.
ME: What?! Yazmin, you?!
YAZMIN: Nooo!
Oliver whispers into my brother's ear.
ALONSO: What?! Yazmin, you?!
YAZMIN: Nooo! Stop saying that!
ALONSO: Wait a minute, so it's--
ME: (In my best Homer voice) Yoly's pregnant?!...Again.
Back downstairs
ME: Okay, that was a pretty good secret.
YOLY: Told you.
ME: And Oliver, can I borrow the Pokemon game when you're done?
OLIVER: Yes.