hey...
hey. so i have been thinking. i really dont think i am a good friend. i have been going thru numerous events and situations in my head, and for the most part i think it comes out that i am shitty in some aspects and i dont know if the good things i do realyl outweigh the bad. i kno thats not what friendships are supposed to be (the good merely outweighing the bad). i mean my friends are the best. they have always been there for me, no matter what, i think. but when i think about it... i do question if i have been there thru everything and when they need/want me. and i dont think that is a good thing by far. im sorry. i love you all. i dont know how much that means right now or whatever, but i really do. i appreciate you and dont know how i would get along without u. maybe i am too selfish. maybe im not considerate enough or dont do the right thing like i should. and i am truly sorry for that. i have made alot of mistakes over time and i do hope u forgive me for them. i mean lets face it we are humans and we make mistakes. but we should learn from them. im not trying to pinpoint a specific event or trying to be overly dramatic, creating the drama i hate, but i have been reflecting over this for a bit now. and i dont mean just tonight. i try the best i can, but maybe thats not enough. when do u know if enough is enough? sometimes u just have to accept the fact that maybe u arent good enough at it. u try as u might to work at it, but somehow u always come up short. no excuses tho for this situation. when i say im disappointed i mean in myself. i know that u cant make everyone happy, and u have to be happy for yourself at least every once in awhile, but maybe i take every once in awhile and turn it into being selfish? maybe i dont take other peoples feelings into account enough? i love you and im sorry. u both know who u are. im not asking for sympathy or pity or any of that bullshit-only that u know that i love you and appreciate you both. ive messed up(whether it be little or big) alot and i cant make any excuses for myself, but i hope that u know how much u mean to me. whether or not i show it as much as i should.
~Amy