Last Request.
Title: Last Request.
Pairing: KyuMin
Genre: Angst, sadness
Length: One-shot.
Summary: Loss and isolation. Sungmin's life without Kyuhyun.
___________________________________________________
Grant my last request and just let me hold you......
____________________________________________________
The sun was fading fast, giving way to the night that was spreading over Seoul like a cancer. His things were packed and placed carefully near the front door, ready to be taken away to make more space. It was his time to leave.
The edge of his bed was his perching post as he examined his room. The room which was so full of memories for him was now just an empty cell with nothing left in it. It was devoid of any happiness which had once seeped into everything it held. He hated seeing it like this. He had to go. If he stayed he'd go mad... they'd both go mad.
Across the hall was a door and behind it was Sungmin. Unlike the other man, his room was full of life. Happiness emanated from every inch, from the bright colours plastering the place to the faces in the pictures carefully pinned in
a messy fashion all over his walls. But this happiness didn't mirror how the man was feeling inside, or how he'd felt in
weeks after what had happened. Feeling restless he paced the floor, his head racing with all the images and memories of the man he had once loved. Who he still loved. Who he will always love.... He couldn't take it any more and so allowed his body to give in, collapsing into a crumpled mess on the floor, heart breaking a little more with every breath he took. He didn't even try to stop the tears today. Aching and broken he cried, letting out silent cries into the cold air that engulfed him. There was nothing left for him now but this. Anger welled and he wanted to tear the room to bits, destroying every last bit until there was nothing left, creating a void where he could place himself and disappear from the world. There was nothing more he wanted. Feeling his body seizing he clutched at the ground, trying to find something to pacify him but there was no more comfort to be found. He needed him. The smell of his hair when he'd just gotten out of the shower, the look in his eyes when he looked at him, the touch of his hand. He's all he's ever needed.....
As if answering some unvoiced call he came, steadily walking along the hall between their two rooms, stopping to take in the surroundings. The walls were bruised and dark by the night. First he knocked, then he groped for the handle, turning it gently and reviling the room behind. The walls were painted with pained cries and every artefact oozed desperation. He felt scared to enter but he knew he had to the moment his eyes saw the white figure curled up on the floor. He was on his side, arms wrapped around his knees bringing them tightly to his chest as if for comfort. Instantly he was with him, throwing himself down to his knees beside him and reaching his arms out to grab a hold of him. To protect him. Placing a hand either side of him, he held tightly and almost roughly pulled Sungmin up, dragging him to chest, leaving his legs trailing behind on the floor. Dragged from his reverie, Sungmin's eyes opened in shock and a laud gasp exited from his mouth. In panic he fought hard to pull himself away until he noticed it; a familiar smell then sent him cascading through his mind, landing him back in Kyuhyun's arms. He gave up and relaxed into the embrace, his body going limp all over. They held each other like this for a while before it was changed by Sungmin, whos eyes flew open in realisation. The instant that happened he was feverishly grabbing at the man who held him, moaning and gasping his name. His arms were around his back harshly clutching at his t-shirt, ripping a chunk from the bottom in the process. In his fingernails dug, carving crescent moon shapes in his skin, bringing blood but causing no reaction. He was like a man possessed.
“Kyuhyun! Kyuhyun!” he gasped. He couldn't get enough. This is what he needed. He desperately pleaded for
this in his mind and it came.
“Don't go..... Please don't go. I need you!” his voice breathy and breaking. “I'll die if I don't have you. You're my life!”
Eyes wide in awe and shock, Sungmin was engulfed by a madness that made he shake violently all over. He shook so much so that the man felt the room was going to collapse around them if it continued any longer.
Through chattering teeth he whispered: “I'm disappearing Kyu.....”.
The man tightened his grip on Sungmin and gently stroked his head, entwining his fingers in his long soft hair while he still had the chance, swaying him slowly from side to side. This seemed to have a calming effect because, as time passed, the smaller man's breathing slowed, followed by the subsiding of his shakes and then the closing of his eyes.
“...... I love you.”
Before long Sungmin was asleep. The older man took it upon himself to pick him up, his small frame made even smaller by all the weight he had lost over the past couple of weeks, and put him in his bed. Pushing the messy covers aside
and straightening his pillow, he laid him down gently, straightening his t-shirt before pulling the covers over him. Pausing to look at him, he timidly pushed any stray hair away that had fallen on to his sunken face, leaving his palm to linger on his cheek so that he could feel that soft warmth underneath; something he'd really missed. Feeling this would be the last time he'd be able to do look at him, he allowed his eyes to scan over all of Sungmin's face, carefully committing to memory every mark, curve and line, admiring the length of his lashes down to the swooping bow shape of his lips. He'd never seen anyone look so beautiful while sleeping. Snapping out it, he thought: Maybe I should go now, while he's asleep. Not wanting to have to say goodbye, he decided this was the best thing to do and prepared himself to leave by taking a deep, painful breath. As though sensed by the smaller man, a hand hurriedly flew to the hand still resting on the side of his face and gripped it tightly. A soft moan escaped his parted lips. Then his eyes opened. His beautiful eyes were now looking directly into the other man's, enchanting him. This one simple gesture informed him that he couldn't leave yet. He'd just stay and swim in those big brown eyes that held him. As if an electric shock had been sent through him, Sungmin's eyes opened wide in a look pertaining to fear. This was followed by him lunging forward at the man stood over him in one strong movement and wrapping his arms around him, but leaving enough distance so that their eyes could still be connected.
Heaving a big sigh, his eyes screaming a thousand pleads, he frantically said: “you were going to leave weren't you? Please don't....... Stay...... Stay with me. Here.”
Sungmin could sense the unease in the man as he saw his eyes sink and his body tense. He reacted to this and rejected it by holding him tighter.
“No..... No..... NO!..... You left me before and didn't come back! You owe it to me! Give me this...... Its my last request. Please. Lay down.” Sungmin pleaded, his whole heart visible as if his skin was made of glass.
There was nothing he could do. The tone in Sungmin's voice demonstrated his pure, innocent need for him. He couldn't refuse him. Not right now. So he did it. He slowly pulled back the covers and laid down next to Sungmin, shuffling down so far that their eyes could meet. There they lay, eyes connected until Sungmin couldn't help himself any more and brought his hand up to place it on the other man's face, much in the same way that he had done earlier to him. The man completely crumbled under his touch. That was his Sungmin, and he was touching his face so tenderly. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to sink into the warmth of the hand. Not being able to stand it any longer, the man allowed himself to be engulfed by Sungmin entirely, pulling him forward into a constricting hug which was instantly reciprocated. Drinking him in entirely Sungmin heaved a heavy sigh.
“.....I love you.” Sungmin whispered into the taller man's hair.
And there they stayed, in that embrace.
*
Sungmin awoke to a gentle feeling on his cheek, like the lingering feeling of warm lips. Surprised he opened his eyes to see no one there. The room was cold and empty. Confused, he rolled onto his back, placing his hands either side of himself to hitch himself up in bed, but being shocked at what he felt: a patch of warmth on the bed where he hadn't been laying. Pulling the covers back, he groped up and down the bed only to feel that the heat extended from the pillow to the bottom of the bed. Then he remembered. Remembered what had happened the night before. Tears came to his eyes and he tried to blink them away, reusing to believe his memory. It can't have been...... It cant have been him....... He left me...... Pulling his knees up to his chest, he cried. He replayed the night in his head, every touch, every word, every embrace. He could still feel his arms around him. Lifting his head up and scanning the room he saw something on the floor; a red piece of cloth. Climbing out of bed he reached for it so he could look at it closer. It was a piece of Kyuhyuns t-shirt, he could remember ripping it when he was frantically holding onto him. Falling to his knees as a strong wave of realisation hit him, followed by the reality of the loss that had just happened, Sungmin gave in to the tears threatening him.
“You left me!” he shouted. “come back.... come back to me”. Jumping up to his feet he swung the door of his room open and ran to Kyuhyuns across the hall, frantically flinging the door open, expecting to see Kyuhyun sat on his bed
on his laptop, playing Starcraft like he always used to. But he wasn't. He hadn't been there to do that for weeks now. Dropping is head, Sungmin knew, he just hoped in vain. Choking at his loss making him feel as if he was about to faint, he stumbled over to Kyuhyuns bed and laid down on it, curling up into the foetal position.
He was all alone. That's where he stayed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One of the first angsty fan-fics I've written.........
Pairing: KyuMin
Genre: Angst, sadness
Length: One-shot.
Summary: Loss and isolation. Sungmin's life without Kyuhyun.
___________________________________________________
Grant my last request and just let me hold you......
____________________________________________________
The sun was fading fast, giving way to the night that was spreading over Seoul like a cancer. His things were packed and placed carefully near the front door, ready to be taken away to make more space. It was his time to leave.
The edge of his bed was his perching post as he examined his room. The room which was so full of memories for him was now just an empty cell with nothing left in it. It was devoid of any happiness which had once seeped into everything it held. He hated seeing it like this. He had to go. If he stayed he'd go mad... they'd both go mad.
Across the hall was a door and behind it was Sungmin. Unlike the other man, his room was full of life. Happiness emanated from every inch, from the bright colours plastering the place to the faces in the pictures carefully pinned in
a messy fashion all over his walls. But this happiness didn't mirror how the man was feeling inside, or how he'd felt in
weeks after what had happened. Feeling restless he paced the floor, his head racing with all the images and memories of the man he had once loved. Who he still loved. Who he will always love.... He couldn't take it any more and so allowed his body to give in, collapsing into a crumpled mess on the floor, heart breaking a little more with every breath he took. He didn't even try to stop the tears today. Aching and broken he cried, letting out silent cries into the cold air that engulfed him. There was nothing left for him now but this. Anger welled and he wanted to tear the room to bits, destroying every last bit until there was nothing left, creating a void where he could place himself and disappear from the world. There was nothing more he wanted. Feeling his body seizing he clutched at the ground, trying to find something to pacify him but there was no more comfort to be found. He needed him. The smell of his hair when he'd just gotten out of the shower, the look in his eyes when he looked at him, the touch of his hand. He's all he's ever needed.....
As if answering some unvoiced call he came, steadily walking along the hall between their two rooms, stopping to take in the surroundings. The walls were bruised and dark by the night. First he knocked, then he groped for the handle, turning it gently and reviling the room behind. The walls were painted with pained cries and every artefact oozed desperation. He felt scared to enter but he knew he had to the moment his eyes saw the white figure curled up on the floor. He was on his side, arms wrapped around his knees bringing them tightly to his chest as if for comfort. Instantly he was with him, throwing himself down to his knees beside him and reaching his arms out to grab a hold of him. To protect him. Placing a hand either side of him, he held tightly and almost roughly pulled Sungmin up, dragging him to chest, leaving his legs trailing behind on the floor. Dragged from his reverie, Sungmin's eyes opened in shock and a laud gasp exited from his mouth. In panic he fought hard to pull himself away until he noticed it; a familiar smell then sent him cascading through his mind, landing him back in Kyuhyun's arms. He gave up and relaxed into the embrace, his body going limp all over. They held each other like this for a while before it was changed by Sungmin, whos eyes flew open in realisation. The instant that happened he was feverishly grabbing at the man who held him, moaning and gasping his name. His arms were around his back harshly clutching at his t-shirt, ripping a chunk from the bottom in the process. In his fingernails dug, carving crescent moon shapes in his skin, bringing blood but causing no reaction. He was like a man possessed.
“Kyuhyun! Kyuhyun!” he gasped. He couldn't get enough. This is what he needed. He desperately pleaded for
this in his mind and it came.
“Don't go..... Please don't go. I need you!” his voice breathy and breaking. “I'll die if I don't have you. You're my life!”
Eyes wide in awe and shock, Sungmin was engulfed by a madness that made he shake violently all over. He shook so much so that the man felt the room was going to collapse around them if it continued any longer.
Through chattering teeth he whispered: “I'm disappearing Kyu.....”.
The man tightened his grip on Sungmin and gently stroked his head, entwining his fingers in his long soft hair while he still had the chance, swaying him slowly from side to side. This seemed to have a calming effect because, as time passed, the smaller man's breathing slowed, followed by the subsiding of his shakes and then the closing of his eyes.
“...... I love you.”
Before long Sungmin was asleep. The older man took it upon himself to pick him up, his small frame made even smaller by all the weight he had lost over the past couple of weeks, and put him in his bed. Pushing the messy covers aside
and straightening his pillow, he laid him down gently, straightening his t-shirt before pulling the covers over him. Pausing to look at him, he timidly pushed any stray hair away that had fallen on to his sunken face, leaving his palm to linger on his cheek so that he could feel that soft warmth underneath; something he'd really missed. Feeling this would be the last time he'd be able to do look at him, he allowed his eyes to scan over all of Sungmin's face, carefully committing to memory every mark, curve and line, admiring the length of his lashes down to the swooping bow shape of his lips. He'd never seen anyone look so beautiful while sleeping. Snapping out it, he thought: Maybe I should go now, while he's asleep. Not wanting to have to say goodbye, he decided this was the best thing to do and prepared himself to leave by taking a deep, painful breath. As though sensed by the smaller man, a hand hurriedly flew to the hand still resting on the side of his face and gripped it tightly. A soft moan escaped his parted lips. Then his eyes opened. His beautiful eyes were now looking directly into the other man's, enchanting him. This one simple gesture informed him that he couldn't leave yet. He'd just stay and swim in those big brown eyes that held him. As if an electric shock had been sent through him, Sungmin's eyes opened wide in a look pertaining to fear. This was followed by him lunging forward at the man stood over him in one strong movement and wrapping his arms around him, but leaving enough distance so that their eyes could still be connected.
Heaving a big sigh, his eyes screaming a thousand pleads, he frantically said: “you were going to leave weren't you? Please don't....... Stay...... Stay with me. Here.”
Sungmin could sense the unease in the man as he saw his eyes sink and his body tense. He reacted to this and rejected it by holding him tighter.
“No..... No..... NO!..... You left me before and didn't come back! You owe it to me! Give me this...... Its my last request. Please. Lay down.” Sungmin pleaded, his whole heart visible as if his skin was made of glass.
There was nothing he could do. The tone in Sungmin's voice demonstrated his pure, innocent need for him. He couldn't refuse him. Not right now. So he did it. He slowly pulled back the covers and laid down next to Sungmin, shuffling down so far that their eyes could meet. There they lay, eyes connected until Sungmin couldn't help himself any more and brought his hand up to place it on the other man's face, much in the same way that he had done earlier to him. The man completely crumbled under his touch. That was his Sungmin, and he was touching his face so tenderly. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to sink into the warmth of the hand. Not being able to stand it any longer, the man allowed himself to be engulfed by Sungmin entirely, pulling him forward into a constricting hug which was instantly reciprocated. Drinking him in entirely Sungmin heaved a heavy sigh.
“.....I love you.” Sungmin whispered into the taller man's hair.
And there they stayed, in that embrace.
*
Sungmin awoke to a gentle feeling on his cheek, like the lingering feeling of warm lips. Surprised he opened his eyes to see no one there. The room was cold and empty. Confused, he rolled onto his back, placing his hands either side of himself to hitch himself up in bed, but being shocked at what he felt: a patch of warmth on the bed where he hadn't been laying. Pulling the covers back, he groped up and down the bed only to feel that the heat extended from the pillow to the bottom of the bed. Then he remembered. Remembered what had happened the night before. Tears came to his eyes and he tried to blink them away, reusing to believe his memory. It can't have been...... It cant have been him....... He left me...... Pulling his knees up to his chest, he cried. He replayed the night in his head, every touch, every word, every embrace. He could still feel his arms around him. Lifting his head up and scanning the room he saw something on the floor; a red piece of cloth. Climbing out of bed he reached for it so he could look at it closer. It was a piece of Kyuhyuns t-shirt, he could remember ripping it when he was frantically holding onto him. Falling to his knees as a strong wave of realisation hit him, followed by the reality of the loss that had just happened, Sungmin gave in to the tears threatening him.
“You left me!” he shouted. “come back.... come back to me”. Jumping up to his feet he swung the door of his room open and ran to Kyuhyuns across the hall, frantically flinging the door open, expecting to see Kyuhyun sat on his bed
on his laptop, playing Starcraft like he always used to. But he wasn't. He hadn't been there to do that for weeks now. Dropping is head, Sungmin knew, he just hoped in vain. Choking at his loss making him feel as if he was about to faint, he stumbled over to Kyuhyuns bed and laid down on it, curling up into the foetal position.
He was all alone. That's where he stayed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One of the first angsty fan-fics I've written.........