(no subject)
sometimes I wish I just had the inability to love anybody. that I just couldn't love. no matter how hard I tried.
to not need anyone, to not care, to never sit around alone wishing a certain someone was with me.
why can't I be happy on my own? shouldn't I be? don't I deserve it?
why can't I be okay keeping my thoughts in my head and my feelings to myself?
why do I let little things affect me, and other people control my moods?
life just seems too much to take on... how could anyone let themselves fall in love with someone when they know that they will inevitably fall out of love? knowing that down the road it's going to hurt. how could anyone consciously do that to themselves?
And I know it's just going to be cycles of that for the next 5-10 years... thinking I've found the one... giving everything I have into it... and then finding out I was wrong... then finding someone else and doing the same thing.
it will just repeat until I find a husband or whatever. and even then... How am I going to stand there and say "I do" without knowing if it's going to last.
I wish I was okay on my own but I'm not.
to not need anyone, to not care, to never sit around alone wishing a certain someone was with me.
why can't I be happy on my own? shouldn't I be? don't I deserve it?
why can't I be okay keeping my thoughts in my head and my feelings to myself?
why do I let little things affect me, and other people control my moods?
life just seems too much to take on... how could anyone let themselves fall in love with someone when they know that they will inevitably fall out of love? knowing that down the road it's going to hurt. how could anyone consciously do that to themselves?
And I know it's just going to be cycles of that for the next 5-10 years... thinking I've found the one... giving everything I have into it... and then finding out I was wrong... then finding someone else and doing the same thing.
it will just repeat until I find a husband or whatever. and even then... How am I going to stand there and say "I do" without knowing if it's going to last.
I wish I was okay on my own but I'm not.