(no subject)
I’m recovering.
Thanks for any prayers,
If you prayed for me.
I prayed a great deal for tonight’s “Come & See” at MSJ.
For all the people going, the worship team, anyone speaking, just everything about it.
And for myself as well.
My health was really bad last night and this morning
But now after my reconnection & reconciliation with God
I think it’s all going to be alright.
I’ve been a really bad person these past few weeks
I hope I didn’t hurt anyone, and I hope anyone I did will forgive me
I think it’s because I’ve been so far from God, especially because I didn’t go to cell group for 2 weeks and church for 1 week.
My relationship with 2 of my friends has been really messed up.
I really don’t know what to do anymore; I can’t seem to do anything.
Yeah, like Sandeep said, "Who I've been hates who I am..." the opposite of RK's lyrics.
Regrets? Plenty. But there's no point to them so I'll focus on the future I guess.
“communication is a key to a true friendship.” -horsie’s profile.
But I can’t seem to say it to your guys’ faces or think out my thoughts when I’m with you so here goes.
To one: okay i guess i cheated because you are lenting this & can't see it, but i think we are improving already. <3 when you finally get to see this.
I wanted to invite you over for lemon meringue pie and a cup of my favorite tea,
But you didn’t pick up either phone.
We are supposedly best friends, but it really doesn’t seem like that anymore.
This competition seems to be going too far.
I gave up long ago, can’t you?
It’s really weird between us, you act like nothing is different.
I want us to be okay.
To another: i hope we will come out okay. much love.
What is wrong?
I think it started out as being me,
But now it’s turned to be you… but you must still think it’s me.
Well you see, I was looking forward to a wonderful time that night with you two.
But I was disappointed, really, that has carried on until now.
Him and me were okay, truly, there was nothing wrong and you can’t seem to take that?
He respected me for what I chose to do and chose not to do; I was just really surprised that you guys, my own friends, just couldn’t.
I guess it was simply awkward to see you dance like that with him, I really felt you were messing with him, since you originally said you didn’t like him. When you say yes to someone when they ask you to a dance, you don’t have to give them your body for that night. But perhaps your morals are different and perhaps your view of “prom” is different.
Taken out because you couldn't have done aything about it, sorry about that.
I want you to know that I wanted an apology, but you don’t know what there is to apologize for. And now I no longer know what you have to apologize for.
I just want us to be okay again, but I can’t seem to forgive you and I can’t seem to get myself to pretend like nothing happened.
It just really seems like you don’t care anymore. I want you to care, though.
Anyways, I’m feeling rather well right now.
Pleasant. Peaceful. Those would describe me very well now.
I’m too numb inside to be angry or upset.
I was thinking a lot earlier, when I was in the shower.
I had a really great poem I made up, but I forgot it.
One part was like…
Thanks for asking if I’m okay,
But what am I supposed to say?
No, actually I’m not okay.
What would you say?
Oh no, is there anything I can do?
Yes, give me medicine give me drugs
Give me health give me hugs.
I don’t want your pity.
So thanks for asking.
But your words mean nothing to me
Now, actions speak far louder than words.
They do, they truly do.
I remember more:
I'm dried out.
Like a raisin, like a prune.
No, more like a rooftop in a land that has gone through 13 months of drought.
That's better.
Darnit, I continued a lot more but I forgot it all.
It’s okay guys, I don’t want your actions anymore.
And thanks to those who did do something.
I’m fine now, though.
I listened to “You” by Switchfoot over and over again for an hour
Now I’m listening to frou frou. It’s rather nice & peaceful.
Oh yes, I watched Roman Holiday. Audrey Hepburn is a cutie. Too bad it was in black and white, haha.
Darn I had something to say about me being a hypocrite (not in extreme ways because I just read Yu-huan's xanga and his example was like woah, but just in small & many ways -unnoticeable to most but evident to myself) and not being perfect, but I don't remember what it was exactly.
What Ryan spoke about on Wednesday was absolutely true,
How it’s not right for Christians to be all “emo” and be like the rest of the world
But I can’t seem to find the infinite joy right now.
I need You, God, I know I need You; please come rescue me.
Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)
28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Mm, thanks for reading it all if you did. I don't know what you would say, but please let it be uplifting.
an update on my condition:
this whole morning until about 3:00 i was literally writhing in agony from an unbearable pain... there was this immense pressure in my face and head. i can't even describe it, it hurt SO bad you don't even know. it left after i took a tylenol and went to sleep, but after i woke up and after a little while it came back again and i have it now again. i think it might be from all my nose-blowing, but i'm not sure. please keep praying, i need it a lot. do you guys have any prayer requests?