It isn't that I hate my job

[mmmelp00]

It's just that I hate the way I feel right now. I feel like I'm stagnating, yet I am fully aware that the biggest drain on my energy is that the work is dynamic and challenging. I guess I just want to relax while I'm on the clock, yet that seems wholly impossible. I don't think I'll ever be a happy worker because getting good results seems to be so taxing emotionally. I probably should have known this early on, like as early as during middle school, when I worked really hard, was unhappy, and continued working hard just to excel for the sake of excelling, because to give up seemed unthinkably worse. Now, I still see giving up as pathetic, and not the solution at all, yet I can't seem to regain focus on the elusive prize at the end of the tunnel. It's just all fuzzier now.

My boyfriend told me to go either (1) get on meds or (2) see a shrink. Again. I hate advice like that, no matter how well-intentioned. This is probably just because I cringe at the very suggestion of criticism (I know, this is one of my worst personality flaws, Mom), and such advice does more than suggest that there's something needing fixing. It's like he's holding up a giant poster that says "Girl, you've got some serious, core issues that need resolving!" On that note, this chick's gotta go give her crazy brain a rest. Good night. Please make tomorrow not suck as much as today did. Sheesh, I think I just prayed...online.