Drunk
I don't think there's a time when I'd rather not be drunk, other than when faced with a cop. I like the way my eyes don't track, the way I can't hold still, the way it's hard to breathe. I like being able to talk to Tim, to sympathize with him and really talk to him. I'm much better at talking to him when he's drunk.
Tomorrow is the Oscars thingy at West Olive. Graham and I are going to go see every movie nominated for best picture in the Oscars. At West Olive the ticket is $30 and there's unlimited popcorn and soda. I was looking forward to it so much a couple of weeks ago, but now I just want to cry. I'm not sure what's wrong with me other than I'm drunk.
It's really been a while drunk-wise. I tried to do it the last couple of weekends in a row, but Graham was working and it wasn't much fun. I only had one drink each time because of that. No fun= no drinking. My eyes won't even look at the screen really.
I want to take a walk. I want to cry. I want to do everything and nothing. I want to not be insecure about these entries. They're so hard to make sober. You know whoever reads them is judging you, whether you think so or not. The last one I wrote was supposed to be about remembering something unique and fun later, but a stranger turned into something dirty and wrong so I deleted it. The sad thing is I probably know them. I just don't know who it was. I thought about not writing anymore (like I wrote much in the first place, right?) but some people actually care. I don't know if I can anymore. I finally figured out what I want my degree in, but I can't even bring myself to apply to four-year schools.
I am so sick of myself. And so cowardly. There's a reason why they call alcohol "liquid courage".
I wish someone would walk with me. I'm lonely.
Tomorrow is the Oscars thingy at West Olive. Graham and I are going to go see every movie nominated for best picture in the Oscars. At West Olive the ticket is $30 and there's unlimited popcorn and soda. I was looking forward to it so much a couple of weeks ago, but now I just want to cry. I'm not sure what's wrong with me other than I'm drunk.
It's really been a while drunk-wise. I tried to do it the last couple of weekends in a row, but Graham was working and it wasn't much fun. I only had one drink each time because of that. No fun= no drinking. My eyes won't even look at the screen really.
I want to take a walk. I want to cry. I want to do everything and nothing. I want to not be insecure about these entries. They're so hard to make sober. You know whoever reads them is judging you, whether you think so or not. The last one I wrote was supposed to be about remembering something unique and fun later, but a stranger turned into something dirty and wrong so I deleted it. The sad thing is I probably know them. I just don't know who it was. I thought about not writing anymore (like I wrote much in the first place, right?) but some people actually care. I don't know if I can anymore. I finally figured out what I want my degree in, but I can't even bring myself to apply to four-year schools.
I am so sick of myself. And so cowardly. There's a reason why they call alcohol "liquid courage".
I wish someone would walk with me. I'm lonely.