And The Pain You Feel Is A Different Kind Of Pain...
I came here with an open mind. I was willing to push myself out of my comfort zone so i could truly have that sought after "college experience." I was going to make friends and challenge myself intellectually. I was going to start over, new friends, new faces, a new town. But those were expectations. My bad, I guess I never should have expected anything. Because when you have expectations, you end up disappointed. I've said that so many times over the years... how is that for starting over? Learning the same lesson over again. I knew I shouldnt have expected anything, especially when other people are involved (ie: My prospective friends, I guess). I expected to much and am now disappointed... disappointed because of my own expectations.
I look at the clock every other minute, it seems, during all of my classes wondering why the time is passing so slowly. I go back to "that place where I live" (Heaven forbid I call this Hell "Home") and stare at my calander, counting the days until I get to go home. I hope every morning that when I open my eyes, I will be home, in my bed; I hope that I will wake up and this nightmare will just be history. Every day is worse than the last, every minute is more painful than the one before. Then I take a step back and realize how fast time really is moving, and I'm stuck four months in the past. Not only am I temperally behind and unable to catch up, but I am not even enjoying this time that I am wasting here.
I tried to make the best of it. I really, really tried. I tried to make friends... You dont make friends here, you make acquaintences. And the one person who actually made an effort to talk to me gets driven away by my lack of enthusiasm for this lifestyle. He ends up being nothing less than a douche, for lack of a more eloquent sounding word.
So typical.
But I am living in the materialism capital of the world, what else could I expect, really?
Nothing.
I dont expect anything.