Can't sleep
I thought I'd resort to my old tactic of getting my thoughts out in writing when I was having trouble sleeping. I was feeling nautious for a while and then I realized it was nerves. I don't know exactly what is bothering me, and I know I'm extremely overtired right now but my brain won't slow down. I keep thinking about one certain thing that's going on.. or rather not going on in my life as of late.
So anyway, it's kind of lonely in Toronto sometimes. I do'nt know that many people, and I've been looking to make new friends, find people that I can hang out with like I have always been able to hang with old high school friends and buds I made in London while at Western. on top of that, I guess I want to find a special relationship but it's so hard to find that when you're like me in toronto and don't know all that many people. My classes are filled with people who are a lot younger than me, and much more immature as well. So it sort of only leaves the bar scene and I'm not too keen on picking up guys in bars... well, I mean it's fun and all but it's difficult to start a meaningful relationship that way.
So I've been meeting lots of guys but mostly they've been too old for me. Last night I met someone who I think I could like (and isn't 30 lol) but I'm not sure yet, and I'm really untrusting when it comes to meeting new guys, and especially meeting them in bars. Okay the problem is... and I really don't want to sound conceited because I'm seirously not an arrogant person, but in the past, when guys start to get to know me and decide they're interested in me, for some reason they fall hard and fast and it scares me because I'm put in a position where I'm forced to decide about my feelings for them more quickly than would come naturally to me. So I usually push them away because I either am unsure or I feel like their intentions are not honourable. It's so hard to get to know someone enough to decide whether or not I want to pursue a relationship with them, but I guess that is what dating is for.... I feel like I want to know the person before I even decide if I want to date them! So I guess this means I'm picky, does it?
So anyway, it's kind of lonely in Toronto sometimes. I do'nt know that many people, and I've been looking to make new friends, find people that I can hang out with like I have always been able to hang with old high school friends and buds I made in London while at Western. on top of that, I guess I want to find a special relationship but it's so hard to find that when you're like me in toronto and don't know all that many people. My classes are filled with people who are a lot younger than me, and much more immature as well. So it sort of only leaves the bar scene and I'm not too keen on picking up guys in bars... well, I mean it's fun and all but it's difficult to start a meaningful relationship that way.
So I've been meeting lots of guys but mostly they've been too old for me. Last night I met someone who I think I could like (and isn't 30 lol) but I'm not sure yet, and I'm really untrusting when it comes to meeting new guys, and especially meeting them in bars. Okay the problem is... and I really don't want to sound conceited because I'm seirously not an arrogant person, but in the past, when guys start to get to know me and decide they're interested in me, for some reason they fall hard and fast and it scares me because I'm put in a position where I'm forced to decide about my feelings for them more quickly than would come naturally to me. So I usually push them away because I either am unsure or I feel like their intentions are not honourable. It's so hard to get to know someone enough to decide whether or not I want to pursue a relationship with them, but I guess that is what dating is for.... I feel like I want to know the person before I even decide if I want to date them! So I guess this means I'm picky, does it?