(no subject)
*crying*
The urge to run to her arms seems to eat me alive. I can't bear it. But I have to resist calling her. She needs time to heal and time to herself. This was bound to happen. What ever I do comes back to me three times it's worst.
I know I did something or somethings stupid enough to leave me alone for good.
Nikki - I mean if it's just like you could get over it right?
Me - But that's just it, Nikki, it's not just like, it's even more than the love you and I know about. It's deeper than just some crush and it's a whole lot of more confusing as you and I will ever understand.
Nikki - Why?
Me - I don't know. But I knew it the very first time I met her. This was something big.
Nikki - If we know this then why do we end up making stupid mistakes?
Me - I didn't know it then. I know it now. After losing her so many times, after hurting her so many ways, I finally understand it all. I don't want to blame my naiveness on that but that is really what went wrong. I didn't realize how big our relationship was. I didn't understand the concept of people meant to be. Nor did I see how it will evolve with time. The stupid mistakes I made were the mistakes made out of fear, cowardliness, and pure youth.
Nikki - So..what now?
Me - That's just it Nikki, what now? How do I get up from here. I want to so bad. I want to win back the heart of my one and only. I want trust, comfort, ecstasy. How do I go about obtaining all of that staying away, giving her what she needs, space?
I want to call her, but I know it won't do any justice. I want to tell her I love her, but it would just confuse her more. I should stop thinking about what I want and concentrate on what she needs. At least for now. I'll let her come looking for me when she's ready. Till then I guess I still have to wake up in the morning, take a quick breath of my pillow, climb into the shower we both shared at one time, get dressed as if she was watching me, and head out the door thinking she downstairs waiting for me. I'm disappointed to find that no one's there. I'm even more depressed when I have to hear her name, smell her perfume, or just remember any detail of anytime we spent together. *sigh* I working on her birthday gift. I hope she likes it. I hope she will even take it.
I have to go. I have a class.
The urge to run to her arms seems to eat me alive. I can't bear it. But I have to resist calling her. She needs time to heal and time to herself. This was bound to happen. What ever I do comes back to me three times it's worst.
I know I did something or somethings stupid enough to leave me alone for good.
Nikki - I mean if it's just like you could get over it right?
Me - But that's just it, Nikki, it's not just like, it's even more than the love you and I know about. It's deeper than just some crush and it's a whole lot of more confusing as you and I will ever understand.
Nikki - Why?
Me - I don't know. But I knew it the very first time I met her. This was something big.
Nikki - If we know this then why do we end up making stupid mistakes?
Me - I didn't know it then. I know it now. After losing her so many times, after hurting her so many ways, I finally understand it all. I don't want to blame my naiveness on that but that is really what went wrong. I didn't realize how big our relationship was. I didn't understand the concept of people meant to be. Nor did I see how it will evolve with time. The stupid mistakes I made were the mistakes made out of fear, cowardliness, and pure youth.
Nikki - So..what now?
Me - That's just it Nikki, what now? How do I get up from here. I want to so bad. I want to win back the heart of my one and only. I want trust, comfort, ecstasy. How do I go about obtaining all of that staying away, giving her what she needs, space?
I want to call her, but I know it won't do any justice. I want to tell her I love her, but it would just confuse her more. I should stop thinking about what I want and concentrate on what she needs. At least for now. I'll let her come looking for me when she's ready. Till then I guess I still have to wake up in the morning, take a quick breath of my pillow, climb into the shower we both shared at one time, get dressed as if she was watching me, and head out the door thinking she downstairs waiting for me. I'm disappointed to find that no one's there. I'm even more depressed when I have to hear her name, smell her perfume, or just remember any detail of anytime we spent together. *sigh* I working on her birthday gift. I hope she likes it. I hope she will even take it.
I have to go. I have a class.