Blah

[mmm_toast1]

I woke up this morning not realizing it was morning. My eyes felt like they have bleed and my head was swerming with thoughts of dream like senerios. Tissues covered the floor and my blanket was dampy. Light was being luminated from my window but I didn't care or want to care that a new day has awakened. I, however, was awakened by a phone call.

Comments

[aidan_naimyer]

The hardest thing to do is notice or remember good things when so many bad ones are happening. But its the only thing that can keep you from reaching the point where you don't feel you want to live anymore. Once you've reached it before, you have to force yourself ten times harder to hold onto those things harder than anything else. Its easy, too easy for comfort, to list every bad thing thats happened and say its proof the life hates you. And after you have its harder still to think of reasons why life might not, but Melinda being safe after the accident is one of them. And the fact that you can still make yourself get up in the morning, and go to class, and talk to people about whats going on, those are other ones too.

Try to never let yourself get to that point where you're ready to end it all. Do that for your family because they love you. And because once you've been there and had to come back, even if you were dragged back from it kicking and screaming, you will have to get up the next morning, something that at the time was not in your plan. And after you've reached that place and been brought back, getting up after it makes everything that much harder. And part of you will always remember what it feels like to be there, to have been that desperate to die, and you will NOT like yourself for that.

[mmm_toast1]

I'm hanging on by a thread of something I can't explain.

[aidan_naimyer]

I'm glad.