I need summer to end already......
There is another form of weakness I have finally got my hands on. That is my own feelings. I can't believe they mix together that way. I can't believe I can function without falling or collapsing. I wonder how far I can go without causing so much damage to the people around me. Or do I do it on purpose. Certainly not. I found the brink between insanity and madness. With which lies within me. It is an emotion or emotions put together by a series of events, of episodes, of traumas, and of alternatives. I am the one responsible for my own actions and I take that responsibilities seriously and undoubtfully charasmaticlly. Yet still I wonder if I could possibly give someone else part to blame. And if I could I would blame my past. I would blame my parents, and I would blame society. They have created me, or have taken part in my creation, in my defiance. I'd be nothing if it weren't for my past, for my unfortunate parents, or for societies bends. Now that I have clarified what in god's green earth pokes me, I must now look towards a solution to my dilemma. The dilemma being weakness. One suggestion is to rule out all possible feelings leaving only emptyness and never feeling weak again. If I take this high road, I know it won't be easy, for I'll miss a lot of good feelings. Good in that I mean love, courage, happiness. Is it really worth it? Another suggestion is to play a game. The object of the game is to win against the evil forces of weakness by demonstrating strength; stare weakness in the eye as if it had a soul, as if the eyes of weakness were staring back at you. You must never blink, you'll give your opponent the hand and therefore, taking all the wins for itself. Am I strong enough to beat weakness?
A teacher once told me that with goals, future always looks brighter. However my life has always been about goals and my future never had a flashlight. I see no point in collecting goals. I want more than just goals. I want my heart to have a revelation. I want the impossible and I desperately need someone to understand that. Wanting something you know you'll never get or will never have a chance to, murders everything about me. I dream that that would change and nothing by far, nothing has changed. Everyone expects something or nothing of me, I expect everything. Everyone wants something from me and I'm always pushing for more. Everyone calls me when needed and I can't seem to control myself. I've set the bar way too high from the beginning and now I'm jumping for what? Nothing. What a disappointment eh? What now? Where do I go from here? And how do I go about it?
A teacher once told me that with goals, future always looks brighter. However my life has always been about goals and my future never had a flashlight. I see no point in collecting goals. I want more than just goals. I want my heart to have a revelation. I want the impossible and I desperately need someone to understand that. Wanting something you know you'll never get or will never have a chance to, murders everything about me. I dream that that would change and nothing by far, nothing has changed. Everyone expects something or nothing of me, I expect everything. Everyone wants something from me and I'm always pushing for more. Everyone calls me when needed and I can't seem to control myself. I've set the bar way too high from the beginning and now I'm jumping for what? Nothing. What a disappointment eh? What now? Where do I go from here? And how do I go about it?