Hallo.
I just got home from Chicago. :) I must say I had a pretty good time, minus a couple set backs.
I hate it when people don't take care of themselves and then expect you to feel sorry for them. Or when they over exert themselves. GAH! Whatever though.
We took a train and I must say I liked it better than flying. :) We shopped so much in Chicago! I don't think I've ever walked that much in my life! But the food definitly made up for it. :D I finally got my Guess purse, cute boots, and a nice coat. :) My favorite part I think was eating. I LOVE FOOD. Like a lot, and this food was amazing. :) We ate at the Cheesecake Factory and at the Grand Luxe. :) Yay food! :) And we also hit up the Sears Tower. :) Anyways it was a good time.
The Christmas party was really fun. :) I really miss all of them. It was so nice to see them again. :)
AND I am officially 18!!! I went to the casino and found my favorite game. Hahaha. I won 11 dollars. :) I want a tattoo but I don't know of what. I have time so I'll think about it. ;)
But the real reason I'm on here is to vent.. well really, think things out.
I am really confused about a few things. Like soccer for instance. Do I play? Do I quit? (I don't even know if I CAN quit) Do I do what I think will make me happy, or what I know will make me happy? I don't know. Well I do but I don't know if I like the answer. How do you give up something that was once everything? I've worked so hard in soccer but I really don't know if its worth it anymore. Hmm... I think I have a little bit of time. I really suck at making decisions.
& Problem #2....
I have never felt so vulnerable in my life. Living through a heart break is not #1 on my list of things to do before I die. Its actually not on my list at all. I really never want to experience the full blown thing. I mean, everyone has a little one but a big one has to be devastating. I've seen my friends get through the big ones and I don't want to be left crushed like that. I always thought I was really strong on the inside, but I KNOW I would be utterly crushed if Jacob and I broke up. Not on my list.
We are NOT breaking up but my problem is how vulnerable I feel. My heart is right there. Out in the open. Not protected. At any second he could shatter it... and there I would be, lifeless.
This sounds stupid, but I feel like I'm just realizing how much I am in love with him.
I always dig too deep into things, but thats just me.
So I guess everything is really okay. I just think WAY too much.
I need my friends to drag me out of the shell I just crawled back into.
Okay, I'm done. Good night. :)
<3 Kry
"Is your daddy dealin'? Cuz you're dope to me.." HAHAHA. :D (MIA!)