(no subject)
I dunno what to do anymore. I used to love swimming but ever since I got on the swim team its made me hate it. I hate swimming, I really don't like SOME of the people on the team aaand Im not getting enough sleep and I am always tired. On the other hand second semester is supposed to be really fun and laid back but I dunno if I can stand being in that atmosphere much longer. I feel like a fucking failure who quits when it gets hard...which is true. I really do quit things when its gets hard but I dunno I just don't like having all the stress ya know??? I tried going after school to tell Coah I wana quit but he wasn't there! What do I do??? Like do I go to practice on Monday and take a tutorial so I don't have to swim theeen tell coach after school that day? I just don't know what to do anymore.(this isn't just about swimming) I feel like I disappoint everyday to everyone. Coach is a really nice guy and I hate having him feel like Im slacker. I really do wana be there its just so many things are going on...my brothers joining the marines...my cat(Tiger) is missing. My mom is going through mena-pause and everyday I feel like my dad wants to trade me in for another kid. He is always putting me down and making me feel like Im some bother to him. Not to mention that my grades are going way low-even in SPEECH! Im so screwed up right now- why can't I just be like everyone else and stick things out why do I have to change all the time. Some of the girls on the swim team make me so mad tho. Like I don't understand why they can't mind their own buisness and If I don't come to practice not geive me a dirty look or tell me Im a loser or something. I mean YAH i do that and YAH i slack off and YAH i don't like swimming but does it make it your buisness to ignore me or talking behind my back. Come on Its my doing let ME deal with it and mind your own buisness. NONE of this is directed to the ones I care about and you know who you are- Im mainly talking about some juniors and most freshmen- Cept Lisa and steph and brooke and stuff they are all friggin tight! But yah sorry Im venting- I gota let it out some how! haha Well thats its sorry for the long entry.