Story: Untitled
Title: Untitled
Fandom: Mag 7 - OW
Character(s): JD, Buck
Ratings: G, slashy in a particularly chaste kind of way
Length: 3,740
Disclaimer: Any thoughts I ever entertained of owning the boys were immediately killed by the realization that I could never afford to feed, clothe, and bandage all seven of them. Plus, where would I keep them? And then there's the cost of repairing the bullet holes in the walls... I'll settle for taking them out to play once in a while.
Old, old story rescued from Geocities, though I wonder if it mightn't be kinder to let this one go.
"God. Would you look at that?" JD's voice was hushed, as if speaking loudly was sin enough to shatter the sweeping panorama that spread beneath his feet.
"Yeah. It's amazin'," Buck agreed, but his eyes weren't on the view.
JD turned from his vantage point higher on the faint trail. His face was flushed from the climb. "I told you it was worth the hike," he said, triumphantly.
"Yeah, Kid. It was worth it," Buck said, brushing past JD.
JD frowned, puzzled by Buck's mood. The normally exuberant scoundrel had been withdrawn for weeks now, and--if JD didn't know better, he would swear Buck had been avoiding him. Trading patrols so they hardly ever rode together, making up one excuse after another. Each one by itself was completely innocent, but trailed together. . . JD was starting to see a pattern.
Buck had even tried to get out of this patrol with him, offering to make a prisoner run to Eagle Bend in Ezra's place. The southerner had nearly pounced on the offer, but Chris had killed the negotiations with a puzzled glare in Buck's direction.
The pleasure JD had drawn from their detour drained away as he realized he must have done something to anger his friend.
Try as he might, JD couldn't come up with anything that he'd done wrong lately. There was that dust-up in the Saloon two weeks ago when Buck had nearly come unglued over JD's approach to manhandling a trail-hand much larger than himself. But that was nothing new. Buck was always on him over one thing or another.
With a frustrated sigh, JD decided that the only way he was going to get any answers was to go directly to the source. Unfortunately, getting answers from a moody Buck was every bit as much fun as prodding a grizzly with a toothache.
*Actually, * he decided a second later, *the grizzly would probably be more fun.* Running through his defenses, excuses, and explanations, JD squared his shoulders and started to pick his way carefully up the steep rock wall.
JD found Buck seated on a rock not a dozen yards around the next twist in the trail. The large man had such a torn expression on his face that JD suddenly felt like an intruder. He held back for a moment, wondering if he had missed something that was seriously wrong with Buck.
"Buck," he said, as he pulled himself up to the same level.
The dark-haired man turned toward him slowly, a tightly controlled set to his features that would have been appropriate on Chris or Ezra, but not Buck. Never Buck.
"What's wrong?" JD asked when Buck didn't offer any further acknowledgment.
"Nothin' kid," Buck said in a tone that warned JD to leave things alone.
Concern for his friend made JD ignore the warning. "Come on, Buck. I'm not stupid. Somethin's botherin' you."
"I said it was nothin'." Buck didn't exactly growl, but it was enough to make JD take a half-step back.
He shored up his courage and tried again. "Whatever it is, you can tell me. Maybe I can help. We're friends right?"
"Yeah. Friends," Buck's voice was ragged as it scraped across the last word.
JD caught longing, loathing and something entirely alien in the short tones. Startled by the intense emotions, he backed up another step. "I don't. . ." He stopped, frowning in confusion.
"Forget it," Buck said, his shoulders sagging.
"Buck. . ." JD started, suddenly feeling as though he had let Buck down in some way.
Buck stood, his face dark. "Goddamnit, JD. Leave it alone. If you weren't such a goddamned child, I'd--"
JD never heard what Buck would do. When Buck exploded, he backed off another step. The ancient rock beneath his feet gave way with a scraping noise.
As the world shifted violently around him, JD scrambled for purchase. He landed heavily, his shoulders and back absorbing most of the brutal blow. For a long moment he lay there, breathing heavily. Then with a sickening crack, the world plummeted again.
The last thing to penetrate the choking dust that proceeded the dark, was Buck's anguished voice calling out his name.
~`~ ~*~ ~`~
How could he be standing there when his heart had stopped? Buck knew it had stopped, because he felt the last soul wrenching convulsion it had given as he watched JD disappear into a rolling cloud of red dust.
He dropped to his knees as the newly formed rock edge, unconcerned by the possibility that the earth beneath his feet could easily give way beneath his weight. Frantically he searched the foot of the cliff, peering through the thick dust for a glimpse of the sight that he knew would kill him.
"God, JD," he whispered. "Oh, God. Please." An old sinner like himself didn't deserve divine intervention, but Buck sent one incoherent plea after another on behalf of the innocent he'd just destroyed.
The minutes drug on. One becoming two. Then three and four. A lifetime slipping away in the absence of one heartbeat. Buck stopped tracking the passage of time. It didn't matter anymore.
The air cleared and still no sign of JD.
With a heavy heart, Buck started to turn away. There was no way JD could have survived that fall. Buck needed to find him. Needed to take him home. Buck took a final, forlorn look over the scene that had cost him his soul.
Something mid-way down caught Buck's eye. A dull glimmer pushing valiantly through the thick coat of newly settled dirt. Buck strained to see. Slowly, rock shapes became interspersed with softer, smoother lines. The dark mass sheltered in shadow became JD's tousled hair. The odd outcrop was one booted foot, dangling over the edge of the narrow ledge that had stopped JD's descent. And the faint sparkle that caught his eye was the battered silver star pinned behind a jacket lapel, inexplicably exposed to light when JD came to a rest.
Buck was torn between riding for town and the help he knew he would find there; and climbing down to JD. He certainly couldn't get JD home by himself, but he had no way to keep JD on the ledge and the ledge on the cliff-face. In both scenarios, he firmly avoided noting that JD had yet to move.
The light was dying in the west, and that made Buck's decision for him. It would be a cold night, he couldn't leave JD alone. Not hurt and scared. If the kid woke up, there was nothing to stop him from accidentally completing his aborted journey.
Buck began rapidly planning a trail that would bring him to the ledge as quickly as possible.
As quickly as possible turned out to be excruciatingly slow. Buck was not a small man by any measure. He had to test each hand and foot hold he used carefully. The last thing he wanted to do was fall, or--heaven forbid--knock anymore debris down on JD.
Bruised fingers throbbed with exertion, but Buck held on. His focus stayed on the still figure beneath him, pushing out all room for discomfort on his part. Even so, that didn't stop Buck's limbs from trembling as he finally lowered himself onto the ledge.
The rough stone overhang was less than a stride wide, and maybe four long. Buck pointedly ignored the way the edges tended to crumble each time he moved. Watching the platform shrink wouldn't help JD. Buck would just have to be careful.
Once he knew he could actually reach JD without collapsing the whole thing, Buck wasted no time in making it to the frighteningly still young man. He almost couldn't bring himself to check for a pulse. If he'd come all this way, only to lose JD. . .
Choking back the thought, Buck placed careful fingers at JD's throat before he could lose his nerve.
He was rewarded with a strong, steady throbbing almost at once. Buck drew his hand away from JD's neck to brush at his hair, disturbing the blanketing dust that lent JD the gray look of a statue. An ugly bruise lurked under JD's unruly hair. The boy flinched when Buck's fingers ghosted across it.
Satisfied that JD was still with him, Buck quickly began clearing both the ledge and JD of loose rocks. Once he had a level area cleared, Buck prepared for what would come next.
He knew that you shouldn't move someone who might have hurt their back or neck. Nathan had drilled that into them all again and again. But, Buck also figured that the stone would be more solid where the outcropping was buttressed up against the cliff. It did no good to keep JD still, if he tumbled free in the night.
Checking JD more thoroughly for additional injuries and finding nothing of consequence, Buck sat with his back to a rough corner and pulled JD to him. As if the earth too shared in Buck's fear of inflicting further pain, the sun dropped behind the horizon, washing the landscape in shadows.
Buck shivered and settled in for a long night. He didn't mean to sleep, but the climb caught up with him. Heavy eyelids drifted shut, intending only for a moments rest.
When he forced them open again, the pale moon was high in the sky. Cold, hard light gave the landscape an eerie luminescence. The wind had picked up and the rock beneath him was frigid. At odds with his surroundings, JD seemed to burn with an inner fire. Buck cradled him closer, trying to offer what comfort he could.
With a guilty flush, Buck realized he was taking pleasure in the embrace. His mind was noticing things it had no call to. Like the silky hair that brushed across his cheek each time JD moved. Or the sturdy muscles that lurked beneath the smooth lines of boyhood barely escaped.
Buck shifted, trying furiously to put those thoughts from his mind. There wasn't much else to occupy his mind--and none of it very pleasant. The crumbling ledge they were huddled on was held up by more prayer than anything. Any thought of rescue seemed a dim possibility--made dimmer still by the realization that no one knew where they were, or that they needed help.
The rock digging into his back was suddenly insistent. Buck squirmed, trying to relieve the pressure against his spine. As his foot fought for purchase to give him leverage, the edge deteriorated.
Buck held his breath, reflexively tightening his hold on JD. He drew the unconscious boy even further into a protective embrace. Long forgotten prayers leapt readily to Buck's mouth. The sound lost to the harsh wind as soon as the words crossed his lips.
JD moaned in soft protest as Buck tried to re-secure their position, his movements jarring JD. For one achingly brief moment, Buck let himself believe that it was him JD cried out for. Not comfort against pain. Not warmth against the biting wind. But *him.*
Buck forced himself to relax against the vertical face of rock behind him. Moving only seemed to make things worse. He let his mind follow the cliff to the top, trying to ignoring the way JD clung to him. There were handholds in the rock. It wouldn't be a very hard climb at all if they were healthy. But with JD injured it was as good as impossible. It simply didn't occur to Buck to leave the kid behind. If he left for help, Buck knew he would return without a soul.
JD was as much his lifeline, as he was JD's. The kid completed him in a way that Buck couldn't even begin to understand. He brought a light and an innocence to life that Buck had long ago lost to the dark. When he was with JD, Buck's laughter wasn't to keep people at arms length even as he embraced them.
Laughter was something they'd shared from the beginning. Well, technically Buck had been laughing *at* a less than amused JD. But still. . . He'd give anything to hear the kid laugh again. Hell, he'd even settle for that godawful joke about the three legged dog.
Or his name. Buck would be happy just to have JD wake with his name on his lips. "C'mon kid," he whispered softly against JD's coal black hair, "wake up for me." JD didn't answer, but Buck hadn't really been expecting him to.
With gentle fingers, he tried to check JD's injuries again. but with limited motion, it was an empty effort. Eventually, he gave up on the pretense and sat there absorbed in thought as his fingers caressed JD's hair.
His mind drifted without permission, or thought for comfort and propriety. Buck never let himself become overly concerned with what polite society thought about anything, but he knew too well the stigma of what his soul was telling him to pursue. He understood the risks, even accepted them.
But JD. . .
JD was just a kid. No matter how well he handled himself in a gunfight; or the odd flashes of the level headed man he would become, the fact remained that JD didn't have a clue how the real world worked.
Everything was still one big adventure to him. Maybe not a dime novel anymore, but still something larger than life. He hadn't taken a long look at how man treated one and other.
Buck had. He wouldn't ask JD to expose himself to that kind of hate. Couldn't. He didn't have the right.
"bu--ck. . . " The word was sighed so softly, Buck thought he had imagined it. That the sharp longing which twisted his gut was bending his reality.
He might have imagined the words, but the pain-clouded hazel eyes that were doggedly forcing their way open were real. "Easy, JD," he whispered softly. It took all of his self-control to keep from whooping in joy, but Buck held back knowing the kid would have one hell of a headache.
Buck held his breath as JD tried to push himself upright. Half of him was proud and relieved that the kid was still seeking independence. The other half felt hurt that JD wasn't content to stay in Buck's embrace.
A hissing intake of air pulled Buck away from his thoughts. JD's face had gone gray, his breaths were labored and drawn through tightly clenched teeth. The kid seemed to waver, and that was all the incentive Buck needed.
JD didn't fight as Buck gently pulled him back into a reclining position. He just squeezed his eyes shut, trying to ride out wave after wave of stabbing agony. Buck gently wiped away the tears of pain that spilled from JD's eyes. As carefully as he could, Buck cradled JD, trying to ease the distressed younger man's breathing while keeping a watchful eye on the lip of their sanctuary.
Eventually, the shuddering sobs gave way to a tightly controlled, more even breathing pattern. Buck could feel JD slowly unknotting as the surprise and panic wore off. JD's hand finally released the death grip it had on the material of Buck's shirt.
Buck noticed with a warm thrill that JD made no effort to move his hand from where it rested over his heart. Nor did he try to sit up again. He seemed content to stay where he was, his head resting against Buck's chest as the older man caressed his hair in a mesmerizing rhythm.
There was something JD should remember about this, something they'd been discussing. . . JD couldn't quite hold the thoughts together, so he let them drift away.
When he'd regained some measure of control, JD opened his eyes again. Wetting his lips, JD tried speaking again. "What happened?" he rasped, the words scratching over his dry throat.
"Shhhh." Buck hushed him, pressing a finger to JD's lips. "You were just trying to prove you could fly, again," he said. Absently he realized that he was tracing JD's lips lightly. He jerked his hand away as though burned, coughing to cover the action.
"Oh," JD sighed, as if that made everything perfectly clear. He closed his eyes and let his head rest against leadenly against Buck's shoulder.
Buck stared down at him for a long time while JD's breathing slipped back into the even patterns of sleep. The moon was beginning to set, but still had the strength to wash JD features in unworldly light.
Small lines of pain marred the illusion of peaceful sleep, and JD's lips parted as he moaned at some discomfort. Buck was captivated by the soft mouth. He wondered if JD had ever been kissed.
Really kissed.
The kind of searing passion that branded both heart and soul.
The kind of kiss that Buck could almost taste as he watched over JD's still form.
He couldn't help himself. Dream-like he leaned forward. Buck's heart was pounding ferociously, the world narrowing into a tight focus. JD's warm breath caressed Buck's lips. The fragile touch left his lips tingling.
Buck closed his eyes and abruptly changed his target. The kiss he placed on JD's forehead was a silent offering. Buck gave JD his protection, loyalty, love. . . soul. All without the young man's awareness or acceptance. Until JD gave both, Buck had no right to anything more.
Resting JD's head against the hollow of his neck, Buck closed his eyes and drifted off. For one night, he would sleep in the arms of his love. The rest of the world would keep until the morning.
It didn't keep for long. Soon, far too soon, the first creeping rays of sunlight crept across the desert floor. The warm tendrils of liquid gold promised a hot day. Forewarned of the impending heat, the inhabitants of the desert began moving early and as little as possible.
The new threat posed by the waking sun was not lost on one of the two interlopers. When the first light penetrated the cold shadows of the cliff, Buck was already wide awake and planning an ascent.
Getting JD back up to the trail was Buck's first concern. He refused to leave the kid behind, even for the short time it would take him to reach the top. Too much could happen in that span of time.
The second major problem Buck was facing, came in the form of the entirely too cheerful sun. The heat could sap precious energy from a man in top shape, and after the night before--neither Buck or JD had any strength to spare.
He hated to disturb JD, especially when Buck knew he was calling JD back to a lot of pain. Giving into a self-indulgent whim, Buck held off for a second to study the young sheriff.
By the morning light, the bruise that disappeared into his hair was obscenely vibrant against pale, dirty skin. Buck traced the trails JD's tears of pain had cut through the dust on his cheeks.
It hurt Buck to realize every single tear that fell during the previous night, and those that might fall over the course of the coming day, was his fault.
Pulling himself from his thoughts, Buck gently shook JD's shoulder. He winced in sympathy as JD flinched under his touch. "Come on, JD. Time to get up and go home."
JD woke slowly, blinking groggily at Buck several times as he tried to reconcile his memories with what he was seeing. "Buck?" he asked, squinting up at the other man.
Buck was beyond relieved to see that despite moving slowly, JD's eyes were both clear and in focus. "Take it east there, Kid. You had a bad tumble last night. But we're going home now."
JD groaned as Buck helped him sit up. His back felt as though someone had made it their personal mission to turn every bone in his body into jelly. And once they'd finished there, they had started in on his head.
Finally he looked up at a hovering Buck. Silently he studied the big gunman, then the rockwall that rose above them. Turning his dark eyes back to Buck, he asked, "How are we doing that?"
"We'll climb," Buck told him as though it should have been obvious. "Don't worry, I'll help you."
JD shook his head. "You'd better go. I don't think I'll be able to make it."
"It's gonna get hot, JD. I can't just leave you here," Buck's tone left no room for argument.
"I just want to go back to sleep," JD insisted just as stubbornly.
Buck set his hand on JD's shoulder intending to lend the younger man strength and moral support. The sharp cry of surprised pain scared Buck, who dropped to JD's side with a heavy thud that sent large chunks of their ledge plummeting to the ground below.
"What is it? Oh, God," Buck was frantic. Terrified and sick that he had caused JD more pain, he wanted nothing more than to fix things somehow. Fresh tears streaking JD's face did nothing to reassure Buck.
"M-my--shoul--der," JD managed to gasp out.
"Okay. It's okay. We'll get you to Nathan."
JD shook his head. "Bring--Nathan--here.--Please.--Don'-- wanna--hurt." Each word rushed out in a forced gasp."
"JD, I can't leave you here." Buck was adamant.
"Why?"
Buck blanched at the question. He was suddenly mid-way through the conversation he'd been trying to have for months, and had no idea what to say. "Because. . . 'cause I. . . Aw, hell. JD, I--"
"Buck? JD?"
Buck nearly swore as a familiar Texan drawl drifted over the edge of the cliff. He turned back to JD, determine to finish his confession. Something in JD's expression made him stop.
The kid was gray, pain etched deeply across his features. This wasn't the right time. "It's okay, Kid," he whispered.
Standing up, he hollered back. "We're down here! Where's Nathan?"
Vin's slouch hat broke the rim of the cliff. "He's further down the trail. I'll go get him." He thought about it for a moment. "And some ropes."
As Vin disappeared again, Buck turned back to JD. Hazel eyes had opened again. "What were you sayin'?" he asked softly.
"It was nothin', kid," Buck lied. "Somethin' that'll keep for another day."
Fandom: Mag 7 - OW
Character(s): JD, Buck
Ratings: G, slashy in a particularly chaste kind of way
Length: 3,740
Disclaimer: Any thoughts I ever entertained of owning the boys were immediately killed by the realization that I could never afford to feed, clothe, and bandage all seven of them. Plus, where would I keep them? And then there's the cost of repairing the bullet holes in the walls... I'll settle for taking them out to play once in a while.
Old, old story rescued from Geocities, though I wonder if it mightn't be kinder to let this one go.
"God. Would you look at that?" JD's voice was hushed, as if speaking loudly was sin enough to shatter the sweeping panorama that spread beneath his feet.
"Yeah. It's amazin'," Buck agreed, but his eyes weren't on the view.
JD turned from his vantage point higher on the faint trail. His face was flushed from the climb. "I told you it was worth the hike," he said, triumphantly.
"Yeah, Kid. It was worth it," Buck said, brushing past JD.
JD frowned, puzzled by Buck's mood. The normally exuberant scoundrel had been withdrawn for weeks now, and--if JD didn't know better, he would swear Buck had been avoiding him. Trading patrols so they hardly ever rode together, making up one excuse after another. Each one by itself was completely innocent, but trailed together. . . JD was starting to see a pattern.
Buck had even tried to get out of this patrol with him, offering to make a prisoner run to Eagle Bend in Ezra's place. The southerner had nearly pounced on the offer, but Chris had killed the negotiations with a puzzled glare in Buck's direction.
The pleasure JD had drawn from their detour drained away as he realized he must have done something to anger his friend.
Try as he might, JD couldn't come up with anything that he'd done wrong lately. There was that dust-up in the Saloon two weeks ago when Buck had nearly come unglued over JD's approach to manhandling a trail-hand much larger than himself. But that was nothing new. Buck was always on him over one thing or another.
With a frustrated sigh, JD decided that the only way he was going to get any answers was to go directly to the source. Unfortunately, getting answers from a moody Buck was every bit as much fun as prodding a grizzly with a toothache.
*Actually, * he decided a second later, *the grizzly would probably be more fun.* Running through his defenses, excuses, and explanations, JD squared his shoulders and started to pick his way carefully up the steep rock wall.
JD found Buck seated on a rock not a dozen yards around the next twist in the trail. The large man had such a torn expression on his face that JD suddenly felt like an intruder. He held back for a moment, wondering if he had missed something that was seriously wrong with Buck.
"Buck," he said, as he pulled himself up to the same level.
The dark-haired man turned toward him slowly, a tightly controlled set to his features that would have been appropriate on Chris or Ezra, but not Buck. Never Buck.
"What's wrong?" JD asked when Buck didn't offer any further acknowledgment.
"Nothin' kid," Buck said in a tone that warned JD to leave things alone.
Concern for his friend made JD ignore the warning. "Come on, Buck. I'm not stupid. Somethin's botherin' you."
"I said it was nothin'." Buck didn't exactly growl, but it was enough to make JD take a half-step back.
He shored up his courage and tried again. "Whatever it is, you can tell me. Maybe I can help. We're friends right?"
"Yeah. Friends," Buck's voice was ragged as it scraped across the last word.
JD caught longing, loathing and something entirely alien in the short tones. Startled by the intense emotions, he backed up another step. "I don't. . ." He stopped, frowning in confusion.
"Forget it," Buck said, his shoulders sagging.
"Buck. . ." JD started, suddenly feeling as though he had let Buck down in some way.
Buck stood, his face dark. "Goddamnit, JD. Leave it alone. If you weren't such a goddamned child, I'd--"
JD never heard what Buck would do. When Buck exploded, he backed off another step. The ancient rock beneath his feet gave way with a scraping noise.
As the world shifted violently around him, JD scrambled for purchase. He landed heavily, his shoulders and back absorbing most of the brutal blow. For a long moment he lay there, breathing heavily. Then with a sickening crack, the world plummeted again.
The last thing to penetrate the choking dust that proceeded the dark, was Buck's anguished voice calling out his name.
~`~ ~*~ ~`~
How could he be standing there when his heart had stopped? Buck knew it had stopped, because he felt the last soul wrenching convulsion it had given as he watched JD disappear into a rolling cloud of red dust.
He dropped to his knees as the newly formed rock edge, unconcerned by the possibility that the earth beneath his feet could easily give way beneath his weight. Frantically he searched the foot of the cliff, peering through the thick dust for a glimpse of the sight that he knew would kill him.
"God, JD," he whispered. "Oh, God. Please." An old sinner like himself didn't deserve divine intervention, but Buck sent one incoherent plea after another on behalf of the innocent he'd just destroyed.
The minutes drug on. One becoming two. Then three and four. A lifetime slipping away in the absence of one heartbeat. Buck stopped tracking the passage of time. It didn't matter anymore.
The air cleared and still no sign of JD.
With a heavy heart, Buck started to turn away. There was no way JD could have survived that fall. Buck needed to find him. Needed to take him home. Buck took a final, forlorn look over the scene that had cost him his soul.
Something mid-way down caught Buck's eye. A dull glimmer pushing valiantly through the thick coat of newly settled dirt. Buck strained to see. Slowly, rock shapes became interspersed with softer, smoother lines. The dark mass sheltered in shadow became JD's tousled hair. The odd outcrop was one booted foot, dangling over the edge of the narrow ledge that had stopped JD's descent. And the faint sparkle that caught his eye was the battered silver star pinned behind a jacket lapel, inexplicably exposed to light when JD came to a rest.
Buck was torn between riding for town and the help he knew he would find there; and climbing down to JD. He certainly couldn't get JD home by himself, but he had no way to keep JD on the ledge and the ledge on the cliff-face. In both scenarios, he firmly avoided noting that JD had yet to move.
The light was dying in the west, and that made Buck's decision for him. It would be a cold night, he couldn't leave JD alone. Not hurt and scared. If the kid woke up, there was nothing to stop him from accidentally completing his aborted journey.
Buck began rapidly planning a trail that would bring him to the ledge as quickly as possible.
As quickly as possible turned out to be excruciatingly slow. Buck was not a small man by any measure. He had to test each hand and foot hold he used carefully. The last thing he wanted to do was fall, or--heaven forbid--knock anymore debris down on JD.
Bruised fingers throbbed with exertion, but Buck held on. His focus stayed on the still figure beneath him, pushing out all room for discomfort on his part. Even so, that didn't stop Buck's limbs from trembling as he finally lowered himself onto the ledge.
The rough stone overhang was less than a stride wide, and maybe four long. Buck pointedly ignored the way the edges tended to crumble each time he moved. Watching the platform shrink wouldn't help JD. Buck would just have to be careful.
Once he knew he could actually reach JD without collapsing the whole thing, Buck wasted no time in making it to the frighteningly still young man. He almost couldn't bring himself to check for a pulse. If he'd come all this way, only to lose JD. . .
Choking back the thought, Buck placed careful fingers at JD's throat before he could lose his nerve.
He was rewarded with a strong, steady throbbing almost at once. Buck drew his hand away from JD's neck to brush at his hair, disturbing the blanketing dust that lent JD the gray look of a statue. An ugly bruise lurked under JD's unruly hair. The boy flinched when Buck's fingers ghosted across it.
Satisfied that JD was still with him, Buck quickly began clearing both the ledge and JD of loose rocks. Once he had a level area cleared, Buck prepared for what would come next.
He knew that you shouldn't move someone who might have hurt their back or neck. Nathan had drilled that into them all again and again. But, Buck also figured that the stone would be more solid where the outcropping was buttressed up against the cliff. It did no good to keep JD still, if he tumbled free in the night.
Checking JD more thoroughly for additional injuries and finding nothing of consequence, Buck sat with his back to a rough corner and pulled JD to him. As if the earth too shared in Buck's fear of inflicting further pain, the sun dropped behind the horizon, washing the landscape in shadows.
Buck shivered and settled in for a long night. He didn't mean to sleep, but the climb caught up with him. Heavy eyelids drifted shut, intending only for a moments rest.
When he forced them open again, the pale moon was high in the sky. Cold, hard light gave the landscape an eerie luminescence. The wind had picked up and the rock beneath him was frigid. At odds with his surroundings, JD seemed to burn with an inner fire. Buck cradled him closer, trying to offer what comfort he could.
With a guilty flush, Buck realized he was taking pleasure in the embrace. His mind was noticing things it had no call to. Like the silky hair that brushed across his cheek each time JD moved. Or the sturdy muscles that lurked beneath the smooth lines of boyhood barely escaped.
Buck shifted, trying furiously to put those thoughts from his mind. There wasn't much else to occupy his mind--and none of it very pleasant. The crumbling ledge they were huddled on was held up by more prayer than anything. Any thought of rescue seemed a dim possibility--made dimmer still by the realization that no one knew where they were, or that they needed help.
The rock digging into his back was suddenly insistent. Buck squirmed, trying to relieve the pressure against his spine. As his foot fought for purchase to give him leverage, the edge deteriorated.
Buck held his breath, reflexively tightening his hold on JD. He drew the unconscious boy even further into a protective embrace. Long forgotten prayers leapt readily to Buck's mouth. The sound lost to the harsh wind as soon as the words crossed his lips.
JD moaned in soft protest as Buck tried to re-secure their position, his movements jarring JD. For one achingly brief moment, Buck let himself believe that it was him JD cried out for. Not comfort against pain. Not warmth against the biting wind. But *him.*
Buck forced himself to relax against the vertical face of rock behind him. Moving only seemed to make things worse. He let his mind follow the cliff to the top, trying to ignoring the way JD clung to him. There were handholds in the rock. It wouldn't be a very hard climb at all if they were healthy. But with JD injured it was as good as impossible. It simply didn't occur to Buck to leave the kid behind. If he left for help, Buck knew he would return without a soul.
JD was as much his lifeline, as he was JD's. The kid completed him in a way that Buck couldn't even begin to understand. He brought a light and an innocence to life that Buck had long ago lost to the dark. When he was with JD, Buck's laughter wasn't to keep people at arms length even as he embraced them.
Laughter was something they'd shared from the beginning. Well, technically Buck had been laughing *at* a less than amused JD. But still. . . He'd give anything to hear the kid laugh again. Hell, he'd even settle for that godawful joke about the three legged dog.
Or his name. Buck would be happy just to have JD wake with his name on his lips. "C'mon kid," he whispered softly against JD's coal black hair, "wake up for me." JD didn't answer, but Buck hadn't really been expecting him to.
With gentle fingers, he tried to check JD's injuries again. but with limited motion, it was an empty effort. Eventually, he gave up on the pretense and sat there absorbed in thought as his fingers caressed JD's hair.
His mind drifted without permission, or thought for comfort and propriety. Buck never let himself become overly concerned with what polite society thought about anything, but he knew too well the stigma of what his soul was telling him to pursue. He understood the risks, even accepted them.
But JD. . .
JD was just a kid. No matter how well he handled himself in a gunfight; or the odd flashes of the level headed man he would become, the fact remained that JD didn't have a clue how the real world worked.
Everything was still one big adventure to him. Maybe not a dime novel anymore, but still something larger than life. He hadn't taken a long look at how man treated one and other.
Buck had. He wouldn't ask JD to expose himself to that kind of hate. Couldn't. He didn't have the right.
"bu--ck. . . " The word was sighed so softly, Buck thought he had imagined it. That the sharp longing which twisted his gut was bending his reality.
He might have imagined the words, but the pain-clouded hazel eyes that were doggedly forcing their way open were real. "Easy, JD," he whispered softly. It took all of his self-control to keep from whooping in joy, but Buck held back knowing the kid would have one hell of a headache.
Buck held his breath as JD tried to push himself upright. Half of him was proud and relieved that the kid was still seeking independence. The other half felt hurt that JD wasn't content to stay in Buck's embrace.
A hissing intake of air pulled Buck away from his thoughts. JD's face had gone gray, his breaths were labored and drawn through tightly clenched teeth. The kid seemed to waver, and that was all the incentive Buck needed.
JD didn't fight as Buck gently pulled him back into a reclining position. He just squeezed his eyes shut, trying to ride out wave after wave of stabbing agony. Buck gently wiped away the tears of pain that spilled from JD's eyes. As carefully as he could, Buck cradled JD, trying to ease the distressed younger man's breathing while keeping a watchful eye on the lip of their sanctuary.
Eventually, the shuddering sobs gave way to a tightly controlled, more even breathing pattern. Buck could feel JD slowly unknotting as the surprise and panic wore off. JD's hand finally released the death grip it had on the material of Buck's shirt.
Buck noticed with a warm thrill that JD made no effort to move his hand from where it rested over his heart. Nor did he try to sit up again. He seemed content to stay where he was, his head resting against Buck's chest as the older man caressed his hair in a mesmerizing rhythm.
There was something JD should remember about this, something they'd been discussing. . . JD couldn't quite hold the thoughts together, so he let them drift away.
When he'd regained some measure of control, JD opened his eyes again. Wetting his lips, JD tried speaking again. "What happened?" he rasped, the words scratching over his dry throat.
"Shhhh." Buck hushed him, pressing a finger to JD's lips. "You were just trying to prove you could fly, again," he said. Absently he realized that he was tracing JD's lips lightly. He jerked his hand away as though burned, coughing to cover the action.
"Oh," JD sighed, as if that made everything perfectly clear. He closed his eyes and let his head rest against leadenly against Buck's shoulder.
Buck stared down at him for a long time while JD's breathing slipped back into the even patterns of sleep. The moon was beginning to set, but still had the strength to wash JD features in unworldly light.
Small lines of pain marred the illusion of peaceful sleep, and JD's lips parted as he moaned at some discomfort. Buck was captivated by the soft mouth. He wondered if JD had ever been kissed.
Really kissed.
The kind of searing passion that branded both heart and soul.
The kind of kiss that Buck could almost taste as he watched over JD's still form.
He couldn't help himself. Dream-like he leaned forward. Buck's heart was pounding ferociously, the world narrowing into a tight focus. JD's warm breath caressed Buck's lips. The fragile touch left his lips tingling.
Buck closed his eyes and abruptly changed his target. The kiss he placed on JD's forehead was a silent offering. Buck gave JD his protection, loyalty, love. . . soul. All without the young man's awareness or acceptance. Until JD gave both, Buck had no right to anything more.
Resting JD's head against the hollow of his neck, Buck closed his eyes and drifted off. For one night, he would sleep in the arms of his love. The rest of the world would keep until the morning.
It didn't keep for long. Soon, far too soon, the first creeping rays of sunlight crept across the desert floor. The warm tendrils of liquid gold promised a hot day. Forewarned of the impending heat, the inhabitants of the desert began moving early and as little as possible.
The new threat posed by the waking sun was not lost on one of the two interlopers. When the first light penetrated the cold shadows of the cliff, Buck was already wide awake and planning an ascent.
Getting JD back up to the trail was Buck's first concern. He refused to leave the kid behind, even for the short time it would take him to reach the top. Too much could happen in that span of time.
The second major problem Buck was facing, came in the form of the entirely too cheerful sun. The heat could sap precious energy from a man in top shape, and after the night before--neither Buck or JD had any strength to spare.
He hated to disturb JD, especially when Buck knew he was calling JD back to a lot of pain. Giving into a self-indulgent whim, Buck held off for a second to study the young sheriff.
By the morning light, the bruise that disappeared into his hair was obscenely vibrant against pale, dirty skin. Buck traced the trails JD's tears of pain had cut through the dust on his cheeks.
It hurt Buck to realize every single tear that fell during the previous night, and those that might fall over the course of the coming day, was his fault.
Pulling himself from his thoughts, Buck gently shook JD's shoulder. He winced in sympathy as JD flinched under his touch. "Come on, JD. Time to get up and go home."
JD woke slowly, blinking groggily at Buck several times as he tried to reconcile his memories with what he was seeing. "Buck?" he asked, squinting up at the other man.
Buck was beyond relieved to see that despite moving slowly, JD's eyes were both clear and in focus. "Take it east there, Kid. You had a bad tumble last night. But we're going home now."
JD groaned as Buck helped him sit up. His back felt as though someone had made it their personal mission to turn every bone in his body into jelly. And once they'd finished there, they had started in on his head.
Finally he looked up at a hovering Buck. Silently he studied the big gunman, then the rockwall that rose above them. Turning his dark eyes back to Buck, he asked, "How are we doing that?"
"We'll climb," Buck told him as though it should have been obvious. "Don't worry, I'll help you."
JD shook his head. "You'd better go. I don't think I'll be able to make it."
"It's gonna get hot, JD. I can't just leave you here," Buck's tone left no room for argument.
"I just want to go back to sleep," JD insisted just as stubbornly.
Buck set his hand on JD's shoulder intending to lend the younger man strength and moral support. The sharp cry of surprised pain scared Buck, who dropped to JD's side with a heavy thud that sent large chunks of their ledge plummeting to the ground below.
"What is it? Oh, God," Buck was frantic. Terrified and sick that he had caused JD more pain, he wanted nothing more than to fix things somehow. Fresh tears streaking JD's face did nothing to reassure Buck.
"M-my--shoul--der," JD managed to gasp out.
"Okay. It's okay. We'll get you to Nathan."
JD shook his head. "Bring--Nathan--here.--Please.--Don'-- wanna--hurt." Each word rushed out in a forced gasp."
"JD, I can't leave you here." Buck was adamant.
"Why?"
Buck blanched at the question. He was suddenly mid-way through the conversation he'd been trying to have for months, and had no idea what to say. "Because. . . 'cause I. . . Aw, hell. JD, I--"
"Buck? JD?"
Buck nearly swore as a familiar Texan drawl drifted over the edge of the cliff. He turned back to JD, determine to finish his confession. Something in JD's expression made him stop.
The kid was gray, pain etched deeply across his features. This wasn't the right time. "It's okay, Kid," he whispered.
Standing up, he hollered back. "We're down here! Where's Nathan?"
Vin's slouch hat broke the rim of the cliff. "He's further down the trail. I'll go get him." He thought about it for a moment. "And some ropes."
As Vin disappeared again, Buck turned back to JD. Hazel eyes had opened again. "What were you sayin'?" he asked softly.
"It was nothin', kid," Buck lied. "Somethin' that'll keep for another day."