(no subject)
Trashing my room all day. Trying to not have a panic attack today.
Unbelievably anxious. Ran out of money...ran out of birth control...my body is gonna hate itself until it balances out now, unless by some miracle I can acquire some more. But I doubt I can dig up $80 a month without a job.
Slowly losing my mind. I need to work. I need a job.
I need to get the fuck out of here.
I need to get the fuck out of here.
I don't remember the last time I was happy. I feel like my life is nothing but a series of shit storms and fuck ups..with moments of happiness and then they disappear after a short time. I'm almost used to being in pain and being treated like shit..so when something good comes along I am afraid of it and fuck it up...before it fucks me up.
These days..I'm just not myself. I am angry almost all of the time. I don't know what fun is...at all anymore.
I try to clean the house to get dad off my back...no one notices. Not even a thank you..then I do get a thank you...but it's a bullshit, monotone, meaningless, "I'm just gonna say thank you because that's what people have to say." I can't stand when people say things like "Thank you, I'm sorry, I love you, or I miss you"...when they don't really mean it.
You don't miss me.
You're not sorry.
You do not love me.
You don't know what love is.
And you are not thankful.
People say this SHIT everyday, and I KNOW they don't mean it. Where is it? Where's the thankfulness, the love, the longing, the sorrow...I've grown so FUCKING tired of people talking shit, and not meaning what they say or saying what they mean.
I don't believe anyone anymore. I don't even know if I believe myself.
HOLY FUCKING SLUMP.
no job
no money
no boyfriend
no education
no hobbies
barely any friends.
I am losing my mind. Losing it all.
And when I did have a job, It was "go to work, get treated like SHIT, go home get treated like SHIT...hang out with a guy, get treated like SHIT"
I'm tired of the bullshit. Tired of drama. Tired of everything and everyone.
Tired of fake people...
TIRED OF FUCKING FRIENDS WHO DARE CALL THEMSELVES MOTHERFUCKING FRIENDS AND THEY ARE NEVER FUCKING THERE FOR YOU, CALL YOU, THINK ABOUT YOU.
Get me out of this slump.
Unbelievably anxious. Ran out of money...ran out of birth control...my body is gonna hate itself until it balances out now, unless by some miracle I can acquire some more. But I doubt I can dig up $80 a month without a job.
Slowly losing my mind. I need to work. I need a job.
I need to get the fuck out of here.
I need to get the fuck out of here.
I don't remember the last time I was happy. I feel like my life is nothing but a series of shit storms and fuck ups..with moments of happiness and then they disappear after a short time. I'm almost used to being in pain and being treated like shit..so when something good comes along I am afraid of it and fuck it up...before it fucks me up.
These days..I'm just not myself. I am angry almost all of the time. I don't know what fun is...at all anymore.
I try to clean the house to get dad off my back...no one notices. Not even a thank you..then I do get a thank you...but it's a bullshit, monotone, meaningless, "I'm just gonna say thank you because that's what people have to say." I can't stand when people say things like "Thank you, I'm sorry, I love you, or I miss you"...when they don't really mean it.
You don't miss me.
You're not sorry.
You do not love me.
You don't know what love is.
And you are not thankful.
People say this SHIT everyday, and I KNOW they don't mean it. Where is it? Where's the thankfulness, the love, the longing, the sorrow...I've grown so FUCKING tired of people talking shit, and not meaning what they say or saying what they mean.
I don't believe anyone anymore. I don't even know if I believe myself.
HOLY FUCKING SLUMP.
no job
no money
no boyfriend
no education
no hobbies
barely any friends.
I am losing my mind. Losing it all.
And when I did have a job, It was "go to work, get treated like SHIT, go home get treated like SHIT...hang out with a guy, get treated like SHIT"
I'm tired of the bullshit. Tired of drama. Tired of everything and everyone.
Tired of fake people...
TIRED OF FUCKING FRIENDS WHO DARE CALL THEMSELVES MOTHERFUCKING FRIENDS AND THEY ARE NEVER FUCKING THERE FOR YOU, CALL YOU, THINK ABOUT YOU.
Get me out of this slump.