The Secret Life
I've been here so rarely over the past almost 2 years...
Last night I met angstzeit here in humble Austin, and it made me think of the years before, where this forum was my outlet, and all of the lovely people I've met over the years my ersatz sounding board. (it was awesome, btw, finally meeting an LJ friend in real life!)
What happened? So much, too much, perhaps.
Life has led me down such a path that my head, it spins a bit.
The buying a house, despite reservations, the starting an ill-advised business venture with an ill-advised partner...the sense of unease billowing in my belly like an unanswered question that just keeps getting pushed under the rug, lurking. These 2 years have been a challenge, but for all the wrong reasons.
And now, the having walked away from the house, from the business, from the life I no longer felt comfortable occupying, into the arms of a woman I am madly in love with, into the clutches of a love I could not have imagined or dreamed... I'm displaced, ill at ease in some sense, and yet have never been happier.
It's all strange and winding and inexplicable and lovely. Just lovely.
I don't know if I have any friends here anymore, having shut the door behind me and not come back to visit like I said I would.
I Wish I could honor this space better, but the life outside, the life beneath my nose has been so overwhelming there is simply nothing I could have done different. It's been quite the ride.
And I'm back, at least for the moment, to explain in my shoddy little way that it's been busymaking and happymaking and crazymaking that's kept me away, and that there is no lack of love and respect and in no small measure, gratitude I owe this place and people for holding me aloft during some of the most trying times of my little, tiny life.
Thank you.
~Francesca
Last night I met angstzeit here in humble Austin, and it made me think of the years before, where this forum was my outlet, and all of the lovely people I've met over the years my ersatz sounding board. (it was awesome, btw, finally meeting an LJ friend in real life!)
What happened? So much, too much, perhaps.
Life has led me down such a path that my head, it spins a bit.
The buying a house, despite reservations, the starting an ill-advised business venture with an ill-advised partner...the sense of unease billowing in my belly like an unanswered question that just keeps getting pushed under the rug, lurking. These 2 years have been a challenge, but for all the wrong reasons.
And now, the having walked away from the house, from the business, from the life I no longer felt comfortable occupying, into the arms of a woman I am madly in love with, into the clutches of a love I could not have imagined or dreamed... I'm displaced, ill at ease in some sense, and yet have never been happier.
It's all strange and winding and inexplicable and lovely. Just lovely.
I don't know if I have any friends here anymore, having shut the door behind me and not come back to visit like I said I would.
I Wish I could honor this space better, but the life outside, the life beneath my nose has been so overwhelming there is simply nothing I could have done different. It's been quite the ride.
And I'm back, at least for the moment, to explain in my shoddy little way that it's been busymaking and happymaking and crazymaking that's kept me away, and that there is no lack of love and respect and in no small measure, gratitude I owe this place and people for holding me aloft during some of the most trying times of my little, tiny life.
Thank you.
~Francesca