We-ell... I think the kind of changes you're talking about come from the inside and they also come about gradually. Sure, you can go somewhere and pretend, but it takes a personal step, a leap of faith if you will, and a lot of repetition to make something a permanent change instead of a pretense.
When I look back at the things I've done and the ways I've acted in the past, I realize that a lot of those actions were the result of fear. They might not have felt like it at the time, but in retrospect I can see it. This could be something that anyone can say, I can only speak for myself. I was very, very shy growing up, or at least I felt like I was very very shy. Around about the time I went to college, I started rebelling against being so shy. I doubt I was ever the life of the party or anything, but I did make conscious decisions to try new things and do things differently. OK, so college, everyone does that to a degree. It's where we get to be on our own for the first time, most of us. But even after that, I kept pushing myself out of my own comfort zone. Tried new things, new ways of doing things. I wasn't always successful, but I did learn (through repetition and so many attempts) that staying put is just being stuck, and I haven't ever wanted to be stuck.
So this is what I do: I push myself to do things I otherwise wouldn't do. This is how I change myself in fundamental ways. I might not like what I'm doing at first, but I keep doing it until I convince myself that I'm either on the right track or the wrong one. If it's the wrong one -- if it just feels completely wrong -- I'll give it up. But if it feels right, that means every step I take leaves me feeling more accomplished.
Of course I slip. Of course I make mistakes. Who doesn't.
At heart, I think making any sort of viable change is like standing on a dock on a hot summer day knowing that you're going to jump into that lake, leeches and all, the moment you can't stand not to any more. We can't change our habits and reactions to situations without changing the things we do about those situations. Form follows function, always. So instead of saying "I want to be less emotional about XYZ," you might want to retool the question into "what do I need to do so that my natural reaction to XYZ is to feel less emotional about its outcome?"
Different way of looking at things, of weighing checks and balances. Your Libra moon should resonate with that one!
When I look back at the things I've done and the ways I've acted in the past, I realize that a lot of those actions were the result of fear. They might not have felt like it at the time, but in retrospect I can see it. This could be something that anyone can say, I can only speak for myself. I was very, very shy growing up, or at least I felt like I was very very shy. Around about the time I went to college, I started rebelling against being so shy. I doubt I was ever the life of the party or anything, but I did make conscious decisions to try new things and do things differently. OK, so college, everyone does that to a degree. It's where we get to be on our own for the first time, most of us. But even after that, I kept pushing myself out of my own comfort zone. Tried new things, new ways of doing things. I wasn't always successful, but I did learn (through repetition and so many attempts) that staying put is just being stuck, and I haven't ever wanted to be stuck.
So this is what I do: I push myself to do things I otherwise wouldn't do. This is how I change myself in fundamental ways. I might not like what I'm doing at first, but I keep doing it until I convince myself that I'm either on the right track or the wrong one. If it's the wrong one -- if it just feels completely wrong -- I'll give it up. But if it feels right, that means every step I take leaves me feeling more accomplished.
Of course I slip. Of course I make mistakes. Who doesn't.
At heart, I think making any sort of viable change is like standing on a dock on a hot summer day knowing that you're going to jump into that lake, leeches and all, the moment you can't stand not to any more. We can't change our habits and reactions to situations without changing the things we do about those situations. Form follows function, always. So instead of saying "I want to be less emotional about XYZ," you might want to retool the question into "what do I need to do so that my natural reaction to XYZ is to feel less emotional about its outcome?"
Different way of looking at things, of weighing checks and balances. Your Libra moon should resonate with that one!
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