So. Conventional astrological wisdom says that your ascendant dictates your outward appearance and mannerisms, your sun sign dictates your inner or "true" personality, and your moon dictates your emotions. Of course there's going to be bleed if you will between all three, because each of those things informs the other. My Scorpio sun says if people are intimidated, that's their thing to deal with, not mine. My Gemini ascendant feels the need to explain it away before it gets distracted by -- oh, look, my kid's playing inFAMOUS 2, what a cool move Cole just made -- and my Pisces moon wants me to mellow out and try to understand everyone else's point of view.
In large parts of the world, the sun sign is considered relatively insignificant and it's the moon sign that's most important... or at least that's what an astrologer friend told me once upon a time. I happen to think that all these things are simply tools for refining our self-understanding. What we make of them is just that: what we make of them, and really, every single one of us has the power to remodel ourselves in whatever image we like best. C'mon, Scorpio has to give us at least that much in exchange for all that power to intimidate!
"I happen to think that all these things are simply tools for refining our self-understanding."
I really like that. That's why this whole thing (researching my chart and whatnot) has been so cool for me lately, and why I've been thinking about it so much. A lot of the descriptions I read about my Sign and other aspects have let me see facets of my personality in a completely different light.
"...every single one of us has the power to remodel ourselves in whatever image we like best."
Have you found that to be true? I never have, really, but maybe that's just how I feel sometimes. I feel like there are just some things about myself that I can't change, and every time I try it's just like I'm hiding behind something. I can control my behaviors and adjust my values (maybe that's what you meant?) but I can't change my nature or how I feel inside. But I guess that's the eternal debate, is how much of ourselves is just "our nature" and how much can we control?
I guess my real question(s), then, is(/are) why do I feel like I have control over so little? Is that normal? Do most people feel that way, or does it vary from person to person how much they can control? Or should I just be working harder? And why does it feel like I'm hating myself whenever I try to change?
Do I find it to be true? For myself, yes (I've talked myself in and out of a great number of things), and I've seen it in other people too. I believe in the concept of self-fulfilling prophecies: we tell ourselves we're a non-smoker and we become one. We tell ourselves we'll learn what we need to pass an exam and we do. But... there are physical limitations: we can't tell ourselves we'll wake up 5'9 and model-thin when we go to bed 5'3 and round. Still, it's something to want to work toward, at least the practical parts.
Your questions, though: they're good ones and of course I can't answer them because I don't have the proper training and I sure don't know you well enough. But I do know that asking is often the first step toward making any change. Maybe if you feel like you're hating yourself whenever you try to change, you want to take a look at what it is you're focusing on and ask yourself if those are the right things. If you hate how it makes you feel, maybe those things aren't what need to change at all.
These are good thoughts. And thanks so much for your thoughtful answers; this is why I love talking with you so much. ♥ It's just nice to have ponderings to add to my own ponderings.
If it's not too personal a question, can I ask for some examples of what things you felt were the "right things" to change in your life? Physical goals like quitting smoking and losing weight are the sort of changes I can make without feeling like I'm hating myself-- in fact, I'm looking forward to starting a diet and exercise routine when I get back to the States. I guess what I struggle with is more emotional changes... Habits, reactions to situations.
For example, I don't want to be a shy, quiet person-- or at least, it makes my life harder, almost constantly. But I can't change the fact that I get nervous talking to people and sometimes I'd rather not do it, I can't make my life and the things I say magically more interesting to others, and no matter what I will always feel exhausted after spending too much time socializing. I can pretend I'm not nervous around people, and employ various tactics I've heard over and over about "how to engage in good converstations" and all that jazz. But sometimes it doesn't feel like I'm being myself anymore.
Maybe that's strange? I know I shouldn't let myself not make any effort at all, but I guess I was wondering to what extent most people feel comfortable making effort before they feel like huge fakes. Because I kind of feel like one most of the time.
I suppose this is complicated by second-hand experience. I've seen friends go to great and painful lengths sometimes to change what sort of person they are. And even if the changes happen and seem to "help," often they seem really paranoid and unhappy afterwards. It's hard to see that when I already considered them my friend before they tried to change, and I wonder sometimes if it was really worth it. :/
We-ell... I think the kind of changes you're talking about come from the inside and they also come about gradually. Sure, you can go somewhere and pretend, but it takes a personal step, a leap of faith if you will, and a lot of repetition to make something a permanent change instead of a pretense.
When I look back at the things I've done and the ways I've acted in the past, I realize that a lot of those actions were the result of fear. They might not have felt like it at the time, but in retrospect I can see it. This could be something that anyone can say, I can only speak for myself. I was very, very shy growing up, or at least I felt like I was very very shy. Around about the time I went to college, I started rebelling against being so shy. I doubt I was ever the life of the party or anything, but I did make conscious decisions to try new things and do things differently. OK, so college, everyone does that to a degree. It's where we get to be on our own for the first time, most of us. But even after that, I kept pushing myself out of my own comfort zone. Tried new things, new ways of doing things. I wasn't always successful, but I did learn (through repetition and so many attempts) that staying put is just being stuck, and I haven't ever wanted to be stuck.
So this is what I do: I push myself to do things I otherwise wouldn't do. This is how I change myself in fundamental ways. I might not like what I'm doing at first, but I keep doing it until I convince myself that I'm either on the right track or the wrong one. If it's the wrong one -- if it just feels completely wrong -- I'll give it up. But if it feels right, that means every step I take leaves me feeling more accomplished.
Of course I slip. Of course I make mistakes. Who doesn't.
At heart, I think making any sort of viable change is like standing on a dock on a hot summer day knowing that you're going to jump into that lake, leeches and all, the moment you can't stand not to any more. We can't change our habits and reactions to situations without changing the things we do about those situations. Form follows function, always. So instead of saying "I want to be less emotional about XYZ," you might want to retool the question into "what do I need to do so that my natural reaction to XYZ is to feel less emotional about its outcome?"
Different way of looking at things, of weighing checks and balances. Your Libra moon should resonate with that one!
In large parts of the world, the sun sign is considered relatively insignificant and it's the moon sign that's most important... or at least that's what an astrologer friend told me once upon a time. I happen to think that all these things are simply tools for refining our self-understanding. What we make of them is just that: what we make of them, and really, every single one of us has the power to remodel ourselves in whatever image we like best. C'mon, Scorpio has to give us at least that much in exchange for all that power to intimidate!
Reply
I really like that. That's why this whole thing (researching my chart and whatnot) has been so cool for me lately, and why I've been thinking about it so much. A lot of the descriptions I read about my Sign and other aspects have let me see facets of my personality in a completely different light.
"...every single one of us has the power to remodel ourselves in whatever image we like best."
Have you found that to be true? I never have, really, but maybe that's just how I feel sometimes. I feel like there are just some things about myself that I can't change, and every time I try it's just like I'm hiding behind something. I can control my behaviors and adjust my values (maybe that's what you meant?) but I can't change my nature or how I feel inside. But I guess that's the eternal debate, is how much of ourselves is just "our nature" and how much can we control?
I guess my real question(s), then, is(/are) why do I feel like I have control over so little? Is that normal? Do most people feel that way, or does it vary from person to person how much they can control? Or should I just be working harder? And why does it feel like I'm hating myself whenever I try to change?
Reply
Your questions, though: they're good ones and of course I can't answer them because I don't have the proper training and I sure don't know you well enough. But I do know that asking is often the first step toward making any change. Maybe if you feel like you're hating yourself whenever you try to change, you want to take a look at what it is you're focusing on and ask yourself if those are the right things. If you hate how it makes you feel, maybe those things aren't what need to change at all.
Just thoughts.
Reply
If it's not too personal a question, can I ask for some examples of what things you felt were the "right things" to change in your life? Physical goals like quitting smoking and losing weight are the sort of changes I can make without feeling like I'm hating myself-- in fact, I'm looking forward to starting a diet and exercise routine when I get back to the States. I guess what I struggle with is more emotional changes... Habits, reactions to situations.
For example, I don't want to be a shy, quiet person-- or at least, it makes my life harder, almost constantly. But I can't change the fact that I get nervous talking to people and sometimes I'd rather not do it, I can't make my life and the things I say magically more interesting to others, and no matter what I will always feel exhausted after spending too much time socializing. I can pretend I'm not nervous around people, and employ various tactics I've heard over and over about "how to engage in good converstations" and all that jazz. But sometimes it doesn't feel like I'm being myself anymore.
Maybe that's strange? I know I shouldn't let myself not make any effort at all, but I guess I was wondering to what extent most people feel comfortable making effort before they feel like huge fakes. Because I kind of feel like one most of the time.
I suppose this is complicated by second-hand experience. I've seen friends go to great and painful lengths sometimes to change what sort of person they are. And even if the changes happen and seem to "help," often they seem really paranoid and unhappy afterwards. It's hard to see that when I already considered them my friend before they tried to change, and I wonder sometimes if it was really worth it. :/
Reply
When I look back at the things I've done and the ways I've acted in the past, I realize that a lot of those actions were the result of fear. They might not have felt like it at the time, but in retrospect I can see it. This could be something that anyone can say, I can only speak for myself. I was very, very shy growing up, or at least I felt like I was very very shy. Around about the time I went to college, I started rebelling against being so shy. I doubt I was ever the life of the party or anything, but I did make conscious decisions to try new things and do things differently. OK, so college, everyone does that to a degree. It's where we get to be on our own for the first time, most of us. But even after that, I kept pushing myself out of my own comfort zone. Tried new things, new ways of doing things. I wasn't always successful, but I did learn (through repetition and so many attempts) that staying put is just being stuck, and I haven't ever wanted to be stuck.
So this is what I do: I push myself to do things I otherwise wouldn't do. This is how I change myself in fundamental ways. I might not like what I'm doing at first, but I keep doing it until I convince myself that I'm either on the right track or the wrong one. If it's the wrong one -- if it just feels completely wrong -- I'll give it up. But if it feels right, that means every step I take leaves me feeling more accomplished.
Of course I slip. Of course I make mistakes. Who doesn't.
At heart, I think making any sort of viable change is like standing on a dock on a hot summer day knowing that you're going to jump into that lake, leeches and all, the moment you can't stand not to any more. We can't change our habits and reactions to situations without changing the things we do about those situations. Form follows function, always. So instead of saying "I want to be less emotional about XYZ," you might want to retool the question into "what do I need to do so that my natural reaction to XYZ is to feel less emotional about its outcome?"
Different way of looking at things, of weighing checks and balances. Your Libra moon should resonate with that one!
Reply
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