[ahoshi!] chapter 3: is this two-timing?
Harrooo. Here's a new update of 'ahoshi!'. Thank you to chaernotwasted, stillbirth_01, rain2night and hinathedark for commenting and supporting me thus far. :) Enjoy and please comment!
"-so I tell him as politely as possible that I've just hired someone, but then Reborn tells me 'he has priority'," I finished ranting.
I-Pin stared at me. "…and what do you want me to do about it?"
This slowed my tirade immediately. "I don't know. You tell me."
"You were stupid enough to get yourself into this situation. I'm not hauling your ass back out of it," she told me matter-of-factly, throwing another piece of popcorn into her mouth.
I grabbed the remote and smashed the crimson power button beneath my thumb. Blair Waldorf froze for a split second and then exploded into blackness as the power was suddenly cut.
"Diu lei, turn it back on," she snarled at me.
"But you've already seen that episode."
I managed to avoid a vicious uppercut and darted to the kitchen, pulling open a window. I dangled the remote control outside of it and every muscle in I-Pin's body came to a complete stop- a side-effect of the blind panic her natural self-preservation instincts had brought out.
I grinned at her, trying to hide the new bout of fear that had arisen within me. Maybe stealing the remote hadn't been one of my brightest ideas. When I-Pin's television time was threatened, she became a merciless bun-chomping beast with only one thought in her enraged mind: 'you know you love me, xoxo Gossip Girl.'
"Okay, look. I didn't want to have to do this, but you left me no choice," I told her as calmly as a person faced with a mindless savage could possibly manage.
"If you even think about dropping that remote, I'll break your mobile in half."
"My mobile's in my pocket, idiot."
"Shit. Well give it back anyways, or I'll tell Fuuta you were the one that clogged the toilet last month."
"Wait, that was you?"
"No, it was you!"
I sighed in exasperation and let my hand fall back at my side, remote control clutched in its grasp. "Look, you're my best friend. It's in the job description, you need to give me advice when I'm going through a tough time. You know I'd do the same for you."
"Before or after I blackmail you?"
"Yare, yare, there's no need to go into specifics at the moment."
She frowned at me. After a couple of minutes, she reluctantly sank into a seat at the kitchen table and propped her feet up on another stool beside it. "I'm actually on Reborn's side. You did ask him first and you should've waited for his answer before you hired the guy who called you."
I defended myself sullenly, "Yeah, but it's not everyday someone from COMSUBIN says they want to tutor you."
"I think you should turn down the guy from COMSUBIN and stick to Reborn. I know you hate him, but that doesn't change the fact that he's really good at what he does. Just look at what he managed to do with Tsuna-nii," she advised me, tugging at one of her braids absentmindedly.
"Yeah, but-"
"Don't argue with me. You're the one who told me I should give you advice and I've just given it to you. I don't care whether you follow it or not, but I'm not giving you anymore and I want my fucking remote back."
I threw it at her. "Take it, you transsexual hag."
She caught it without batting an eyelid and beamed at me. "Xie xie."
As much as I hated to admit it, I-Pin was right. I had asked Reborn first. It only made sense that he should become my home tutor and not the mystery COMSUBIN professional.
…BUT DAMN IT, I WANTED THE MYSTERY COMSUBIN PROEFSSIONAL.
I grit my teeth as I made my way towards the Spanish Steps, grinding them into enamel dust with every step I took. I probably wouldn't have any teeth left by the time I reached our meeting place, just bloody stumps where they used to be, and then I'd have to be rushed to hospital before I died of blood loss, which meant that I wouldn't have to see the mystery COMSUBIN professional and reject him, which would mean that-
Never mind. Even if I did somehow manage to avoid the confrontation, I'd only be putting it off. I'd have to tell him eventually.
I sighed loudly and shoved my hands in my pockets, flicking my fringe to the side in annoyance. The Spanish Steps gradually faded into my line of vision and I stopped at the base of them, realising one very important thing.
I had no idea what the mystery COMSUBIN professional looked like. I didn't have his name or number either (he'd listed himself as a private number) so that meant I had no idea who the hell I was meeting. I groaned, staring up at the stone masterpiece and scanning faces for someone who looked likely.
If the guy was from COMSUBIN, he probably looked really beastly.
He was probably seven foot tall and as toned as Yamamoto. He probably had scars all over his body and carried a massive gun. He probably had a shaved head and rotten, yellow teeth. He probably-
I spied a black fedora complete with a sickly orange ribbon.
"What the hell are you doing here?" I demanded once I'd reached Reborn.
He tilted his hand slightly, drawing attention to the coffee cup in his grasp.
I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, I can see you're drinking coffee, but what the hell are you doing here? Now?"
"The coffee here is good."
"You heard me on the phone last night, and you're just-"
"Reborn? Is that you, kora?" a warm, throaty voice called out from behind me.
We both paused in our conversation to glance at who had just called his name. I blinked in surprise - something that hardly happened to a hitman of my experience and calibre - as I recognised who was standing there.
The rain Arcobaleno, Colonello, was a mere few paces away from us. His smile was contagious and I found the corners of my mouth curving upwards against my own will.
Reborn stared back at him. "Colonello."
"What are you doing here? I thought we agreed not to meet today, kora," Colonello questioned him in surprise.
Reborn took a long drag of coffee. "I'm here for the same reason you are."
Both Colonello and I frowned in confusion.
Then I took a closer look at Colonello.
He was seven foot tall and as toned as Yamamoto. A large scar cut across the flesh of his upper arm and he carried a massive gun. He didn't have a shaved head and rotten, yellow teeth, but that didn't matter because:
"Wait. Are you the mystery COMSUBIN professional?" I blurted.
Colonello seemed taken aback by my random demand. "What?"
"You're the guy I hired to become my home tutor, right?" I elaborated.
Understanding washed over his face. "You're the kid I'm meant to be meeting?"
"You knew all along, didn't you?" I accused Reborn immediately.
Reborn innocently sipped his coffee.
"What did you mean earlier, kora?" Colonello asked Reborn, ignoring me.
Reborn deadpanned, "Ask the cow."
"You're the one who brought it up!" I snarled at him.
Colonello looked at me expectantly. "Well?"
I was sorely tempted to punch Reborn in the face. Given that that would not actually help the situation, I took a deeper breath of day and explained the situation to Colonello. Once I was done, he nodded in pensive understanding.
"Well it's obvious what you have to do now, kora. You need to make a decision. Both of us can't tutor you," Colonello reasoned.
I was so relieved that Colonello was sensible. And hot. (Wait, what?) I opened my mouth and began, "Well then, I want you-"
"Why can't we both tutor him?" Reborn interrupted me.
Colonello immediately frowned. "That's unethical, kora. He'll be torn between both of us and the different teaching methods will confuse him."
"Are you saying that you're not skilled enough to adapt to the situation?" Reborn questioned, nonchalantly placing his empty cup of coffee on the stone banister.
The air thickened in all of two seconds. Colonello's eyes narrowed and he stated coldly, "I'm saying that your crude, unpredictable training methods will destroy any progress I make with the kid."
I interjected, "Well, it's a good thing that I can only hire one of you guys-"
"You've seen what I've done with Dino and Tsuna. You can't seriously pretend that my methods aren't effective," Reborn cut me off.
"The two of them already had a lot of potential, you can't take full credit for their growth. And if you pride yourself on how well you trained them, how come neither of them have hired you to train their subordinates again?" Colonello retorted.
Reborn went very still. Leon leapt to my shoulder and hid in my shirt. He replied coldly, "It's odd how hypocritical that statement is, given that Mafia Land refused to renew your contract as a home tutor."
Perfect silence fell.
"Cow. You will hire both of us," Reborn ground out.
I blurted, "What? But I don't have that kind of money-"
"Tsuna will pay for your tuition fees," Reborn interrupted me. Vongola wasn't going to be too happy about that.
"How long do you think your training methods will require?" Reborn sneered.
"Three months. Until the end of summer, kora."
"Hey-"
"Then it's settled. We'll both train him."
"-wait, nothing's been settled-"
"Alright, kora. This'll be easy."
"-are either of you listening to me-?"
"You can have him for the first three days. You'll need the handicap," Reborn stated.
"You're going to regret that."
"I don't think I will."
After a period of intense glaring, they both promptly looked away and disappeared in opposite directions. I stood alone on the Spanish Steps, watching the two men fade into pinpricks in the distance, and stared.
I wasn't sure if this was a development for the better or worse.
The next day, I went straight to the Vongola mansion and floated around the library like a spectre. The heated exchange and the consequences had drained me of all energy and I wasn't sure if I really wanted to see either Reborn or Colonello at the moment. Tsuna was in a meeting at the moment that would probably drag on for another half hour, so I quickly set to work pulling down all the dictionaries I could find.
It didn't surprise me that Tsuna had an entire bookshelf full of just dictionaries. Living within the Vongola Famiglia tended to jade you after a certain point. I immediately set to work scribbling down notes.
"Lambo?" a low, sultry voice called out.
I recognised the voice in a heartbeat. "Bianchi?"
The tall, slender siren appeared from around the corner of a bookcase, smouldering quietly as usual. Although I'd always been aware of the waves of sensuality she gave off like uranium, the fact that she was more than double my age never failed to put me back in my place.
"Tsuna's finished. You can see him now," she explained.
"Thanks. By the way, I heard an interesting rumour about you. I didn't think you were into mechanics," I began, grinning.
Her expression didn't change, but it never really did. "What?"
"Yare, yare, don't pussyfoot around me, I know you've been screwing Spanner sideways for a while now. There's no need to be ashamed of doing the nasty with a renowned hermit, even if I personally believe you deserve someone with a heart of gold and the skill of a porn star."
"That's…sweet of you, Lambo," she stated, her face strained.
"No problem. If Spanner gives you any shit, just call me and I'll sort him out for you."
"I would take you up on your offer if there was an actual need for it."
I paused.
"What do you mean?" I questioned, my voice weakening.
The unamused expression on her face spoke measures.
I filled in the gaps myself. "You're not screwing Spanner."
"No. I'm not."
I began defensively, "But I heard from-"
Then I realised who I'd heard the rumour from and everything fell into place. Reborn, you bastard.
One brain rattling slap later, I was promptly on my way to Vongola's office.
He stared at me as I entered. "…Lambo, what happened to your face?"
"I ran into Bianchi's hand," I muttered darkly.
His eyes immediately narrowed. "What did you do to her?"
"Hey, I didn't do anything to her! She just smacked me for no good reason!"
Vongola pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Why are you here, Lambo?"
"I know what the meaning of teamwork is," I proclaimed.
He didn't look convinced. "It's only been three days, Lambo."
I bullshitted, "I know, but your words really inspired me to work harder and impress you, because I understand now that as the head of the Vongola Famiglia, this concept is extremely important to you and therefore to me-"
"Lambo, sucking up to me isn't going to get you back on the mission roster."
"Damn it. Well, I have a definition for you anyways."
He leaned back in his chair. "Go ahead then."
"Alright," I said, recalling my prepared answer. "Teamwork is the cooperative or coordinated effort on the part of a group of persons acting together as a team, or in the interests of a common cause."
"Lambo, you just took that definition out of a dictionary."
"I am shocked that you would think I would stoop so low! I would never deceive-"
He held up a piece of paper. "I thought you would try to pull a stunt like this, so I wrote out all the definitions for teamwork from the dictionaries in the library. I can name the dictionary that definition came from."
"Can you?"
"The Random House dictionary, published in 2001."
"Actually, I think it was the 1984 edition."
"It was the 2001 edition."
"Really? Crap."
"You're not getting back on the mission roster, Lambo. Try again in a few weeks."
Next chapter preview: a Spartan education
"Colonello? I saw him heading towards the outdoor training facilities. He was carrying all these really big guns though and he looked really mad. You might want to be careful,"
…
"Lambo. You asked me to train you. I would much rather not use force to motivate you, but if-"
"Fucking hell, I've got it! I'll do your damn repetitions!"
…
"Reborn, I want to die. What do I do?"
The following section details the dissection of brain tissue exposed to radiation over a period of time spanning thirty seven days. Naht.
(Credit for questions and inspiration for questions goes to Nimbiose, XXXMystery, lelekb. Please feel free to ask me any questions about the fic. I need something to fill out this section.)
Is Lambo in denial about his love for Reborn?
I think Lambo's just in denial about everything. I don't think Lambo actually loves Reborn at this point in time, whether it be subconscious or conscious, but he will begin slipping into self-denial as the fic goes along. His biggest issue right now is his sexuality, so he needs to sort out his libido before he can properly fall in love with someone.
Will things ever go Lambo's way? He just seems to get knocked down every time.
This fic has always been intended to be a Bildungsroman- for non-literature geeks, that is nerdspeak for a story that shows a character's maturation over time. The ending of this fic may surprise a lot of people, but I can assure you, things will go exactly the way Lambo wants them to.
The line in the previous chapter 'I was suddenly, irrevocably hard' sounds awfully familiar.
Allow me to quote for you:
About three things I was absolutely positive:
First, Edward was a vampire.
Second, there was a part of him - and I didnt know how dominant that part might be - that thirsted for my blood.
And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.
I swear to God, I did not realise while I was writing the line. Your subconscious works in weird ways, huh?
Is there going to be some major fighting over Lambo?
Erm, let me kill anybody's hopes that Colonello and Reborn will get into crazy ass screaming matches, bloody battles and will randomly tear each other's clothes off. (I know, I'm sad too.) There will be little angst, Lambo will never break down into a sobbing heap and run into anybody's outstretched comforting arms because that is not the way I do things. Usually. There will be competition between Colonello and Reborn, where they'll both try to win over Lambo using their smexeh skillz, but they never directly fight- not even in the manga or the anime. I think that what makes their rivalry funny is that they just try to outdo the other, they don't actually fight as such.
We didn't really get a feel for Colonello's character here. How are you planning on approaching him?
His appearance in the next chapter will freak people out. I'm sure of it. He's going to be really hard on Lambo. (I wish I meant that in a sexual way, but that doesn't come for approximately three more chapters.) Please bear with me though, he will warm up to Lambo.
Why did Reborn say yes?
Reborn truly believed that Lambo was going to ask him all along, but was going to wait until Lambo was literally begging him. He was going to say yes before he was interrupted by Colonello, but then was spurned to say yes by the realisation that his rival was going to try to steal his prospective student.
Is there going to be any more 8059 smut?
I haven't got any planned. I don't think Lambo would be able to take it.
Did Leon turn into a naked, teenage Reborn in the last chapter?
Nope. He turned into a naked, teenage Lambo. He's definitely rooting for RL.
Has Leon been with Reborn since he was a teenager?
They don't actually explain this in the anime- not sure about the manga, since I haven't read it. I've come up with my own theory though; Reborn and Colonello apparently grew up in the same village and they both happen to have fighter pets. I think having a fighter pet is something of a tradition in their village, so they would have both gotten Falco and Leon when they were quite young. Or it could just be Amano's way of squeezing cute animals into the series. Everybody has a cute animal apart from Lambo, damn it.
Now that Reborn is no longer Tsuna's kateikyoushi, is he a free agent or does he work for the Vongola Famiglia?
Reborn is a free agent and he occasionally acts as advisor to Tsuna. He does what he wants, really. Sometimes, Tsuna will ask him to do the occasional job, but they both understand that Reborn can come and go as he wants.
Does I-Pin watch the American or Korean version of The Lake House?
I originally answered this question with just the American version. I changed my mind. She's such a romance freak that she'd have both.
Will the updates on aff net and ff net be any different?
I answered this question in the first chapter (which is technically the second chapter, going by ff net's numbering system). Updates on aff net will have more graphic lemons, but everything else will be the same. There will be no extra lemons in the aff net site, but I may upload various side stories that link to ahoshi! as time goes along. I will announce at the beginning of chapters if I have censored anything on the ff net site and provide a link to the aff net site for anyone interested.
OMFGZZZ I'M NOT UPDATING UNTIL I GET FIFTY MORE REVIEWS THIS CHAPTER!111!
Sike.
I actually love writing this fic, so I'm not going to pull a loser-ish stunt like that. But I would appreciate it if you reviewed and let me know what you think.
- selandora